My Life

D|s |s e l|fe???

2005-10-26T20:00:00.000-07:00

Backe to my blogger!~~~ think its been wks or mths dat i start to update my blog???

Been out on sat wif jiemei n elmo they all also saw y2k ah ma~~ lolz~~ met pauline babe's bf~~ keke hapi for her dat she found someone . =D Didnt reali want to go mu de but den elmo gf bday den was like hmmm so went awhile nor~~ so boring sia...not muchie ppl went den my xdd don noe no mood den go hm zzZZZZzzz... sian to e max went backie hm veri earli dat day~~

Finally, he is engage.. lolzzz mayb i was hiding from turning up!~ don even want to go.. he called me but i didnt pick up e fone~~ somehow i feel bad but den its fated~ i was e one who want it to turn up dis way~~ is dis wat i wan?? i always ask myself but i cant find a gd reason... or m i lying to myself?? haiz i reali don noe at all..but wateva it is i haf to go thru wif life.. dats life~~

wk life is still e same~~ haiz~~ also retrenchment cuming~~ zzZzzzzzz pray dat will not happen to me man~~ i got dis job at my interest if i reali retrench ~~` i lazy to find job sure nua again.. =.=zz den jiemei sure scold me .. zzZzzzz nowadays at office keep tio disturb by my buddy n colleagues~~ so bad de they all liew~~ stupid william n ban xiong sure kill them treat me so gd den hai wo ~~` =.=

i mish those days when clubbing n having fun wif taizi they all.. time past so fast~~ its been a yr plus le~~ thingy all change.. everyone wking no time to haf those fun time anymore!~~ reali mish those days~~ lub is not wat i want now~~ i don haf confidence in lub~~ not now i guess~~ friendship last longer=D

"S0metm3s 0ur lght g03s 0ut but s b0wn nt0 fame by an0th3r human b3ng. Each 0f us 0w3s d33p3st thanks t0 th0s3 wh0 hav3 r3knd3d ths lght." But fr3ndshp s pr3c0us, n0t 0nly n th3 shad3, but n th3 sunshn3 of lf3; and thanks t0 a b3n3v0l3nt arrang3m3nt 0f thngs, th3 gr3at3r part of lfe s sunshn3.. B3tw33n m3n and w0m3n th3r3 s n0 fr3ndshp p0ssbl3. Th3r s pass0n, 3nmty, w0rshp, 0v3, but n0 fr3ndshp"

Regret or not to reGret

2005-09-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

Back on e tracks again~~ been busy wif work & going out wif friends didnt reali write muchie lately~~ haha its been so long~~ dis mth reali club alotz~~ hur hur hur~~~ last sat was jie's bday n some others~~ haha had quite a fun time thou~~BUT now FARKING SICK ~~~ ZZzZZZ

wk life sux lately~~ farking bitch everyday tok n tok so noisy cant she juz stfu awhile~~ wau lau~~ her wk is so little still ask ME help her~~ fark it la diy ok~~ ni na ma ~~ don understand y she need so many ppl to help her do her wk cant she do it herself... cb~~

auntie called today~~ its been mths since she call n ask me how i was alreadi~~ was glad dat she call but somehow e call was not a gd one thou~~ he getting married le~~ haha~~ finally liao~~ mixed feelings now~~ don noe y~~ i was e one who gave him up ~~ i gave up e 6yrs relationship~~ do i mish him??? for e past 1yr plus ~~ neber did i think of him till today ~~ do i mish him?? do i still lub him?? i cant seems to get e ans~~ trying so hard to make myself not to cry but wtf e tears juz roll like dat knn~~ jiemei where u arh~~~~ need u so muchie at dis time reali need someone to tok sia~~ auntie ask me go for e wedding haiz i don noe la don even noe i want to go anotz~~ she was hoping i was e gal~~ haha~~ auntie still dotes on me~~ hur hur hur~~ she juz don like this new gal~~ guess she don noe how to hong auntie ba~~ auntie is a hard core woman le~~ hard to pls de lolz~~~ m i hapi for him??? i guess now its juz a shock n upset ba~~ like wat they say don regret now since u alreadi make e decision liao~~ no pt crying over spilt milk~~ hur hur hur~~

life has been e same wif or without him so wats there to think abt~~ lolz~~ well i still got to move on~~ many guys cum n go~~ but none i haf e interest fark man m i turning into les~~ hur hur hur~~ mayb i fall wif jiemei liao lolz~~~~~

write in another time ba~~ mark mark wat can i do~~ i wish i can accept u but too bad~~ if onli u can get rid OF THOSE FARKING TATTOSSSSSS~~~ ZZzZZZZZ

N3v3r r3gr3t f0r wat y0u'v3 d0n3, 00k at t as a g00d p0nt t0 chang3 f0r th3 b3tt3r

moody Days~~~

2005-08-10T08:00:00.000-07:00

Finally i haf e time to write moi blog~~ its been such a long time since i write moi blog~~ looking at moi blog hehe nice hur hur hur well moi sugar help me do~~ so sweet fo him but also bcoz i pester h im la~~ till he finally do it for moi~~ lolzzz.. This mth has been a tough month for me~~ everythingy seems to b going wrong~~

Work stressful sia~~ busy n pissed wif trading ppl~~ wats wrong wiff all these ppl cant they juz do they wk properly at all.. argh~~~was appointed to do other stuffs now~~ so busy wif e dateline n worst now in charge of so many thingy~~ sianz~~

LAst few days juz celebrated for jiemei's bday~~ wo lala~~~get closer to some ppl around like star star jie~~ val galgal n as for xiaofeng haha ok la... jiemei bday song bo~~ lolz but sian no sabo nothing~~ lolz she got bf who is xxxxxxxxxx argh see him i reali hate him... anyway i reali did enjoy moi self~~ hehe~~n best of all drink till seh go h m den wear wrong slipper so pai seh lolz

Spinx i gues i haf not been doing moi job, been busy lately dat i reali missed out alotz of things.. ytd was tough brought xiaomich in wifout telling any of the others admin~` i was juz eager to settle e whole situation but i guess i make a mistake rash was always me~~ like to do thingy in a rash~~~ zzZzzz sugar was telling me he hope our friendship will not b destroyed bcoz of dis~~ haiz i don noe la~~ guess we wont b like last time after dis arguement~~ i m pissed wif pepper.. its so personal dat she must side wif sugar n wat m i~~~ don understand y sugar always put in nice words for her she neber change juz like last time spoilt brat~~~ argh~~~~ i guess dis friendship haiz don noe will it b e same?? ~>.<~

I also don noe wat life i want now~~ sianz shld i start to study again? make moi self busy~~ guys guys guys~~ neber occur to me dat i want a bf.. sian la~~ i lub being alone~~ enjoy dis single hood life but how long can i last?? mark was asking me wat i reali want?? y till now i cant accept him?? how to?? even if i agree i think mummy n daddy will kill me hafing such a bf~~ haiz~~ don want to think le la~~ tired~~ hope i can rest in peace~~~

P30p3 n3v3r kn0w h0w sp3cal s0m30n3 s untl th3y l3av3, but mayb3 s0m3tm3s ts mp0rtant t0 l3av3, s0 th3y ar3 gv3n that chanc3 t0 s33 h0w sp3cal that s0m30n3 r3ay s!

The Long Daysssssssssssss

2005-05-23T11:35:00.000-07:00

Wah its been mths since i reali backie into blog.. everytime i want to write.. LAZYYYYYY.. lolz.. e lazy ghost always cum find me... so neber reali did update... lolz..

A few mths ago went to celebrate moi bday.. omgggggggg.. kind of fun .. ktv at Dar;'s wk place.. keke... she hor change alotz getting more n more pretty l iao.. don reali get to see her muchie le.. remember e times we go club arh, kopi session arh.. etc... cousin sam sam was there .. he hor reali gif face sia.. reali did cum after his another ktv session dats was so sweet.. n he wrote moi a testi.. Zzzzz n e hell wif him at sydney neber tell me.. so i can ask him buy pressie mah.. lol.. sonny, boiboi, jiemei, n many others turn up on mo i bday.. b4 dat met up wif matty.. wooooooo.. kind of nervous.. hehe.. went for diner wif him which i didnt eat coz not hungwee at dat time.. hur hur hur.. gave me a pressie a veri sweet bible.. i do read it now at times too.. keke.. met up wif e rest at chinatown as usual i was late.. duhz.. but i guess all of them used to it le lah.. =XXXX

lucky some didnt turn up.. coz i scared to get drunk.. hahahahaha.. joyride came at e veri last min.. ZZZzzz juz to make me drunk.. liew~~ all sabo sia.. bo bianz everytime their bday i sabo them de.. wahaahahaha.. mphobne was sweet got me two cake.. get to eat one e other one on moi face.. sad le strawberry wor moi fav leeeeeeeee.. liew~~~ taizi moi tarbo ask usual beer~~~~ zzZzzz smicer came also wau lau all sabo don noe wat drink he gave me... nbzzz gonez at 2plus.. woke up around 3 n still manage to eat porridge coz promise ping guo mei mei meet her to eat n somemore she wk cum down find me loh.. pai seh de le.. i was making so muchie noise lol.. me n tarbo scolding each other oto bad red moi kawaiii neh neh not htere la.. he entertainer le moi de clown clown.. lolzzzz.. oopssssss..den got to noe ken moi jiemei bf now.. haha went hm bath n slp le.. too tired liao bth....

nothing reali did happen after dat.. don haf e mood to go out muchie often le.. coz want to go hk den reali need to save money bo bianz... n a few days ago heard a gal in irc sherry passed away.. read her blog.. remember e times i used to call her auntie sherry... but i guess i cant facll her dat n she wont get to see it anymore.. http://sherryadensii.blogspot.com/ i can say her blog reali e words were all veri gd.. phrases n all omg.. i neber reali get to read such gd blogs... n i reali read every single of e article..most of my friends were shock. her blog reali interest me alotz.. n at times i wont put moiself in her shoes.. making moi feel how she was feeling at dat veri moment.. its sad dat she haf gonez.. but i m sure her memories n her ffiends will remember her.. some ppl don reali like her coz she is straight forward but i reali like her straightforwardness...

Wking life is so tiring.. n juz spent 50bucks on moi colleagues wedding gift.. zzZzzz i hate all these thingy.. ma fan.. must buy pressie somemore.. liew~~~ getting along veri well wif moi colleagues.. hehe.. esp avern.. dat toot toot gal.. lol so blur like me also at times.. wahahhahahaha

Jiemei told me dat she got a job .. hapi for her also.. fn she got at least e job dat she is interested in.. which is a gd sign.. but i guess her wk life is fun but love life.. h aiz wif ken chiam liao la... she hor starting to PICK HIS BAD PTS LE LAH.. lolzzzz as usual.. but wat to do.. guys juz don seems to understand her.. she is someone special not easy to deal wif.. n if i m a guy.. knn i sure go woo her.. but too bad la can onli b jiemei.. lolz

Love has not been wat i m thinking of now.. used to get upset when i feel lonlely b ut seems like now wk haf occupied moi time so don reali haf e time to think abt relationship juz wait ba.. when it will cum it will cum.. i start to look on e brighter side n also on moi temper .. when start to wk.. everythingy also must control esp temper which i moi self also noe i veri bad temper... aiks...

got dis guy SIMON.. BLOODY BASTARD.. don eva let me see u on e streets farking tear ya BLOODY MOUTH.. knn not onli i was tok behind even moi boi boi also.. ni na ma.. he like gu niang no dick.. cut it off men... cb.. where got such a guy dare to do don dare to admit.. omg.. machiam charbo.. gallll we conf dat day.. synn did, alex darling n shar budy.. i told dat simon off u guniang daret o do dont dare to admit. go cut ya farking dick la.. den all shock n diam diam.. aiya juz cum out like dat from moi mouth ma.. bo bianz.. too angwee liao bth such tarbo..

now arh damn broke arh.. waiting for pay day.. promise moi jiemei go club.. veri long neber club le mish those days n moi jiemei club n club she power le.. last tiem ask her go must see her mood.. zzZzz now hor she every wk also got mood.. lolzzz

guess i sign off le.. don noe when i not LAZY i will write moi blog again.. keke...

B3tw33n m3n and w0m3n th3r3 s n0 fr3ndshp p0ssbl3. Th3r s pass0n, 3nmty, w0rshp, 0v3, but n0 fr3ndshp

Chinese New Year

2005-02-12T21:00:00.000-08:00

Finally got e time to write moi blog.. hur hur hur.. Its been so tiring... eva since cny eve...

Chinese New Year Eve: Tiring day... had diner at hm wif ah ma n auntie.. after e diner met up wif jiemei, shawn darling, applegal,taizi tarbo, his friend, dion, ah girl , yunn n raymond che che.. lolz went to he pan.. wo lala.. e fireworks was so beautiful.. so nice.. after dat we walk all e way to chinatown.. cant believe it.. ben ben was there also..disturb me.. tmd.. coz walk so far..he still tell me veri fast de.. zzZzzz....

Chinese New Year 1st Day: Didnt reali get to slp.. went church wif parents earli in e morning.. thru out e yr neber reali go church de loh.. onli cny 1st day bo bianz.. mummy neber wk.. lolz like being force to go.. =X anyway after church went over to jurong to auntie house.. sian arh.. i sit there tok, eat, watch tbee till fall aslp.. =X too tired le.. den went over to cousin's hosue.. she juz moved to apartment loh.. ok lah e house quite nice.. den moi ying ying cousin brought her doggie along.. so ke ai.. veri cute puppy.. hehe

Chinese New Year 2nd Day: Went over to xiao yi's house.. sian nothing muchie also.. saw her zhu zhu = puppy.. not veri ke ai.. still moi baby more cuteeeeeeeeee.. hur hur hur.. den after dat went over to viva's house.. sit there until i fell aslp.. lolz.. nothing muchie to do also wat.. they play poker so sian, i neber like to play such thingy de.. after dat we went ktv... stayed till 3am like dat den went hm.. raymond che che was there, secret aka joseph n synn.. haha long time neber see him le.. nan de get to see him ... keke

Guess dis is how i spend moi cny ba.. valentine's day is cuming.. sian arh.. dont noe want to go out anot.. soemmore must wk.. sian 1/2. guess i will stop here.. hehe..

t's NoT ThE mAtTeR oF hOw DeEp ThE pErSoN oVe You, It'S tHe MaTtEr Of HoW dEeP u LoVe ThE pErSoN

2005-01-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

Time pass reali fast.. chinese new year its juz around e corner.. I HABEN PACK MOI RM... zzZzzzz.. lolz.. surprise wif moi new layout e pic.. omg ffx... moi boi boi do de wifout telling me.. but its ok he noe moi taste.. lolz... e words r meaningful also.. thanx boi boi..

Some lamer liew.. scold me.. ~~>.<~~ bo liao arh.. cant b bothered they got nothing betta to do.. zzzZZzz.. anyway,, spinx is getting quiet le.. not much ppl toking anymore.. wats wrong.. e office seems so cold.. haiz..

last few wks ago went dblo.. haha.. met shawn funi guy always make me luff.. iliew lost to him in playing 5 10... tmd canot next time must win him.. was drinking a abit high nia.. lolz.. taizi, kawaiii nehhhhh, baby n mil, jiemei n not forgetting moi dolp darling was there too.. haha we did enjoy ourselves.. taizi was seh kai as usual .. lolzzz

last wk was kind of bored ba.. went for kopi session well met lyam n elf... hur hur hur.. not muchie ppl turn up i mean e oldbies.. n moi budy.. haiz was nto there.. disappointed.. long time neber see him le.. dont noe how he is le.. after dat went ktv.. most of us were not in gd mood ba.. applegal was there also.. keke last tme we neber reali tok de.. she arh veri quiet de but dat day we did tok muchie .. den saw dar.. haiz abit disappointed wif e job she is wking but i guess she like e job.. hmmm.. juz hope she will think again ba.. e hurt in her i guess she will neber 4get.. aiks.. saw koka jie also. liew she lok so diff from her pic.. real person chioer.. keke....after ktv went to eat porridge.. tmd si kawaiiiinehhhhh make ius kep luff wat also no peace.. lolz...went hm so tired... but cant slp.. duhz..

Guess most of us stiol mish e time we together.. la kopi, chatting, ktv, all these but everyone is so busy wif each life style.. haiz...life has to go n anyway.. tingz mei emi ytd told me she n chase broke off le.. haiz hope she is ok.. >.<

tml got co diner.. sian arh.. i so lazy yo go.. but bo bianz must go..

well guess i stop here.. continue another time ba.. mish mish ....

Ü cånn0t f0rcë l0vë 0r cRëåte ít wën ítS n0t mëånt t0 bë., deStr0y ít wëN iTs dëStiNeD t0 süRviVe.

2005 A New Year.....

2005-01-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

A brand new year for me.. haha.. nothing muchie reali pop up.. alotz happen for e 2004.. reali go recall backie there were happiness n saddness.. but i guess e sadness feels me till e 2005...

Too many ppl die... reading e newspapers. watching e news n listening to e radio.. so many haf died.. n worst of all.. most of them r children.. Lord forgif those who haf forsaken u coz dis is human nature.. everyone screaming n running for their lifes.. seeing e clips i feel so hurt.. how can we help them??? nothing... we cld onli sit n watch them one by one being found dead...

A brand new year, there wasnt any celebration at all.. everyone has a heavy heart passing dis new 2005.. so was i.. no firewokrs, nothing.. i odnt haf e mood to celebrate also.. went out wif jiemei, ah gal n a few other friends dat day.. kind of pissed wif tarbo.. meet us late den in e end left us n not meeting... lucky ayunkie was there.. send us rounding n walk around.. kind of fun.. wif his friends.. hehe.. den he send us hm.. which was nice of him.. didnt went backie to look for baby n all coz was alreadi pissed.. went him straight n haf a rest..

Dis few days was busy.. chionging vcds.. dont noe lata wanna go intercharge n buy e part 2 anotz.. kind of gan chong to watch le.. hehe.. mayb lata in e noon will go interchange n buy ba.. e show "Dou Yu" was recommended by moi boiboi.. he recommended e songs.. till e end.. i used to put e song in moi blog.. but juz change new layout.. mayb i shld change backie to dat.. haha.. coz i reali cant gothic enough.. not like moi sugar..

Everyone seems to haf goals n wishes.. i m like a lost sheep dont noe wat i want in life.. lolz.. wat i haf or wat do i reali need....career ito me is still stable ba.. loev life i neber go see wat i want in love.. or rather wat do i reali need.. guys r such a bother at times??? i reali dont noe.. waiting for someone wif no ans but promises.. m i stupid or wat??? i reali dont noe.. how muchie more do i stilll love him i cant even ans moi self.. i onli noe e promises is there.. i must keep it...i m now in a blur state.. i reali dont noe wat i want.. haiz.. time will tell ba..

And as for e farking bitch.. i make sure u pay back wat u haf done to me n e rest of e ppl.. i oont let dis go.. i want u to remeber for wat u haf done to me for e rest of ya whole entire farking life.. arghhhhhh

LiFe GoeS On

2004-12-27T09:40:00.000-08:00

Its been wks n wks been busy wif moi wk.. so busy till i odnt even haf e time to write my blog..

Life has to go on.. no matter how upset or how hapi.. wking life was great.. i enjoy moi wk alotz.. although at times u r being pissed by ya colleague who is always so lazy n not doing anythingy.. zzZZzzz... but overall i learn alotz of things.. i learn to b more patience also..

Went for e chalet for spinx.. got to see moi Yuji Baby.. hur hur hur.. he speak reali veri gd canto n i reali enjoy his co also.. he brought along his sis.. a veri ke ai de nu hai.. got to meet tingz mei mei also.. qt darling was in sg also.. got to meet her.. got a warm hug from her.. hehe..met mel n e gf to e chalet.. its was a shock of moi life.. sh elook so muchie like nie.. omg.. but her hair n e colour was definitely nicer.. her hair was reali beautiful wor.. long n nice.. she reali can maintain n keep it so nice..keke... i started e ball rolling by getting mel to drink which we mix.. his bday was around e corner so decided to let him dirnk.. lolzzz but he cldnt take it.. juz drabnk one cupba.. hehe.. pat was around.. long time neber see him le.. still e same..haiz.. den saw honey wif his gf.. honey de gf chio chio wor.. hur hur hur.. bpm veri lanz le.. play cards wif him keep lose de.. lolxxxx.. most of e time, jiemei,dar n me were like toking abt mel gf.. she look so muchie like nie when tell boi boi his eyes open so big.. cant help luffing n all of us were thinking is dat nuren??? nice questions arh..

Den cums e xmas party, went ktv wif jiemei, zhen, kawaiii neh, tarbo, ah gal , fenz n a few other friends.. we did reali haf lotz of fun.. i went backie earli coz kind of tired .... still waiting for an sms from hijm but it neber cum.. kind of disapppointed.. i guess he was also when i promised dat i will send him a pressie on xmas.. i did but it was a late pressie.. i m alreadi kind of disappointed wif moi self.. haiz.. hope he receive it asap..

e day u left me,

my world seems to fall apartsearching around for a clue,

but there is none i cld find

Telling me dat u had given ur heart away,

felt like thorns piercing thru my heart

our luv seems so precious to me,

but u break it into two

there is nothing i cld do

but to walk away in silence,

swallowing my tears

After mths n yrs,

my bleeding wound remains

i am left wif nothing except e memories dat i hold on dearly

Guess moof us were busy guessing wether mel gf was nuren.. well too many holes dat cums n we manage to clear it up.. lolxxx it is her lah.. cant believe dat she lied so muchie.. omg.. y ppl like ot lie.. even mel also want to help her .. omg.. haha she can even go tell her chanel ppl act ke lianz.. haiz.. it relai make me feel like puking.. she wasnt a target for me but now she is.. all e while i was quiet abt her.. i been controlling moi self abt her of wat she had done to me.. if ppl feel dat i m paying backie time let it b.. she is juz another liar who goes around lying to guys abt herself.. pui.. i juz cant stand it.. hurting guys.. look at deki he was hurt on n on.. wasnt he?? it reali make me feel so sick of her.. eeeee..... i saw too muchie le.. i remember jiemei say to me b4.. its not so easy she is gd at mind game.. mayb mel dont egven noe e whole truth.. its too scary.. no matter wat.. its all so sick.. i ownder how long can she last in dis lies.. one lie after another juz to cover up e 1st lie.. sux....

Well in a few days time New Year 2005 cuming.. a brand new yr.. a time for me to change moi self also.. no more e nice n goodie gal.. i dont want to b nice anymore.. i m bad n evil.. lolxxxx hard hearted too.. hur hur hur

Wat cAN I dO????

2004-12-05T15:30:00.000-08:00

Lately been busy wif wk n didnt even noe wat to write in blog.. too tired.. slping n slping.. so stress out.. mayb due to wk ba.. end of e mth period n yr end period also.. aiks...

HUbby n moi haf not been in gd terms.. i dont reali noe wats wrong.. haiz.. we not toking to each other for quite some time le.. neber say muchie also.. guess i juz got to wait for his reutnr n dats all i can do.. will things work out?? i also not sure.. juz pray n hope it does.. even if it doesnt at least we did try n we r still friends.. keke...

my heart has been sealed for the wound

in it will never heal

memories is only what i could hold for it's me he chose to let go

life no longer shines without him

what's left is all but a dim tears i shed for him

but does he know?

i have turned into a lonely soul his feelings has died is all

i know i love him but have to let go

tired of relationships is all i could feel

my heart will never be open but remain sealed

Moi blog looks so ugly.. cant do gothic enough.. lately feel so evil.. duhz like gothic alotz.. dont noe y?? but cant seems to get e rite pic.. mayb i will try get betta ones n get boi boi to do for me again.. hur hur hur..

As fro sweetie.. haiz at times i reali dont noe wat to do.. believe her or not believe her?? jeimei tell me to think abt it.. well for now i do trust her dat little.. juz hope things will b ok.. juz hope all these troubles will haf an end to it.. arbo haiz.. so many misunderstandings here n there.. me getting scolded for no reason.. coz of her misunderstanding.. pengz... at 1st was angwee but now think abt it can feel how upset she is but hope she will not do dat again.. find out e facts b4 screaming at me.. >.<

QuestionS

2004-11-21T18:50:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since i reali blog...Lately feel moody dont noe y also.. but kind of busy wi flife.. busy wking.. pissed wif a colleague of mine.. liew she damn lazy loh.. always do her wk so slow.. den i got to help her.. den she can keep chat on fone.. pengz.. bth her..

Haf not been toking wif hubby also.. dont noe.. kind of worry abt thingy .. chase tok to me.. asked me abt me n hubby.. well, moi repli was wait till he cums backie.. i guess he wants to concentrate wif his studies n for me wif moi work.. dont reali want to think too muchie... Eva since i not dat active in spibnx le.. things haf change ba.. not sure.. moi n sugar still maintain e friendship dat we haf.. always jking n crapping around.. kind of pissed wif yoda.. he reduce moi xess.. was not angwee abt e reduce but expected he to tell me 1st b4 he haf done it.. geeeeezzzzz...didnt want to make things diff also so i simple ignore e whole thingy.. keke..

knowing he'll never be yours again,

though love's there but so is pain.

ppl says that time will heal,

but time can't control how u feel.

yes,this song used to b a love theme,

but listening to it alone isn't happy as it seems.

bear in mind,

the harder u try forgeting,

will mean the more u will be missing...

so let the 'love' n 'miss' go on,

someday it'll unconciously be gone,

probably it's gona take quite long,

but 1 day....

the love theme would just be a normal song.

1 . Will u luv the person back who once hurt u?

Ans: Mayb depends on how much e hurt was n how much i love him..

2. Will u go out on a date with a person u know who is already committed with someone??

Ans: Hmmm.. nope i wont go on a date alone wif him .. unless we make it clear dat its juz a normal date.

3. Would u like someone who is attached?

Ans: If e feeling cums yesh but its onli like..

4. What`s the nicest thing you`ll do for love?

Ans: Depends wat he reali like n wants.. n i will try my best to make him hapi..

5. What`s the last thing you`ll do for love?

Ans: Having not love him at all..

6. Will u give ur ex a second chance??

Ans: Nope coz its alreadi impossible

7. What was the best thing you`ve done for the person u love?

Ans: Finding his fav animation n searching for it for 1 wholoe week to gif him a surprise.

8. If u get stuck in an elevator with your ex,what will you do?

Ans: Juz haf some normal chatting ba..

9 If ur ex fooled u once,will u give another set of trust on her/him?

Ans: Nope once e trust is gonez nothing can b done for me to trust him again..

10 What will u do if u caught ur partner with someone else inside her/his room or bed?

Ans: Depends wat they r doing....If they on bed doing obsense.. haiz juz turn n leave.. no explaination is needed le.. sobzzz

11 If you will be given a choice..Will u drink a bottle of wine one-on-one with ur partner or with ur crush only the two of you inside the room?

Ans: Wif partner

12 If you can only save one person on a crashing plane who would u save?

Ans: If i onli on e plane wif e person i love den of coz i will save him ...

13 You are with your partner in a party. Your ex asked you to dance with her/him even for a couple of minutes. Will you u dance with her/him knowing ur partner is right there beside you??

Ans: Well i will ask if moi parnter wld mind.. if he do den i will reject moi ex..

14 Will u still give a present to ur ex on her/his very special occassion??

Ans: Birthday

15 If u hear the word "love". Who comes into ur mind first?

Ans: To e person who means alotz to me n i mean it when i say i love u..

16 Will u do a big favor for ur ex, now that you're already friends??

Ans: Depends wat e favor is... as long it does not hurt anyone

17 Now, whom are u thinkin abt right now?Ur partner, ur ex or ur crush?

Ans: My partner

These r some of e questions i answered.. haha.. blog again.. hope e next time i blog i will feel betta... hur hur hur..

SianZZZZZZZZZzzzzzz

2004-11-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

Wednesday finally came.. meeting jiemei,fenz n her friend wanted to go zouk.. By e tiem we reach zouk.. zzZZzz cannot go in e queue was like.. geeezzzzzzzzzz.. so long n so far.. liew.. den we decided to change location..

Went devilsbar instead.. met some ppl who was sianz... was at e dance floor all e way.. met tarbo alaso.. haha .. quite some time we neber meet le.. Well heard from jiemei he is upset lately.. well saw his blog also.. haiz.. hope he mai think so muchie.. take one step at a time by..
drank veri little.. dont feel like drinking also.. den after dat around 12plus came e operation.. liew.. lately damn suay go where club also haf operation.. make me sian 1/2 odnt even feel like clubbing at all.. zzZZzz went outside look for tarbo den in e end around 1plus we decided to go hm.. feel so sianz.. reach hm .. bth fall aslp.. den choco sms me.. i too lazy to repli le.. too tired..

Thursday was a holiday, stayed at hm n slp.. being veri tired lately.. trying to catch up wif slp.. Friday n today also keep slping.. bth...keep slping n was liek a slping pig.. duhz.. bo bianz too tired alreadi.. e more u slp e more u r tired n e more i feel like slping even more.. haha..

Though a failure in love I am,

But gd friends reached out their hand,

Telling me, “ I noe u can.” “Take my hand n UP u stand.”

A handful of them I adore most,

To my heart they live so close…

Adoring they are just like roses..

Can’t do without, like medical doses.

But as we grow,

we all change,

So one rose fell out of the range.

As it fell,

the thorns pierced into my heart,

The cut was deep n really hard.

Then I realized how far we were, apart.

he told me, “like this, is what I am! I don't wana give a d*amn !!!”

and these words drowned me like quicksand...

Coz only seeing his own stand,

How I feel, he won’t wana understand.

Love n friends, these two gems,

To go on, I feel weak without them.

Hope that fallen rose,one day, will fall back in place,

n Let me, once again,

see its glamorous grace.

Didnt reali get to tok to hubby lately.. dont noe wat he busy abt.. asked him abt his resutls dat day .. den he said he did nto bad.. den we ended our conversation.. didnt tok muchie also.. guess he busy n so was i.. keke.. juz wish he will cum backie fast n @@ if things reali will keep us going.. haiz..

Guess i will stop here.. will blog again.. looking forward to e until tue.. hope time pass slow.. haha long wk mah can slp more.. =X

RespECT

2004-11-09T04:22:00.000-08:00

Finally i haf e time to write moi blog..wking

Working life is so stress.. haha but can say i reali enjoy e job.. met alotz of new ppl well got dis gal sit next to me.. bth her..always do her wk so slow n she wk longer den me.. zzZzz..always ask me help her do.. but nvm lah i stil can learn more thingy.. hehe Today had meeting.. Going to haf a long wkend haha.. long holiday.. n still get paid.. =X xMas around e corner n moi co going to haf co dinner.. wooooooo.. wonder how its like.. hehe looking forward to it..

In life u haf to find 4 ppl
The 1st one is to find yaself
The 2nd one is find e person u love most
The 3rd one is find e person who loves u e most
The last one is to find e person who is going to spend e rest of his life wif u
Saddest part of reality is
The one u love most will never choose u
The one who loves u e most is never e one u love most
The one who spend e rest of his life wif u is neither
he juz happens to appear at e rite time....

Went wif jiemei to haf dinner ytd.. well haf a great time wif her reali did some chatting.. he need to sort herself up so do i.. haven been moiself lately.. trying to act as cool as possible but inside i feel so sad, dont noe y? juz feel sad.. read husky's blog.. abt respect.. haha got e pt.. well respect is not u ask for n beg for.. its how u earn it yaself.. hafing a hard time in irc wif dis guy who is a eeeeeeeeee so despo.. flood drones n also spamming moi nick.. =.=z n i think he even moer pissed now coz he went to tell sweetie dat y so many ppl support me.. well i dont @@ anyone do support me.. but anyway its onli irc neber take it to heart.. ppl juz lame n put themselves in irc too muchie.. its juz a waste of time.. eva since i told sugar dat i sian.. dat was e day when i reali sian of all these.. didnt want to tok muchie anymore.. sick of e ppl .. eveyone is so fake.. no one haf their own stand onli to argue n quarrel dat was all i @@.. its so lame.. husky is rite.. he dont even noe how to respect ppl n trea tus like doggie.. zzZZZ i m not a dog.. i haf moi own stand n i m firm in wat decision i haf made n do.. so i wil stick to it no matter wat.. ii m wat i m.. i haf been seraching for moi self to cum bakcie n i did.. i m backie alreadi.. i m wat i reali is.. fight for moi won rites n stand up form for moi self n not affected by wat others say..well some ppl juz dont earn e respect from me.. so forget abt e respect or wateva..

Didnt reali to muchie to hubby until e enxt day of his bday.. well he encounter a reali gross bday le.. but hor he still find it interesting.. diao diao.. haha but kind of a special bday for him.. aiks...but kind of upset cldnt make it to send his bday gift.. was busy wif wk n everythingy.. bo bianz... juz hope i wont disappoint him or moi self .. no matter wat must make it for xmas.. =X

Well gonna stop here.. blog again.. muackZZZzz HUbby..

Stressing n not moiself

2004-11-02T22:34:00.000-08:00

Finally i got time to write moi blog.. well i enjoy moi self at wk.. life is full of wk in moi mind.. i juz love e job i m doing.. been staying at hm n doing nothing.. not going anywhere....

Ytd met jiemei.. keke long time bo meet her le.. noe laotz of thingy from her.. haiz.. so many thingy.. so terrible.. always meet her sure got story to tell me.. bo bianz i neber go out.. kel change alotz .. he got gf le.. well congrates but hor jiemei say he change.. aiya wat to do.. his behaviour always like dat de.. haiz juz hope he will think carefully again..

Ytd at spinx office wat a disappointment.. i m like being pt out.. lolz i see thru each n everyone of them.. most of them.. sugar was also quarrelling.. haiz i lazy to tok anymore.. it juz neber get to any one of their heads all haf their own thinking.. all r so selfish onli think of themselves n neber think of others.. arghhhhhh.. i haf betta thingy to do den irc .. liew.. kor was as usual think he veri big.. think so highly of himself n neber eva think of others feelings..cant stand all these ppl.. sick of it..

HUbby tok to me today n said i shld stand for moi self.. its not i dont want veri tired le.. i veriian.. they all onli noe how to tok behind ppl's backie.. i freaking tired loh.. i m e one who always speak up n no one does.. zzzzzzzZzzzzzzzz den when cum i get blame.. sick of these ppl.. all dont noe how to think.. dont noe haf e brain for wat when they dont even make use of it..all e ages add upt o dont noe wat le.. bth.. too tired dat i reali need some slp.. still got to wk.. moi not like them no life.. i still got to wk n haf a life i want a real life n not virtual life.. dont feel like getting involve wif irc stuff.. getting sianz..

in this so called world,u can't see truth, even if there's evidence to prove.

i wished my life's wad i choose.

but rite now,i'm a frugitive on the loose, a prisoner,escaped from a lifetime sentence guilty of forbidden love, constant unrepentence...

there's no shelter i can turn to, so cold out here, walkin without shoes..

why escaped?

when food n shelter's in there?

but in there i suffered n feel so bare.

did i reali gain freedom?

or still within his torturing kingdom..?

i'm lost!

Love is smting beyond my wisdom. wad u see,may not be wad it is.

u may visual recovery in the mist, it may be far from truth,try knowin,at ur own risks..

I’d lost my faith in True "Love","Care" or "Miss" its all bullshits on my list..

my body n mind's just an empty shell , given up on truths i could NEVER tell..

they said i'm so normal i'd gotten well, but who noes how I feel? to me,

everyday's in hell ..

ever since....

that day i fell..

n swore,to the empire of Love,

I shall rebel.

Gurl n moi finally clear our misunderstanding... which was veri gd..at least misunderstanding is clear le....so life still has to go on.. she was sorry for wat she did to me..niah i m ok wif it.. it sonli irc.. moi getting a hang of irc stuff.. its juz lame n useless.. dont take it too serious.. hehe

I learned a lesson in my life

But I learned it the hard way

I don't know why I used to fall in love

With the wrong kind

Then I suffer so much pain

But I only had myself to blame.

:sad:

Well will blog again.. aiks..

b E rEAl mE

2004-10-20T11:24:00.000-07:00

Well another day.. finally i got e job i reali wanted n dis time is perm.. keke... kind of hapi for it.. n tml starting wk le.. dis can keep moi mind of alotz of thingy.. hur hur hur..

Pepper left spinx.. weird i can say.. e truth not reali out.. y she left?? is she guilty or wat? y she keep doing dat to me?? i wonder?? too many ppl cum tell me thingy dat i dont reali haf e ans.. jei mei ask me how can hotmail email to check ip add.. i asked alotz of ppl all cum tell me cannot?? m i being too sensetive again.. somthing is wrong there.. i cant trust anyone.. no one. i dont noe who to trust.. onli myself.. too many questions in my mind dat i dont noe how to ans myself.. y she went to tell sweetie abt me? things dat i neber say.. e promise we had.. she broke e promsie den y m i still keeping e secret.. haiz.. i dont want to reveal n betray anyone ..Qt told me wat she said abt me.. lolzzz dis was expected she wld go tell abt me n her ex.. i dont understand y she must think it so complicated when we two were onli friends.. juz some normal friends went out for movie n even to haf a coffee session.. wats on hermind?? she is so possessive.. cant she put it aside n do her thingy in spinx.. y must she timen time keep finding faults in me?? when i cant even b bothered abt her?? zzZzzz.. it was so long ago.. so long ago b4 i even join spinx.. i noe she is out to revenge but for wat?? anythingy she can do to me but y do it to spinx.. she reali noe my weak pts.. jiemei is rite she hated me e test we tested out proof everything.... well she did a gd job to let me tested her out.. she hated me bcoz of a guy.. a worthless guy.. so silly of her.. to ruin herself.. haiz.. i juz dont understand these ppl.. guys its juz guys.. cant i b close to ppl .. bth.. mayb she need to go think n wash her own brain.. so evil of her to do dat to me.. when i dont even bother abt her.. so many questions popping to moi head.. making me so blur n confuse.. i cant even get e ans when jiemei ask me all her doubts.. its making me so luan.. well as wat jiemei say juz sit backie n @@ wat she will still do to me. juz wait n watch can le.. dis is stupid.. so virtual.. zzZzz.. its juz wasting my time.. i cant b bothered le.. i juz want to get on wif life..

Ppl ask me y i keep wanting to find out e truth n not let it b close.. wat wld others think of me..haiz.. mayb i think too much also.. but dats human.. i need e truth to clear myself n clear all e doubts dat is going on..

pple take wrong directions all e time..

if not,how do we eva realise our mistakes..

n make better choices..

late it might b for ur life so far,

but it is nv too late for ur life ahead..

maybe thru wrong directions,

u made e wrong choices..

but does it mean dat thru e right directions,

u wld always make e right choices?

if everything seems like a big trial..

hold on to ur faith..

for at least, u had a chance to live a choice..

Well, me n hubby we neber reali tok le.. he busy wif his exam.. n i also dont noe wat to tell him.. coz we sure argue de abt dis prob.. i also dont want to argue.. if i do i noe i wil ask him questions dat he cant even ans me.. n i m sure of it.. dat he noe e truth too.. but nvm juz let it b.. juz hope things will go no fine wif everyone.. all these will stop.. its getting on everyonhe nerves i guess.. so muchie happen here n there.... no one to blame but dis is human.. everyone make mistake but dis incident reali show me alotz more den wat i expected.. aiks..

i've already done my best,

but my hopes begin getting less,

my heart stil can't get to its little nest, so tired,

i tink,it badly needs a rest...

why is my love still in a mess?

i always tot,

God's giving me a test.

but the tests seems never end,

breaking the heart more, yet to mend..

my life's meant to b like tis, i guess..

though breathing yet lifeless, so depress!!

all i wish, Is he'll confess, whether he loves n misses me......

as much as i'd always stressed...

hmm..

are the lovely messages sent what he really meant???

why then,

since the day away Love went its till not back to get my heart tended???

Wateva going to happen next.. juz b a spectator n watch ba.. there is no need for me to do anyhting anymore coz its all virtual.. juz let it b..ending here keke.. hope i can b my real self n not think too much anymore..

TruthnESS

2004-10-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

Finally moi new blog is done.. n dis is e last time i going to change blog le.. keke..mix feelings.. dis few days r all mix feelings..

Remember dat day when hubby tok to me abt ali saying dat they checking on somethings n hope i was not involve.. nothing reali pop to moi mind abt wat can i b involve wif her.. aiks.. until e next day.. hubby told me wat reali had happen.. disappointed was there.. he asked me abt e email n i suing them.. zzZZZzz y wld u b suing them bcoz of ali.. i dont understand.. den kor call me also n told me it was lover's email.. it was her ip add n all dat.. y? y she want to do dat?? i dont understand.. kor wants me to drop e case but i feel dat it wasnt fair at all.. kor suspected me so i want him to fun out e truth wor.. well, i m sure kor noe e truth but he juz dont want to tell me.. i dont believe kor wld let dis matter pass esp since its abt conflicts between e staff.... i wont buy dat.. i feel dat its not fair bcoz he is doing it now bcoz i want e truth he own me dat.. as a leader dont he haf e rite to find out e truth??all e questions all pop to moi mind.. i will wait for e truth no matter wat.. i dont care how long e time is n i wnat to noe e truth n i m sure kor noes but he onli want to do it for them n i as a bait to take e blame.. dis is so disappointing... veri..all dat i haf done.. i neber ask for any thingy in return juz onli hope ppl appreciate.....

No love for myself.

And no love for another.

Searching to find a love up on a higher level.

Finding nothing but questions and devils.
Losing my sight.

Losing my mind.

Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine.

Nothing's alright.Nothing is fine.

I’m running and I’m crying.

I can't go on living this way.

Mayb i m upset veri coz moi kor suspected me n e person i love tested me.. but as wat hubby say to me.. he wanted to b fair.. he said i was part of him n dat spinx was also part of him.. but e issue is not spinx now.. its more on staff prob... haiz.. juz hope things will go well.. i dont want anymore of these.. i onli hope e truth will cum out soon...

I juz mish him alotz more den anythingy.. juz a few more mths he will b backie.. juz hope things will wk out..

SickO

2004-10-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

Today still so sick…. Haiz.. been slping on sat e whole day, cant stand it.. went to @@ e doc.. but seems to b e same.. wonder wats wrong.. keep feeling giddy.. ~~>.<~~

Me n hubby didn’t reali tok muchie lately.. he busy studying ba.. juz mish e days we used to chat so often.. but I also busy wuif moi thingy.. haiz.. wking life is so boring. Moi everyday go wk n nua n even feel like slping.. worst keep feeling giddy. Don’t noe wat happen. Duhz…spinx server having some prob.. e rest was telling me dat hubby had an argument wif kor.. haiz wat can I do.. diam diam is e best.. both also close to me.. liew.. anyway now shld b ok le ba.. its everyone’s effect juz hope don’t go to waste can le.. keke..

Thousand over days I spent wishing,

To b held, once again, in his arms’ bracing.

So past days dat I kept on waiting...

Till time drowned all my hopes…

Disappointment was beyond wad I cld cope,

my heart's like a dead knot on a rope... without him,

i'm like a drug addict without dope.

Just when I thought it was e end,

He held me so tight in e hand,

Hugged me close, n had my heart mended...

I had no intention to defend,

After all, my heart's been longing for his to amend.

My dying heart found its strength to beat,

Once again, I’m back on my feet.

My fading hope found its glamour to shine.

Once again, I’m back to his love dat is blind.

Taking all dat he gives,

Coz I hafe no idea till when I’ll receive

All these love n care, no idea r they deceits,

Once again, to myself, I deceive…

He proved to me,i was pretty convinced,

Without his love, I cannot live…

Under e stars,we pledged our love n sealed it with a kiss,

Sweet n loving, it lingers on my lips.

Heart to heart, once again, he touched me deep.

Dis is wat I found in moi email.. a nice n meaningful:

If u find urself in love wif someone who does not love u, b gentle wif urself. There is nothing wrong wif u. Love juz didnt choose to rest in e other person's heart.
If u find someone else in love wif u n u dont love him/her, feel honored dat love came n called at ur door, but gently refuse e gift u cannot return.
Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How u deal wif love is how u deal with you, and all our hearts feel e same pains n joys, even if our lives n ways r diff.
If u fall in love wif another, n he/she falls in love wif u n den love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go.
There is a reason n there is a meaning. u will know in time. Remember dat u dont choose love. Love chooses u.
All u can reali do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into ur life. Feel e way it fills u to overflowing, den reach out n gif it away.
Gif it back to e person who brought it alive in u.
Gif it to others who deem it poor in spirit.
Gif it to e world around u in anyway u can.
There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need.
They see their hearts as empty places dat will be filled by love, n they begin to look at love as something dat flows to them rather than from them.
e first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as need.
They cease to b someone who generates love n instead becum someone who seeks love.
They forget dat e secret of love is dat it is a gift, n dat it can b made to grow only by giving it away. Remember dis, n keep it to ur heart.
Love has its own time, its own seasons, n its own reason for coming n going. u cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. u can only embrace it when it arrives n gif it away when it comes to u.
But if it chooses to leave from ur heart or from e heart of ur lover, there is nothing u can do n there is nothing u shld do.
Love always has been n always will be a mystery.
Be glad dat it came to live for a moment in ur life.

"If u want to b hapi, b."---- Leo Tolstoy

ThinGS cHANge

2004-10-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Thingy haf not been going well lately.. its been some time since I reali write moi blog..Started to wk le.. well wk is busy but at times also slack.. moi colleagues all veri funi de.. hehe.. nice ppl too.. hur hur hur..

Last few days was lantern festival, went to he pan wif jiemei n zhen.. well was not in veri gd mood.. had a few arguments wif hubby lately.. don’t noe y? saw firewk dat day.. how I wish he was here wif me to watch e firewk.. its so diff from staying at hm to watch from e tbee n watching it in real life.. it was beautiful..

We finally tok again after a few days.. don’t noe wats wrong wif him.. but feel dat he juz not in gd mood ba.. Feel dat he gif him self too muchie stress.. I feel so bad dat I wasn’t by his side to help him or wateva.. I wish I cld b there to console him but guess we got to wait.. we not toking muchie lately.. think we two need some time to haf our own space ba.. he hosted dat day n keke he played some of moi fav songs n he was telling me some of it was I send to him de.. hur hur hur..all of them was so bad disturbing me n hubby.. zzZZZzzz..

Ytd was kind of pissed abt some thingy… kor called me n we tok abt it.. he was telling me at times hubby also side wif me.. haiz.. well, but e way we @@ thingy is diff wor.. its ok if helping wif it but when wrong also must admit mah.. all I can say is I trying to cope wif moi emotional n I think I m doing it veri well now.. kor knew abt moi hosting for other channel..zzZzz well I admit n apologise for not informing him.. lucky he took moi explaination.. duhz.. at least I admit I was wrong n no one was there to help me cover loh.. haiz…

I juz mish him alotz n his bday is on e way.. too bad I cant b there to celebrate wif him.. n on his bday he wld b having exam.. poor thingy.. I pray to god hope dat god will protect him n hope dat he will do well in his studies.. muackZzzZ hubby…

A STORY WHICH I WANT TO SHARE:

e story start wif a guy, name Paul n a gal named Ella.. Both of were still students.

In one of e days during their June holidays which they haf been waiting for, they met each other at a basketball court.. Coincidentally, they started playing a match wif each other.. they had fun.. As Ella knew one of e frens of Paul, she asked for Paul's no.. At tat time, Paul didn't want to fall in love again, after getting so much hurt from e previous one.. Sadly, tat fren of Paul didn't give her e no.. As days went by, e holidays ended.. They met each other at another basketball near Ella's skool.. Day went by n Ella borrowed Paul's hp n missed call her own hp to get his no.. Tat very nite, she sms Paul.. They chatted n had fun.. Till one day, Ella expressed her love for Paul.. Paul loved her much too.. after thinking 4 a long time, Paul thinks tat he n Ella wld last, thus, asked her if she wld be his partner..Obviously, she agreed.. They went steady for one n a half short mths.. all ended e relationship.. wif her parents not allowing her to go steady as a reason.. who on earth wld accept tat lame reason? but Paul, like many other love victims, had no choice but to let go..

Years past and another fell in love wif Paul.. She was Mary.. Paul n Ella didn't contact for a very long time.. Paul still loved Ella very much.. but nvr had a chance to tell her.. one day, along a street, Paul was wif Mary.. Paul saw a familiar figure across e road.. guess who was tat? it was Ella.. Paul ran acrossed e road, without noticing a truck coming.. BANG!! everyone near him crowded around tat area.. Mary screamed as she rushed to Paul.. Ella joined in e crowd.. She remembered e face, one who loved her so much in e past.. Next to him, was Mary.. He wasn't dead.. 'dun give up.. say my name, 100 times, 1000 time, a million times.. u're gonna say it till u can finish a million b4 u can stop!!' Mary said to Paul.. wif tears in her eyes..

Everyone thought Mary was Paul's gal.. Standing at one side, alone, was a gal crying.. tat's was Ella who regretted breaking up wif Paul, after recalling how nice Paul treated her in e past.. Paul was sent to e Hospital..Mary n Ella were there.. Praying hard.. An operation was carried out.. Paul didn't survive.. e Doctor came out, shaking his head.. Sighed.. He too, thought tat Mary was Paul's galfren, thus approached her for an apology for not being able to revive Paul.. He said to Mary: "Miss Ella.. ur boyfren didn't survive.. he gave himself up after calling ur name 157 times.. I m sorry.."

e Doctor has actually mistook Mary for Ella.. Paul was calling out for Ella.. Ella cried in a corner.. She knew why he had stopped at 157.. tat was e day she broke wif him..(15/7) she, who ended e relationship which Paul treasured so much, has in turn, ended Paul's life..

IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE DEEPLY.. NVR LEAVE TAT PERSON.. U'LL NVR NOE WHEN U'LL NEED HIM/HER BACK IN YOUR LIFE AGAIN..TREASURE UR LOVED ONES..YOU'LL NVR NOE IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WIF YOUR PARTNER WOULD ACTUALLY MEAN A LIFE TO HIM/HER..

B0rINg

2004-09-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

Another day of boredem.. exam around e corner.. sick again .. sianz.. gastric flu.. duhz.. dont feel gd.. cant slp well also.. don’t noe y??? time passes veri fast.. now middle of sept le.. soon exam .. liew.. hate exam period make me nervous onli.. zzzZZzzzz..

Tok to Tingz mei mei.. haiz she told me her prob.. sorry cant help her onli can b her listening ear.. she told me she veri upset.. call moi hp n cried.. feel so bad.. ask her to go take a rest n @@ how thingy go.. after dat she woke up n we continue to chat.. keke can feel dat she was tense so we tok abt sex.. lolzzzz tell her some secrets.. wahahhaha.. bad hor.. anyhow teach her.. keke.. dont want her to b upset hope dis cld cheer her up a little.. after dat she went diner wif chase.. haha came backie n tell me thingy was ok le.. glad for her.. at least now she don’t feel sad.. hur hur hur..

The mouths of envious

Always find another door

While at the gates of paradise they beat us down some more

But our mission's set in stone

'Cause the writing's on the wall

I'll scream it from the mountain tops pride comes before a fall

So many thoughts to share

All this energy to give

Unlike those who hide the truth I tell like it isIf the truth will set you free

I Feel sorry for your soul

Can't you hear the ringing 'cause for you the bell tolls

I'm just a freedom fighter

No remorse

Raging on in holy war

Soon there'll come a day

When you're face to face with me

Face to face with me

Lately office veri de tense.. ytd so many argument.. haiz no arguments wont make us betta ba.. don’t care lah.. I also cant b bothered @@ them quarrel onli.. don’t feel like toking muchie also.. sianz of it.. ace was in a mess ytd.. I didn’t do a gd job.. some ask me mai recruit some ask me recruit.. zzZzz.. hubby wanted to recruit husky.. hmm scared he too emotional.. but anyway decision stil lies in them.. no comments.. I don’t noe how to control moi hro.. ya I don’t.. mayb prob lies wif me.. I not serious enough.. haiz.. sianz…

Moi ex call me again.. haiz.. dont noe wat to tell him.. time n time.. he worried abt moi sickness.. i told h im i ok le.. so dont worry.. anyway we tok awhile.. dont noe wat to tell him also.. juz let it b ba.. time will tell..

wads so great abt him?

some1 kindly hint?

he got me head over heels,

i loved him so i strongly feel.

he glanced over n caught my eye,

my face felt burnt...was that shy?

i felt so lost in his eyes...

like there's no way out,

i don't know why.

he read my heart from my eyes,

n sensed i'm melting away just like ice...

he smiled,

but it seemed so sly,

was it something he wanna imply??

but the smile took me for a fly to the clouds of hapiness in the sky.

lurking behind could all be lies,

i couldn't see,

coz love is blind.

Today hubby say he mish me.. keke .. kind of hapi.. I veri easy contented de.. last few days we didn’t tok.. think he busy ba.. den I also sick.. slp n slp.. juz hope he doing fine in his studies.. keke.. muackzzzz hubbyyyyy...

Mo0dlESs

2004-09-17T02:12:00.000-07:00

Well been moody since ytd.. haiz.. ytd was mixed feelings ba….

Met up wif jiemei n sweetie downstairs moi house.. lolzz we chat like no body biz.. until 3plus… ZzzZ so tiring.. tok alotz abt dat day at chalet.. zzZzz keep disturb me.. nbz.. sweetie was sad.. haiz wat is done cannot b undone also.. she haf brought hurt to ppl so does she herself haf brought hurt to herself.. times passes veri fast.. truth r all out.. guess there is nothing she can do also.. but wait.. sometimes I feel dat.. trust is so impt in a relationship.. when ya trusted someone so muchie n he betrayed ya trust.. if e guy doesn’t haf his stand, cant get himself off e tempation.. wat can we gals do.. haha.. I haben reali cum across such thingy yet.. n I hope it wont happen to me.. mayb now I feel dat if moi bf also do dat.. haiz as long he cum backie to me I will 4gif e whole thingy but 4get its hard wor.. juz hope such thingy will not happen to me..

ur words r like a whisper dat haunts me in e nite;

Wif every special word u say,

my aching heart takes flight.

Wif every single touch u gif,

make my mind dream.

e luv I feel so deep inside 4ever we will share.

Imagine wat wld happen if 2gether we cld b;

Our hearts wld melt 2gether,

our luv will be 4ever free.

I noe I shld not feel e things I feel so deep for u,

But deep inside my aching heart,

I will b alwaz loving u.

After all these while I think I haf seen enough of e ppl dats around me.. jiemei tell me time n time.. ppl r fake n no one is real.. So many all these nonsense.. sick n tired of all these ppl.. y must b fake..cant they b real… yah irc sux.. reali sux.. Sweetie was telling me if she didn’t cum into irc again all these will not haf happen.. haha moi pt of view is.. she too emotional le.. dats y coz all these troubles… no matter how heartless I m I still cant b like jiemei.. I reali fu le her.. she can reali b so heartless..

Today tok to Tingz mei mei.. haha hapi for her she finally reach there n can @@ Chase le.. but she say sianz wor.. well its like dat de.. two ppl staying in e rm sure got nothing to do de mah.. lolz. I m sure Chase will gif her a gd times n memories there de .. kind of mish hubby.. how I wish I was there wif him.. not now ba.. anyway … juz a matter of time… ask him wanted to do a blog for juz e two of us n he said ok.. kind of sweet.. ask synn didi to help us do.. coz both of us also don’t noe.. lolz..i like e blog alotz.. keke veri nice n e intro he did was veri sweet of him.. juz hope thingy will wk out rite.. keke..

A Love Story

10th Grade As I sat there in Eng class, I stared at e gal next to me. She was my so called 'best friend'. I stared at her long, silky hair, n wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like dat n I knew it. After class, she walked up to me n asked me 4 e notes she had missed e day b4. I handed them to her. She said 'thanks' n gave me a kiss on e cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to noedat I dont want to b juz friends, I love her but I'm juz too shy, n I don't know y.

11th grade e fone rang. On e other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on n on abt how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to cum over bcoz she didn't want to b alone, So I did. As I sat next to her on e sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, n three bags of chips, she decided to go home She looked at me, said 'thanks' n gave me a kiss on e cheek.. I want to tell her, I want her to noe dat I don't want to b juz friends, I love her but I'm juz too shy, n I don t know y.

Senior year One fine day she walked to my locker. "My date is sick" she said, "hes not gonna go" well, I didn't have a date, n in 7th grade, we made a promise dat if neither of us had dates, we wld go 2gether juz as 'best friends'. So we did. dat night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as She smiled at me ndstared at me wif her crystal eyes. den she said- "I had e best time, thanks!" n gave me a kiss on e cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know dat I don t want to b juz friends, I love her but I'm juz too shy, n I don't know y.

Graduation. A day passed, den a wk, den a mth. B4 I cld blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to b mine-but she didn't notice me like dat, n I knew it. B4everyone went home, she came to me in her smock n hat, cried as I hugged her. den she lifted her head from my shoulder n said- 'u're my best friend, thanks' n gave me a kiss on e cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to noe dat I don t want to b juz friends, I love her but I'm juz too shy, n I don't know why.

Marriage. Now I sit in e pews of e church. dat girl is getting married now. n drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like dat, n I knew it. But b4 she drove away, she came to me n said 'u came !'. She said 'thanks' n kissed me on e cheek. I want her to noe dat I don't want to b juz friends, I love her but I'm juz too shy, n I don't know y.

Death. Yrs passed, I looked down at e coffin of a gal who used to b my 'best friend'. At e service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. dis is wat it read: "I stare at him wishing he was mine; but he doesn't notice me like dat, n I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to noe dat I don't want to b juz friends, I love him but I'm juz too shy, n I don't know y. I wish he wld tell me he loved me ! .........'I wish I did too...' I thought to my self, n I cried.

*** Do urself a favour, tell her/him you love them. They won't b there...................Forever. ***

Tok to husky today.. haiz he thanked me.. zzZzz.. make me blur.. lately its like everyone all upset.. so m i.. upset abt life.. life sux.. reali sux.. but thanx god still got hubby to stand by me n some friends who reali stood by me.. jiemei also lah.. don’t noe wat she thinking.. her love life also suxxxxxx.. lolz.. /me wink wink at jiemei.. haiz don’t want to @@ her get hurt also.. hope she is ok.. love someone must say but wat happen if e person don’t love ya n all these were lies.. >.<~~

m00DlesS

2004-09-16T13:24:00.000-07:00

Lately haf e time but did not reali blog.. don’t haf e mood ba…

Saturday: Boi boi bday.. so many ppl I met.. spinx members were there.. some I seen b4 loh juz some touch up on some ppl I haf not met.. alpha keke ke ai de nan hai.. ron, gentleman ba.. mel mel ah benggggggg n Subaru were there… so was many others.. kor as usual suan me.. hmmpf~~ everythingy was fine until more n more ppl appear.. keke bear ask me to start e ball rolling.. zzZzz I also neber start lah onli pass e drink to boi boi.. haha he so ke lianz de face so red.. den got jio to drink by a gal.. haha moi long mao de gf.. knew a few days ago dat its long mao gal gal.. >.<>.

Sunday: Got hm in e morning.. liew wif a bad headache.. juz feel like vomiting.. e moment I reach hm went to take a hot bath n lie flat on e bed.. omg.. freaking headache.. woke up in e noon time.. tok to chase.. duhz he told me hubby waited for me.. felt so guilty.. if I wasn’t drunk e previous nite such thingy wldnt haf happen.. >.<~~ eat si mi also feel like vomiting.. reali hangover until sibei jialat.. well I think most of e truth is out abt boi boi but yet to noe.. haha.. tok to hubby he was busy e whole day.. chase say I neber treasure sat shld haf cum hm earli n tok to him.. haiz.. we neber reali tok.. keke .. he busy wif his assignement ma.. so had to understand..

Si boss n e rest .. zzZZzzz...all keep suan me abt e chalet thingy.. got drunk.. zzZzzz arghhhhhh.. but hor also bo bianz lah.. duhz.. heard dat dont noe y she turn up also.. pengzzzz den she like one siao charbo make so muchie noise.. -.-!!

Lately abit stress over some thingy.. e leaving of cozy was hard on me.. I keep having e feeling dat I was e one in fault.. if his comp neber spoilt I wont haf been taking over his job.. feel kind of bad but in e 1st place I neber wanted to replace him at all juz felt dat no one was not around ma den onli me.. haiz hope he don’t think dat way.. one by one telling me they want to quit.. e setback I had when I decided to say I want to QUIT was when cozy say he leave also.. haiz.. feel so lost at e moment.. alpha, chase, ting mei,ger ger, qt darling all ask me to stay.. I also bu she de.. tok to hubby abt moi decision after I told kor I want to leave.. kor was angwee I didn’t gif him e reason also… he so angwee.. =.=z hubby too was disappointed in me.. as wat he say those who stayed longer did not gif up y did i.. haiz i was e gal who neber gif up de.. she always fight till e end de wor.. I veri tired.. tired of fighting but I cant lose.. coz I m a gal who cannot lose at all ba… I manage to convience moi self to stay.. I don’t gif up so easy de.. i hope cozy dont also.. hope he think again.. everyoen here also having a hard time..

Ytd morning kor pte me.. hubby told him e reason.. he kind of console me.. feel muchie betta. Keke.. as wat kor say he didn’t gif up on me so I shldnt gif up... I wont.. not now n not anymore. told everyone off feel dat too muchie commotion in e office.. all e kpo.. zzZzz darling was hapi dat I said it out finally since no one said it out.. I was veri straight abt such thingy.. haiz.. coz saw nuren veri angwee… aiya y all like to kpo de.. who n who together also must b kpo.. disturb is one thingy.. kpo is another.. I bth all these le.. so told everyone off.. noe den diam diam lah need to spread n tok behind meh.. liew.. a lotz of us r affected.. darling, tingz, me, alotz more.. everyone is juz ren.. haiz for wat.. nvm lah wat I say I say liao hope juz no more SUCH GOSSIP LE… tired of it..

Somethingy juz meant to b.. sweetie decided to take a break.. haiz .. she going to feng diao dis time dont think she can pick herself up. how to help her if she herself don’t even want to help herself.. I learn to pull moi self up from each setback I haf.. hubby teach me all e setback dat I haf I learn some thing. yah I did n not making e same mistake again.. e secret dat we haf been keeping haf been out.. omg.. sweetie say she don’t mind don’t care.. but I noe she care n mind.. I noe she having a hard time to cope wif it.. haiz.. I veri worry for her.. juz hope dis period of time. she able to pull herself.. she trusted e wrong person. haiz y ppl juz don’t listen to wat moi say.. haiz.. warn her mai listen now all these happen.. I don’t noe how she going to solve it.. I noe she is crying now.. haiz.. who wont.. dis setback I think is e greatest blow.. she start to mish him too.. she is always in a relationship dat she shldnt b ba.. ke lianz.. all she want is love from e guy dats all.. aiya which gal don’t want.. I also want mah… she love e wrong guy..
Stevie was upset during hosting.. we chatted awhile… e story he tell make me think alotz.. guys cry too.. juz dat most guy choose not to cry.. haiz hope he is ok.. as for mel mel arh… we chatted on fone.. aiya I don’t like ot bother abt ppl relationship coz I cant even settle moi own de.. I so fan liao.. but console mel mel loh.. @@ he so sad.. everyone lately all upset relationship prob.. think now is e season of relationship prob…. Moi ex call n call n call.. I want to feng liao.. slam down his fone don’t noe how many times.. pissed me off.. cant he tok nicely.. y everytime call me must quarrel de.. haiz.. when will he eva understand how i feel.. so many yrs le.. he say he change .. i dont @@ any changes.. no use le.. i say alreadi no use le.. wats over is over.. i so heartless hor.. Qt darling said b4 i was heartless to leave spinx.. i wonder n how was i heartless to leave moi ex.. he need me now.. but i still stay firm on moi decision.. coz i noe hubby need me more n i need hubby more den any other ppl...

At times I juz hope hubby will b more attentive in wat I doing or wateva it is.. crying is wat gals like to do.. lolx wheneva I pek chek or upset or pissed off e tears juz roll… stress also .. haiz.. gals r much more easier den guys .. cry cry loh.. who bother.. lolz. Well ask synn didi to help me n hubby do a blog.. keke .. hope it will b nice.. juz wanted somethingy dat belong to us.. mish him alotz.. muAckZZZzzz..

I haf 4gotten how to do it as u haf made me lose my mind.

I focused all my devotions n I put them all to use upon u.

I wld struggle n crawl,

den start to bawl.

My mind was obsessed all upon u,

I failed for all I stood for n I told myself it wld nv happen to me as,

I said I wld alwaz b able to see.

I fell for u,

I gave u my heart n u took it apart,

den threw all e pieces away,

As if u didn't ever want me to luv again.

I luv u once n I will luv u again.

I noe it is wrong to luv u again but if I wld do,

I wld have sin of not luving u.

HappENinG

2004-09-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

Lately alotx of thingy happen.. haiz.. hubby was drunk on thur.. zzZzz.. he stress lately over e recruitment.. haiz.. i also start to stress abt recruiting ppl.. did a big mistake by trusting e wrong person.. feel so bad.. tell kor abt it n said sorry.. haiz.. hope i b more careful... as for hubby i m sure wateva he do n his decision he is doing a rite choice.. he must haf consider alotz de b4 he make a decision.. so hope hubby mai stress le... wateva his decision i will SUPPORT him de.. keke.. most of them cant b patient wif ger ger.. haiz i also last time bo patience de.. but find ger ger veri ke ai.. she still young ma.. tok to them n hope they can gif a bit more patience loh... keke

Sometimes at nite,

when I look to e sky,

I start thinking of u n den ask myself,

y?y do I luv u?

I think n smile,

Bcoz I noe e list cld run on for miles.

e whisper of ur voice, e warmth of ur touch,

So many little things dat make me luv u so much.

e way u support me,

n help wif my emotions,

e way dat u care n show such devotion.

e way dat ur kiss, fills me wif desire,

n how u hold me wif e warmth of a blazing fire.

e way ur eyes shine when u look at me,

Lost wif u 4eva is were I want to b.

e way dat I feel when u're by my side,

A sense of completion n overflowing pride.

e dreams dat I dream,

dat all involve u,e possibilities I see n e things we can do.

How u finish e puzzle dat lies inside my heart,

How dat deep in my soul, u r e most impt part.

I cld go on for days, telling of wat I feel,

But all y reali must noe is my luv for u is real.

Found out some truth abt boi boi.. no wonder find thingy so weird.. haha e sis hor reali bianz tai... or is she a les.. omg... so old liao still dont noe how to think.. pls loh..bth.. use boi boi nick n chat wif us.. haiz... i wonder y she do dat.. weird.. use boi boi nick n lie.. jio sweetie b gf.. lolz worst buy her a ring .. reali is omg...alotz of question pop up moi mind.. y she want to treat sweetie like dat?? wat for?? y she want to sian sweetie.. duhz.. ke lianz de sweetie must b veri hurt.. she love e real boi boi so muchie.. haiz.. but find out all a fake .. all lies.. >.<>

Lately veri close to husky.. keke.. he veri sad.. haiz.. hope his sadness wont b dat long.. he hor veri ke ai de.. small boi boi.. i always like to disturb him.. keke...haha moi pet doggie.. lolz..we chat quite often.. den dont noe y.. everytime tok to him i say wat he also luff.. -.-!!.. si mi so funi lah.. liew... bth..

This story i saw in some forum...

Walking thru e path, step closer to my lovely place, finally I reach Pasir Ris Park.. Looking up at e sky, listening to e voices of e sea, breathing e fresh air at e breeze, I sat down e rocks, my mind suddenly wanders n start thinking abt e past I had wif my ex-stead, Eileen, I noe her thru internet.. we chatted thru e phone, thru e net n even sms for almost a couple of wks n finally one day, she call me to acc her as she had some luv prob..
well, as a friend, I agree n we met.. I remember our 1st meeting, e very 1st moment wif her is at Pasir Ris Park.. dat time, she is sad n hurt coz her stead wanted to break up wif her.. she told me her story n I found out dat she has been abused by bro long time ago n dat's y she has a very bad attitude towards other guys... She cried wif her tears drop down apart.. I lend her my shoulder to lean on n ask her to shout out loud to vest her emotions out.
Looking at her eyes, don't noe y, I feel like wishing to take care of her, wishing dat I can hold her hand tight n b wif her thru e sad days.. After a few days of incident, we still do our same old past time, chatting thru e fone n one fine day, I ask her if we can go steady, I tell her dat my feelings toward her is not like a friend.. suddenly, she kept quiet, e atomsphere around me is very silent... she den ans dat she don't wish to go steady as she don't wish to hurt my heart again... she say she had a very bad attitude n character dat every x-stead cannot tolerate her.. without 2nd thoughts, I told her dat I will prove to her dat I can change her attitude n character n I will b at her side no matter wat happen coz I told her dat I m not like other guys, I won't easily gif up on a gal whom I like, I told her dat I hope we can be 2gether n I will take care of u thru e days, b wif u thru e hard times n will hold yur hands tight 2gether to overcome every probs we face...
Well, after a few sec of silent, she finally agreed n dat day we become stead, my life, my journey had changed to another one.... Days after days, time had pass, our luv is like a magnet dat can nv repel.. our memories we had is hapi wif laughter thru e days... We had overcome lot of probs, bcoz of her, I haf to repeat 6 mths of my course, bcoz of her, I gif her all my time, all my day juz to b wif her... bcoz of me, she run away from home coz her parents disapprove, bcoz of me, she lack of study.. but coz our luv force is so tite dat we nv gif up hope..
I thought I had change her life into another person, but it is all a dream... Around e 3rd mth, her attitude n character change... juz bcoz of a small matter, she will shout at me, scold me n even beat me... My friends even saw her slap me at e bus-stop.. I don't noe y she like dat treat me but I noe dat her attitude n character is like dat, but I still tolerate dat feeling I get.. Mths after mths, her attitude is getting from bad to worse... she will beat me for no reason but after all e beatings, all e scoldings from her, after a while when it is peace, she will cum toward me n hugs me n apologize to me n all e pain I get had disappear.. After our 10 mths of steady, I finally go for a job as I need to earn $ $, coz of dis job, we often quarrel.. our luv became more lesser n lesser... e days I had wif her had bcum smaller n lesser.. I got told her my reasons, but she don't care, she ask me to quit e job but I nv.. I really need to earn $ $, I really need to work, I thought she will understand but she nv.. days after days, she started to ignore my calls, she started to ignore me... I noe y, but she don't seem to understand me.... so, I decide to find her, I go to her house n wait for her, n after a few hrs of waiting, I saw her walking down e stairs wif a guy holding hand 2gether.. dat moment, I m hurt, I m very sad, e feeling I had is like an arrow pierce thru my heart.. No words, No thought, I noe it is over... dat nite, she call, she apologise to me, she say dat e guy had like her since pri sch... I don't noe wat to say, his looks, his fame seem to win me.. I am hurt, I hang up e fone wif my tears shattered all over, I keep writing poems, everyday I go to e park hoping dat e sad memories will b gone.. e day we met, now e day I go to e park, is alone, wif nobody at my side, I blame myself all along, our luv is very strong like a magnet, but bcoz of dat job, e time I nv gif her had change my life into another person.... Till now, I still got go to e park, like wat I did at e past, coz only dat place, is where I wanders, nobody noe only e sea, e air, e atmosphere noe...

haiz in a relationship understanding is so impt.. if ya love one dont haf e time fo rya does not mean dat he dont care or dont concern.. thoughts r there but at times ppl still haf to go on wif life.. i learn to b more understanding n patient.. having him now make me learn alotz.. i learn alotz from him.. patience... he reali haf a lotz of patience.. keke.. i love ya hubby.. muackzZZZz..

When I m wif u,

eternity is a step away,

My luv continues to grow wif each passing day.

dis treasure of luv,

I cherish within my soul,

How much I luv u,

u will nv reali noe.

u bring a joy to my heart I haf nv felt b4,

Wif each touch of ur hand I luv u more n more.

Whenever we say gdbye,

whenever we part,

Know I hold u dearly deep inside my heart.

So these seven words I pray u hold true

"4ever n Alwaz I Will Luv u."

HaiZZZZzzzzz

2004-09-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

So long neber blog.. been busy lately.. due to e new temp job.. e job is fun.. doing alotz of wk n time reali pass veri fast...lately veri upset.. dont noe y.. think depression mode ba...

A few days ago told someone off n tok it out wif her.. finally tell her how i feel.. hope history will not repeat n dat she will change... Ytd also dont noe wat happen juz reach hm den kor pte me to go witness.. veri luan.. den hubby was angwee.. haiz i in e middle of both of them..one is kor one is hubby.. haiz.. hubby so angwee i also dont dare to say muchie.. den tio ganz by dat gal... ZzzZZ.. haiz.. so childish de.. duhz..anyway after dat hubby log off wifout saying anythingy.. >.< den chase, ting mei mei n moi tok in msn.. they two hor veri funi de.. lolzzz...
Sat boi boi bday cuming, i still dont noe wat ot get for him.. think after chalet go club.. keke.. lately juz feel moody ba.. haiz.. moi ex ask for patch again.. haiz... so fan.. he wants me to make him stay .. haiz..juz hope he will take care of himself when he go oversea to study...

A STORY TO TELL:

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... A cancer dat can't b treated.
He was 18 yrs old n he cld die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He nv went outside but he was sick of staying home n wanted to go out for once.So he asked his mother n she gave him permission.

He walked down his block n found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store n looked thru e front door for a sec as hewalked. He stopped n went back to look into e store. He saw a young girl abt his age n he knew it was luv at 1st sight. He opened e door n walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer n closer until he was finally at e front desk where she sat.She looked up n asked "Can I help u?" She smiled n he thought it was e most beautiful smile he has ever seen b4 n wanted to kiss her rite there.He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I wld like to buy a CD." He picked one out n gave her $$ for it."Wld u like me to wrap it for u?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.He nodded n she went to e back.She came back wif e wrapped CD n gave it to him. He took it n walked out of e store.He went home n from den on, he went to dat store everyday n bought a CD, n she wrapped it for him. He took e CD home n put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out n he really wanted to but he cldn't.

His mother found out abt dis n told him to juz ask her.So e next day, he took all his courage n went to e store. He bought a CD like he dideveryday n once again she went to e back of e store n came back wif it wrapped. He took it n when she wasn't looking, he left his fone no on e desk n ran out...

!!!RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up e fone n said, "Hello?"It was e gal!!! She asked for e boy n e mother started to cry n said, "u don't noe? He passed away ytd..." e line was quiet except for e cries of e boy's mother. Later in e day. e mother went into e boy's room bcoz she wanted to remember him. She thought she wld start by looking at his clothes. So she opened e closet. She was face to face wif piles n piles n piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs n she picked one up n sat down on e bed n she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD n as she took it out of e wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. e mother picked it up n started to read it.It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out wif me? Luv,Jacelyn e mother opened another CD...Again there was a piece of paper. It said:Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out wif me? Luv, Jacelyn

Luv is...when u r 2gether u feel hapi & e feeling is juz rite. when u r apart u miz e person so much u r dying to see him/her. n when its e end it hurt so much somehow. one day when u look back u will
smile n say "i'm glad to haf u in my life"

In life neber eva fail to do thingy dat ya will regret... at times i feel so regretful of e thingy dat i haf done.. but life has to go on... haiz.. moi wishes now is onli e return of hubby.. n nothing muchie.. i m disappointed of e late return but i noe he need his time also.. after e long study dat he got time to go relax.. keke..

At nite b4 I go to slp,

I will look up n pray to a wonderful man above.

I pray dat he will help me,

help me to get back my luv.

I pray dat my luv will return back

n I hope he noe I care.

I luv him wif all my heart

but y does he haf to go?

Praying dat he will b here wif me again

is wat I m going to do.

I noe dat god will help me

bcoz he noe my luv for him is true.

SIAnzzzZZZzz

2004-09-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

Haiz another day of mon didnt go wk or rather no wk at all.. lolz tml start wk le a new job but also temp de lah for a wk onli.. but gd pay n looks fun.. keke..

Sat had a nice chat wif Qt darling n hubby.. keke until late go out.. lolxx bo bianz got to take cab n pick sweetie up den went to ktv at cuppage plaza.. kind of fun.. @@ some new ppl also.. they all veri funi de.. angel pissed me off dat day.. lolxx i also veri bad lah.. wahahah make her walk here n there who ask her mai cum also mai say earli n worst i got to take her pressie walk everywhere.. zzZzz..after ktv went to watch a movie "13 going to 30" not bad lah e show but hor abit sad also.. haiz.. sweetie was crying after e show.. as wat she say can reali think backie at some things... lolx.. but all those were sweet memories.. after e movie all decided to go db.. lolx dance until i so shrag.. long time neber club le.. reali mish those days wor....but now everyone haf their own life wat to do.. haiz.. clubbing doesnt reali is wat i want lately also but can say sat was reali an enjoyment.. coz long time bo @@ sweetie le n we hor reali neber go out muchie mish her alotz.. .. Ron ask me go mw.. lolx in e end i bo go.. keke den we sms n tok abt thingy.. haha... he hor veri funi de...

Sun was e same nua at hm.. den chat wif kor,ink,qing,hubby,tingz mei, chase... haha.. they all veri funi de.. den dat kor keep disturb me.. zzZzz.. tao yan.. lolx... after dat hubby was tired n say he go slp so all of us hang up den suddenly hubby call me backie say he going to bed.. keke.. dats sweet of him..i was still feeling abit disappointed of his delay return but nvm lah juz abit more of waiting.. actually dis few days of wks i quite patient liao.. keke train moi de patience.. lolx.. alex call me ytd we chat awhile.. he hor veri funi de.. always say buaya me..buaya his head lah.. kns.. he told me abt e gal ... haiz i sick n tired of toking to her at times also.. dont wish to get close to her unless impt.. arbo ma fan..

today reali damn tired Qt darling was telling me somethingy.. haiz worry for her hope she will b ok.. love is blind de sometimes feelings cant b control.. i juz hope she back out now.. if not she will b hurt more.. dont wanna @@ her get hurt.. /me huggies darling n sayang her.. hope she cry it out n mai keep it inside arbo veri pain de.. den ytd sms hubby, he today den receive... diao loh den he tell me he in sch.. lolz i tell him ytd den sms him de.. wahahhaha.. he so kawai... den ask me wat i doing.. keke.. i ask him pay attention n study.. hur hur hur.. when he cum backie den tok.. keke.. mish him alotz.. dont noe y... muaCkzZZz hope he mish me too.. hur hur hur..

haha one more thingy we got a nice sjjjjjjjjjj dats hui^3r.. moi new dottie.. she hor veri ke ai de.. but veri young le.. den i tell her anythingy go look for ya daddy.. hubby say so cute suddenly got one dottie.. lolxxxxx.. well still haben decide wat to get for him yet.. he wont b backie for valentine's day also.. but nvm lah.. i ask him wat he going to gif me he so sweet say gif me his heart.../me grab hold of hubby's heart n mai let go.. at least now we seems to b ok le.. keke hope thingy will wk out fine.. hur hur hur..

izzit IT suPPOse To Be SweET

2004-09-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Ytd neber go trim hair.. haiz coz meet jiemei for diner.. =X today die also must go trim le.. so messy like dat .. lolx..backie at wk i think i got infection in moi eyes.. so painful.. >_< haiz.. another day of wk but finally fri le tml sat i going out keke.. reali veri long neber go out le.. but on e other hand moi also liek bo mood to go out.. dont noe y.. haiz..

Moi comp sot sot de... last few days cannot skype at all but hor ytd sot sot de suddenly e icon pop up.. lolz den can skype.. Tingz also veri lucky ask me can tok n chat in skype.. =X i told her after hubby host we chat.. so rite after hubby host we chatted.. she was telling me her prob.. haiz den find out abt somethingy.. haiz y must she b so kpo.. say abt us.. WE CANT HELP IT IF GUYS LIKE US WAT.. zzzzz she want she also haf wat.. wats e prob i juz dont understand loh.. we neber lead them on at all its juz e way we express ourselves make them feel dat we r veri comfortable to b but we also make it clear wat.. haiz... wats so nice to say behind ppl's backie i wonder, i reali dont understand.. i dont even want to go confront her.. its juz a waste of moi time,,, coz i find her veri fake.. she can b so nice to ppl in front n behind tok abt ppl.. =.=z
I was telling Tingz aiya juz dont bother lah let it ba coz ya is not in e wrong... no one is love is blind at times its emotional dats cums into them but we also cant help it at all...=) den Alex told me abt wat she put in her blog.. haiz.. he so angwee n i was upset i can say.. coz dat term was meant for me wor.. y copy.. duhz.... copy le den nvm go change it to her own way.. diao loh.. but i also bo bianz do alreadi do.. i find her veri weird.. yah Tingz n me may b close wif her friends n they like us but does not mean dat we leading them loh.. from e start we made it clear wat.. haiz.. dis is too muchie.. but i also dont want to bother le.. veri tired ... anway its her mouth she want to say let her say lah i veri sianz of it le..when she tired of saying she will eventually stop de lah.. she want to b popular let her b.. i cant b bothered le...

I told hubby ytd, actually i didnt tell him e whole thingy but i think he will noe ba.. i m sure he trust me de ba.. no matter wat i do i will b faithful to him.. i haf full trust in him n i m sure he has too.. sometimes i wonder do hubby get jealous at all.. lolz mayb he dont ba.. i didnt tell him abt Alex coz i feel dat all e while me n Alex were juz friends n nothing even if he want to sianz me hubby also cant do anythingy coz they r two different person.. its how i manage n gif him secure.. hur hur hur..we chatted abit n told him a little abt her n he said take it as a test of moi patience.. mayb ba.. coz i always bo patience.. =X Hubby was sick, kind of worry for him.. dont noe y when he sick i worry de.. hope he had a gd rest.. his exam cuming up le.. hope he recover by den.. actually ytd wanted to skype wif him but he say he not feeling well.. keke.. lucky he got take medicine.. reali mish him alotz..

I need something to do

Something to get my mind off of u

Something to help me get away

To 4get wat happened dat day

To 4get every sad memory from e past

To 4get e love u had for me dat wldn't last

To 4get how I was dropped on my face

How God promised me it wld all fall into place

I don't want to remember a bad time

When u hurt me so badly it was almost a crime

I want to 4get all those bad things

I want to be an angel so I can haf wings

Wings to fly away from here n up into e sky

Wings to go e Heaven n lose my reasons to cry

I want to be an angel n not haf to fight

Be an angel without a problem in sight

To live in harmony without a care

To noe y u r leaving n to where

Even in Heaven I wld watch over u

dat juz means my love for u is true

Backie from lunchie sian rain so heavy got to wait so long for e rain to stop.. zzZzz nearly late cum backie..

..::::.. Love Means ..::::..

A gal n guy were speeding (on a motobike) over 100 mph on e road..

Gal: Slow down. I m scared.

Guy: No this is fun.

Gal: No its not. Pls, its 2 scary!

Guy: den tell me u luv me.

Gal: Fine, I luv u. Slow down!

Guy: Now gif me a BIG hug.

*Gal hugs him*

Guy: Can u take my helmet off & put it on? Its bugging me.

In e paper e next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building bcoz of break failure. 2 ppl were on it but only 1 survived. e truth was dat halfway down e road, e guy realized dat his breaks had broken, but he didn't want 2 let e gal noe.
Instead, he.. had her say she luv him & felt her hug 1 last time, den had her wear his helmet so dat she wld live even though it meant dat he wld die For u see, no one reali noe wat tml holds in store for u. u might not live to see e next day.. n sometimes u haf to tell someone something, but run out of time to do so..

So take 5 minutes out of our time to tell someone u love them bcoz u reali nv noe if dis is e last day of ur life.

B0Red

2004-09-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

At times i also dont noe wat i thinking.. haiz.. life so boring lately for me..for e past few days i neber reali go out >.<~~ i also dont noe y??today late for wk... take cab liew waste $$ haiz can save e $$ to cut hair somemore...zzzZZzz.. but ytd finally meet jiemei for diner.. keke long time bo meet le.. actually not long lah but we neber reali go eat n tok le..she busy i also busy haiz.. we dont stay far but she bu yao wo leeeeeeee..coz now she got her ex bu yao wo le.. duhz..lolz we went bubble tea to eat.. keke den chat loh.. as usual all e same topic all pop up.. haha.. kind of enjoy e time wif her mish her so muchie.. lolx gan dong hor.. she cut n perm her hair.. wahahahahahah sibei funi.. actually look nice on her also.. more mature.. keke... Diner halfway boi boi sms me ask me b hm by 7.30pm ...ZzzZ.. i thought cozy say everthingy settle le.. den after diner rush backie hm.. pek chek.. they say settle le den in e end.. zzz make a mess out of it.. i so pek chek.. tell all of them how i feel.. i also lazy to say muchie le.. after e meeting i tell hubby i go slp le.. he also veri ke ai ask me got thingy say in e tag box of spinx.. keke.. ytd we chat awhile.. haha he send me some pic which i collecting to put in e spinx webbie mah.. den hor i go put one of e pic in moi friendster... duhz... so ke ai...sometimes i find hubby veri xiao hai zi qi.. lolz.. but at times he is mature in his thinking also.. but in moi eyes he always e sweet n loving person.. keke.. now onli wish dat his bday faster cum.. den can shorten e days of his return..den can @@ him liao.. =X mish him lotz lotz.. muACkZZzzz

Alex ytd did a veri silly thingy but i find him veri sweet to do dat.... he go dedi songs for me.. n is every slot.. haiz i feel dat he is putting all e effort while me juz dont bother abt it .. but yesh i was touch but also haiz like dat.. den he say if i got hear den its gd.. juz as i reach hm n log on e comp tuning in to spinx den heard his dedication.. liew so concidence.. i tio shock.. reali le.. e song was by liang jing ru Third party.. de san zhe.. haiz..i dont noe izzit fate dat let me hear e dedi.. reali it was so shocking coz i neber expected de... thought moi wont haf e chance to hear coz i also dont noe when he dedi n when e sj will read loh...juz nice i tune in den Ink our new sj read n played.. diao loh....

Nobody is perfect until u fall in luv wif them...
Luv starts wif a smile, grows wif a kiss, n ends wif a tear...Dun cry over any1 who wun cry over u...

Wat do u do when e onli person who can make u stop crying is e person who made u cry?If luv isnt a game, y r there so mani players?

Gd frens r hard to find, harder to leave, n impossible to 4get...Actions speak louder den words...
e hardest thing to do is watch e one u luv, luvs somebody else...Dun let e past hold u back, u're missing e gd stuff...Life's short.. If u dun look ard once in a while, u might miss it...

A best fren is like a four leaf clover, hard to find n y to haf...Some ppl make e world special by juz being in it...Best frens are e siblings God 4got to gif us...When it hurts to look back, n u're scare to look ahead, u can look beside u n ur best fren will b there...True frenship nvr ends...Friends r 4eva...Gd frens r like stars.. u dun alwaz see them, but u noe they r alwaz there...

Dun frown, u nvr noe who is falling in luv wif ur smile...Everything is okay in e end.. If it's nt okay, den it's nt e end...Most ppl walk in n out of ur life... but onli frens leave footprints in ur heart...If u luv something, let it go.. If it cums back to u, it's urs.. If it doesnt, den it nv was...

LUV is juz a word until its proven to u...Remember.. every min u spent angry is sixty secs of happiness wasted...

NOw all i can think of dat happen is juz parts n pcs of life.. wateva happen life has to go on no matter gd or bad.. jiemei always tell me must b hapi.. i also dont noe y sadness is always there.. i dont find happiness at all...at times i m hapi but sadness still cum in.. haiz.. how i wish i can b like jiemei no need to think n fan juz keep smiling.. >_< One thingy i like is FINAL FANTASYYYYYYYYY XXXXXXXXXXXXX omg.. yuna so chioooooooooooo chiooooooooooooo.. e song is also nice.. hurhurhur.. found dis in a friend's blog... nice i can say.. keke

"Sutaki Da Ne" means "Isn't It Beaufiful?"

e wind

like a heart dat swam in e accumulated words

e cloudsa voice dat was shot into e holding futuree moon

a shaking heart in an unsteady mirrore stars

gentle tears in an overflowing stream
Isn't it beautiful

to walk 2gether in each others hands?

I do so want to go

to ur city, ur house, into ur arms.
dat heart held within ur body...

In those confusing nights,

I dream...e windits halting words r a gentle illusione clouds

e broken future like a distant voicee moona heart flowing in e clouded mirrore stars

broken n swaying, like tears unable to b hidden.
Isn't it beautiful

to walk 2gether in each others hands?

I do so want to goto ur city, ur house, into ur arms.
dat face, a soft touch...

Dissolving into morning, I dream...

keke i hor until now still cant put e music in moi blog... ~~>.<~~ bo bianz if not sure put dis song de.. haiz...nvm i try again mayb dis few days ask someone to help me put e song.. keke..hmm mayb lata after wk i go cut hair.. haha.. want to dye also mah.. lolzz

LiVe LiFe T0 HapPINEss

2004-09-01T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today another long day.. wking life is boring for me i can say.. not muchie excitement coz everyday i sit here DO NOTHING.. duhz.. but life has to go on after all...its boring coz 7mth didnt reali go out.. always after wk go hm den irc n nothing le..arbo lately rushing for project loh.. wat else can moi do.. haiz.. i find moi life getting bored...

Ytd was Tingzzz bday, she was crying on her bday.. aiyo.. tok to her awhile.. haiz, i also cant help muchie onli can tell her juz relac thingy will wk out juz fine.. shhe worry too muchie le.. think too muchie juz like dat time when i was so rush abt moi n hubby.. at times when we love someone n put in alotz we tend to want it backie too.. which its hard.. not everythingy dat ya gif in ya will haf it backie.. someone thought me dis b4.. mayb at e moment i put in alotz i want somethingy backie in return.. Tingzz n me e same we want e care n concern from them.. which gals dont want wor.. but as i say they still got their own life.. i learnt e easy n hard way now.. at times when hubby did not repli is no dat he mai care its dat he is busy.. at least Tingzz is betta off den me, they can tok on fone while me n hubby hard ba.. keke.. but mishing each other is betta.. He called her but Tingz didnt want to pick up i told her pick up ba.. tok it out.. at least he still care if not dont think he will call.. hope she is ok... no more worries...

Den goes boi boi..haiz ytd he got scolding from Kor.. i dont reali noe wat happen also but kor was pissed off ba.. telling boi boi L O V E is not a game.. i think everyone feel dat boi boi is playing wif sweetie.. izzit or izzit not??? i also dont noe.. i onli find him veri kong bu.. cant get wats he is thinking.. although we r veri similiar in character but i find dat he change to someone veri terrible.. someone who i dont even dare to go near le.. *Shiver* his bday cuming i also dont noe wat to get for him.. moi mission make him seh.. duhz.. den i can go hm liao.. =X he told sweetie dat he will ask her to patch in front of us.. haha i waiting to @@... nice show on dat day.. no need $$ to pay at all... =X moi onli hope sweetie will b hapi coz i noe she veri sad for mths le i think since e day she n boi boi noe each other.. haiz.. i like to @@ everyone hapi even if i m sad.. as long ppl r hapi can le..

Chat wif Alex ytd.. haiz e same thingy.. he change new blog.. lolxxx n he told me dat blog is onli for me to @@.. hur hur hur.. we chat almost everythingy .. but i think e more we get close e more i m hurting him.. he was telling me dis ytd

"Letting go of someone dear to you is hard, but holding on to someone who doesn't even feel the same is much harder. Giving up doesn't mean you are weak! It only means that you are strong enough to let go!"

Haiz i dont noe wat to say so lost at words.. den i read his blog.. he reali write somethingy which i neber will expect coz he always write it in brief but dis time he write alotz reali throw out his feelings..

"i so happy for her that she got together with someone she love but in the other hand i was selfish , trying so hard to let her know how much effort i put to let her give me a chance to accept me . but i know it is impossible and i know her heart is fix for someone . which is not me and she know i will get hurt most of time "

I noe i hurting him time n time.. he reali trying veri hard n i not moving at all.. moi love for hubby was so strong i didnt noe until last few days.. e thought of losing hubby was so frightening.. i m like taking a big risk.. but i juz cant let him go.. dont noe e feelings is too strong for hubby dat i dont want to let go n accept him.. wateva he had done for me.. i m touch yesh i m but i juz cant accept.. i find moi self so heartless.. wat will ppl think of me?? i find moi self such a bitch at times.. hurting such a nice guy..

I feel so pissed of someone.. dont noe y she trying to dig out thingy abt me.. so kpo.. pissed me off.. ytd i log off veri earli.. too tired dont even feel like chatting.. so juz off e comp n lay on e bed.. den Alex call..we chatted n i nearly doze off.. lolxx i too tired le lah bth... in e end i cant stand it le tell him i reali need to slp cant stand liao.. haha den we hang up .. mish hubby alotz.. at times i wish all these dat Alex did to me is wat hubby doing to me.. haha but i will wait for him to do de.. his return will b soon ma.. so i m sure he will treat me BETTA when he cum backie.. hmmpf~~.. lolx

Saw dis in some webbie :

A sad thing abt life is dat when u meet someone who means a lot to u, only to find out in e end dat it was nvr meant to b n u juz haf to let go.

Destiny decides who u meet in life, but it's only ur heart dat can decide who stay in ur life.I luv u not bcoz of who u r, but bcoz of who i m when i m wif u...No man or woman is worth ur tears, n e one who is, wun make u cry...

Juz bcoz someone doesnt luv u e way u wan them to, doesnt mean tat they dun luv u wif all they haf...A true fren is someone who reaches for ur hand and touches ur heart...e worst way to miss someone is to b sitting rite bside them knowing u cant haf them...

Nv frown, even when u r sad.. bcoz u nv noe who is falling in luv wif ur smile...To e world u may b one person, but to one person u may b e world...

Dun waste ur time on a man/woman, who isnt willing to waste their time on u...Mayb God wants us to meet a few wrong pple b4 meeting e rite one.. so tat when we finally meet e person, we will noe how to b grateful...

Dun cry bcoz it is over, smile bcoz it happened...There's alwaz going to b ppl tat hurt u.. so wat u haf to do is keep on trusting n juz b more careful abt who u trust e next time round...

Make urself a better person n noe who u r b4 u try n noe someone else n expect them to noe u...Dun try so hard, e best things cum when u least expect them to...True fren remember watever happens, happens reasons

Later think go meet jiemei for diner.. keke long time bo @@ her liao.. she must b mishhhhhhhingggggggggggg meeeeeeeeeee.. lolx she tell me she go cut n make her hair.. lolx must b looking like auntie liao.. oops... lolx

Juz AnotHER norMAL daY

2004-08-31T11:09:00.000-07:00

Backie at wk le... sian as usual nothing muchie to do.. so bored.. but got time to write blog.. lolxx well nothing reali muchie happen lately ba.. juz a normal day.. ytd was a day when i can say i veir hapi.. veri veri hapi.. tok to hubby.. keke enjoy e chat veri muchie...

Ytd kor decided to haf a meeting wif e hro.. we call in to kaki.. keke..sweetie was in also.. lol kor hor keep disturb me abt moi voice.. zzZzz.. den tok abt last sat event.. haiz abt sabaru.. as wat i say he too emotional but he still young lah.. need to b more responsible.. they were thinking of asking him to leave but for moi pt of view.. lolx i feel dat gif him a chance betta... he ok de lah.. learning period mah.. hur hur hur.. den say abt mel.. well i nothing to say le.. wat i want to say alreadi say.. den fone hang.. zZzZz.. den kaki ask to call backie.. lolx onli we 3gals.. den i n hubby pte chat also.. i tell him we 3 gals toking like 38.. duhz aiya must admit ma gals r 38 de... =X i also neber tok muchie lah juz listen onli.. den kaki was saying abt e couple thingy in spinx.. aiya i also dont feel like bothering.. i juz feel dat everyone haf their way of life.. irc life, real life n wk life.. wat so eva as long they hapi wif it i think its ok de lah.. Kaki also having prob wif her dear.. hmmm i nv ask muchie also juz hope they r ok ba.. den sweetie n boi boi arh.. everyday can @@ them drama veri funi.. sweetie veri bad de everytime ask boi boi to hong her.. lolxxx he also orbi lah.. =X.. den dont noe who so bo liao go disturb sweetie channel den i go ask moi friend for help.. wats irc opper.. zzZZzz they cant even do anythingy at all.. waste moi time tok to them i askl other for help betta.. lolz..

Alex ytd made up his decision to fade away but in end he also cant do it.. i feel so bad.. he noe i will not accept.. he tell me he wont gif up.. haiz.. i so hapi to chat wif hubby.. kaki n sweetie say he love me n all dat. den i ask hubby ya pay them $$ arh ask them to help ya say gd words.. lolx.. hubby ask me backie do ya think i treat ya gd.. yah he do treat me gd but he say he dont feel dat he treat me gd.. den i tell him i noe he need his time also.. all i hope for is he mai ask me gif up n say harsh words n he say ok.. hur hur hur.. like dat i veri hapi le.. den i told Alex.. coz he ask me mah den i hurt him.. i feel so bad.. he is like moi pillar, angel n a friend i treasure so muchie...i dont wanna lose dis friend.. but my feelings for him juz cant develop at all.. i dont noe y?? all i can feel is a friend a veri close friend dat i neber want to let go..

True friendship never ends.

Friends are 4ever.
Gd friends r like stars....

u don't alwaz c them,

but u noe they r alwaz there.

Don't frown,

u nv noe who is falling in love wif ur smile.

Everything is okay in e end.

If it's not okay,

den it's not e end.
Most ppl walk in n out of ur life,

but only friends leave footprints in ur heart.
If u love something...

let it go.

If it comes back to u its urs....

If it doesn't den it nvr was.
A kiss is juz a kiss until u find e one u love.

A hug is juz a hug until its from e one ur thinking of.

A dream is juz a dream until u make it come true.

LOVE is juz a word until its proven 2 u

After our meeting kor was saying alotz of thingy den hubby ahd an arguement wif wm jie jie.. duhz fierce le.. i 1st time @@ hubby so fierce i also scared dont even dare to pte him tok.. den i n Ron pte.. Ron say gd wat say we two sama sama fierce.. zZzz.. where got .. he fierce i scared liao loh.. diao loh.. after e arguement i also pek chek lah dont noe y lah.. den hubby also say he going to slp.. haiz at 1st everythingy ok de.. den turn out like dat.. haiz.. but nvm i still hapi.. keke .. mish hubby lotz lotz.. muackZzzZ...

Nobody is perfect until u fall in love wif them.

Love starts wif a smile, grows wif a kiss, n ends wif a tear.

Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over u.

Wat do u do when e only person who can make u stop crying is e person who made u cry?

If love isn't a game, y r there so many players?

Gd friends r hard to find, harder to leave, n impossible to forget.

u can only go as far as u push!

Actions speak louder than words.

e hardest thing to do is watch e one u love, love somebody else.

Don't let e past hold u back, u're missing e gd stuff.

Life's short.

If u don't look around once in a while u might miz it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find n lucky to haf.

Some ppl make e world special by juz being in it.

Best friends r e siblings God forgot to gif us.
When it hurts to look back, n u're scared to look ahead, u can look beside u n ur best friend will b there.

Neber reali catch up wif jiemei lately.. think dis wkend got to catch up wif her.. mish her alotz also.. keke.. well stop e blogging here today ba...

SiCKneSs

2004-08-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

Mc today didnt go wk... been sick since Fri.. liew dont noe wats wrong.. now worst.. flu.. sianz..

Sat was Spinx Craxe.. kind of stress at 1st.. coz neber reali plan e whole thingy well.. cldnt take it after all den went to take a nap in e noon time.. evening time woke up n waited for mel mel to b bakcie for e meeting.. well i can say he reali put in effort... h pte me n tell me wat he wants n wat to do.. actually i kind of stress abt it wor.. coz kind of hard to do wat he wanted me to do.. 60ppl bt 10pm =.= hard wor.. i dont even dare to stress e rest of e Hro team.. haiz..so in e end i pte some of moi friends n ask them to tune in n ask them to spread around..well it was a lotz of team wk...

Den lata at nitez kleo kor was doing e ending for Spinx Craze.. ZzzZzz.. got call in mah den i want to slp le so call in n disturb.. lolzz but hor in e end i tio suan n sabo.. diao loh... den kor asked me if i had a wish wat wish i wanted.. of coz i wanted to b wif e man i lo9ve mah.. den he ask me who.. zzZzz.. den ask me to say i love hubby.. n even tell me he got record.. diao loh.. reali veri diao.. i so pai seh.. haiz.. after e whole thingy i waited for sweetie to call in den i go n slp le.. e day was tiring but as i say.. but we all enjoy n had lotz fo fun..

Sunday was terrible day.. i also dont noe y.. i juz hate sunday.. Tingz was upset we chatted.. haiz i noe how she feel also.. she having nitemares abt him running away well at times i also feel dat way ba... esp dreams.. but dreams r still dreams.. hope it dont happen in reality... haiz as wat she sayguys dont reali understand how we gals feel.. mayb ba.. for hubby i also dont noe le.. sometimes he can b veri sweet at times he juz dont care.. like tingz even say le also dont noe they understand wat we mean bo.. duhz.. i told her juz relac n take thingy easy.. but hor easy to saay den done.. =X guess we two juz want e concern n care from them ba... no matter how strong we r.. we r still gals mah..

Haiz i feel so bad towards Alex... he so sweet towards me all e time...he deciding to go oversea n will b going abt e time moi hubby will b backie.. he told me dis even we cant b a couple we can b friends... he told me dat he wants to accomplish somethingy dat is to @@ me hapi wif e man i love when he leaving is e day he had accomplish.. he is someone i find veri hard to understand.. dont noe y at times wat he tell me i reali dont get it.. lolzz i told him i veri heartless de.. he say i m not. coz i cant do it... i trhing to do it.. forcing moi self to treat him dat way.. being heartless to him..he told me he got feelings for me but he noe e outcum will not b there... he onli want me to b hapi... he dedi two songs for me ytd.. i veri touch by all e words he say.. but in fornt of him i act as heartless as possible.. i cried ytd i feel oso bad... i tok to darling n she tell me dont get too emtional.. den she left to slp le..

I read his blog n surprise dat he wrote abt me:

just happen i din find a love .. but i gain a new friend .. she sound fierce to me .. but her voice really know how to make guys feel turn on lol * blush * . I can say she so unique from other gers .. Sad to say she got someone in her mind . She share her life experiences to me .. i feel so honoured to be her listener .. Some time i am just like angel look after her .. She happy or sad .. or angry she can come to share her sorrow with me .. haha .. I find myself knowing her is excitement in life . Some time i really know what i wanna in life but sometime i really need someone to share my happiness what i achieve it ... hehe ... i think she say .. my turn is not yet come ...

I need someone to tok to so desperately.. i so lost.. dont noe wat to do.. i tried to ask hubby was he free juz to haf a normal chat.. i juz need to get something out dats all.. he told he he was going to slp.. so juz a gd nitez n sweet dreamz i said to him..hubby say i always liek to think negative.. ya i do.. i think for e worst but i hope e outcum will b gd..dats me ba... i trying veri hard le.. i hope i can also.. i juz need to keep moi self cool ba...

I dont noe how to make moiself hapi now.. he say when i hapi he will b hapi.. is he???i tink i hurting him instead.. when he @@ me hapi was when hubby tok to me or when he tok sweet thingy n i feel so hapi.. dat short moment was enough for me le..n i shared those meories dat i had wif hubby to him.. but i think i hurt him instead..

i dont haf e mood to bother abt other ppl stuff coz i haf enough of moi own stuff... jiemei tells me abt she n her ex.. haiz i also dont noe how to help her.. but she old enough le lah.. can help herself de.. for baobei arh..haiz...juz hope he can think ba...

Days R GETTIng NEAr

2004-08-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

Friday reach.. i can say dis wk hor veri fast.. sibei fast also.. hmm.. times passes veri fast le.. 69 more days n his bday cuming.. i still haben decide wat to get for him.. still cracking up moi brain.. wonder wat he likes... we didnt tok ytd.. i think he busy study ba.. keke.. at times i reflect abt wat he say in moi life now there i sno him.. haiz yah loh wat to do.. e onli thingy i can write abt him is we chatted n wat he did or wateva.. bo bianz.. but hope it will wk out soon ba.. hur hur hur..now still earli to say lah.. i now taking each step at a time...

Our Love

I thought we had it made as nice as it seemed.

I knew we fell in deep in luv

Or was it wat I dreamed.

I knew we had something strong a love no one can tear.

den I went n did something wrong n dat I can not bare.

We wld tell each other our plans of our future, kids n place.

Soon I saw e tears rolling down my face.

If only I had known,

I wld've waited for awhile,

to find e perfect day.

I wld do anything to prove my luv for u,

I juz hope n pray everyday dat u believe my luv is true I hold u in my heart,

which lays so heavy,

weak n sad,

I wish u were here wif me so I wldn't feel so bad.

dis is how I feel,

I wanted u to know.

n I pray n hope dat someday,

I can c our love grow…

Lately everyone's mood seems to b diff.. Sweetie esp i think she pretty upset ba.. hmmm but she acting now as everythingy is ok.. haiz can understand de lah.. i also went thru dis b4 juz dont want anyone to worry for her ba.. i not dat worry abt her le.. i think she is old enough to think wat to do n wat she reali wants.. juz i will b here for her if she NEED A SHOIULDER TO CRY ON...hur hur hur..

As for moi jiemei.. liew she go tell her ex abt me.. >.<>

Dis mth hor reali dont noe its ghost festival or love festival.. so fan.. moi so guai neber go out.. IS NOT MAI GO OUT IS I SCARED TO GO OUT LOH.. arbo sure late hm den hor so mo mo.. duhz..moi scared of dark mah worst must take lift.. Alex n moi got closer recently.. haiz i find him hard to understand at times but yet he is a veri nice, friendly person but i think he at times think too muchie.. he is like me always think of negative thoughts..lolz.. we r trying to understand each other.. he is a friend which at dis moment i dont wanna lose.. coz he is hard to understand h ehor reali a great challenge.. lolz..getting to noe h im day by day make moi life veri interesting.. he tell me dat he got feelings for me.. pengz.. i scared dat i may hurt him.. he is a nice guy n i dont want to do dat.. dne he tell me he not afraid to get hurt.. he waiting for it.. its how muchie moi can hurt him.. haiz.. dats wat i worry coz at times i think i reali hurt him.. i say thingy to frank le.. >.<>

Den there goes airen.. haiz i think i hurt him again.. he was saying ytd dat wish me all e best since i hapi now.. i also dont noe how to tell him.. he wrote a story in e blog.. i feel touch yet i find dat e feelings for him is not there yet n moi kaki put in her blog.. -.-!! He tole me ytd dat he dont noe how to put e ending.. actually e ending i also dont noe.. will e ending is wat he hope for or will e ending b diff.. i also dont noe..i noe he veri concern abt me n care all these which make me at a lost at times.. at times is not i dont want to tok to him.. when i tok to anyone or wateva as long its a guy he will not b hapi n think dat i ignore him.. i neber wat.. aiyo.. i also got tok to him.. i find him veri sensetive.. keke..but i hope dat he noe i neber ignore him lah.. haiz..

Rain Rain Go Away....

He wld alwaz stand there in his usual spot at e bus stop.I will alwaz sit there at my usual seat at e bus stop across. Same time , Same place he will b there. I don't know y he seems so attractive to me. I juz like to look at him, wishing he wld look at me too.. Nv will it happen. n each day I wld juz stand there. Each tiny action, each little move captured my attention. I noticed how he's alwaz alone , how smart he carries his sling bag around his shoulder, how cool he lean against e pole... It became my daily highlight, hoping to b able to see him again. Even if it is watching from afar... I feel stupid, silly.Falling for a guy whom i nv talk to, who might not even noe my existence, not even knowing his age, his name. I practice day after day wat will I do if he cum walking up to me. I wld imagine he coming over n say, " Hey I c u everyday. u live near here? Want go for kopi?" It remained a fantasy day after day. He seems so near yet so far. I can only hold my admiration n luv for him from afar. He's so perfect to me. I kept my hair long on e assumption dat most guys like long hair. Mayb he too... I try to look my best everyday.. however I noe I can't deny e fact dat I'm juz a plain simple gal who gone on dates less than 10 times. 'Mayb it's juz puppy luv' I told myself each nite at e same time bearing hope to c him e next morning.

I remembered it was raining dat morning. I rushed out of hm wifout an umbrella n was unable to make across to my usual bus stop due to e pouring rain. While I standing there puffing breaths of white mist into e air, he was there, beside me. In my hurry I nv noticed him. My fantasy, my dream guy of so many mths is now besides me.. How can I handle dis.. Looking desperately for something to do, I try hard to calm myself. In my clumsiness I dropped my purse. Shit! I juz disgraced myself in front of him. Now he will think dat I'm juz a clumsy nerd. To my astonishment, he helped me to pick up e purse n handed it over to me. I juz shyly mumbled thanx, bending my head low n stare hard at e ground. "Do u live around here?"Those were e first words he spoke to me n breathed life into e frozen me.. [His name is Ryan n lived around e neighbourhood, a year older than me.] I responded shyly to his questions. Simple 'yes' n no', clutching my hands tightly 2gether.

Suddenly there's a long period of silence. He juz stood there looking at me. I quickly avoided his eye n sing softly to myself... " Rain rain go away cum again another day~"" y do u want e rain to go away...?" he asked.I was confused. His bus had arrived n is leaving. I can only uttered, " ur bus is here..." He turned n said gdbye... n all I can do is silently watched him go away. We talked over e phone for e next few days, exchanging long hrs of experenices n thoughts. I realised dat we haf so much in common. like same kind of music, hate to haf milk in coffee etc.... I was like living in a dream, a wonderful one, wishing dat I will nv haf to wake up...

Finally he dated me out. I spent hrs chosing e rite outfit, putting on make up.. hoping he will like my perfume. When we met at e bus stop, he looked so much handsome in his pants n shirt... rather den e usual T-shirt n jeans. I thank God for everything... We went to dis cosy little pub n went for a stroll along e beach hand in hand. I don't noe who reached for whose. But it feels nice to feel his hand holding mine... A light drizzle came n he suggested to sit at e nearby shelter. Sitting close 2gether, I can feel his breathing, his heart beat so near... Looking at e rain I juz sing naturally... " Rain rain go away come again another day...~" He turned n looked at me straight in e eye, " y do u want e rain to go away...?" I was dumbfounded... He gently tilted my chin n kissed me. Hugging me close, he whispered.. " I will be leaving for a while.. but trust me I hate to leave u..." I cld not gather enough strength to ask y... just nodded my head... n bathed in dat moment of bliss. He was not there at e bus stop e next day, e day after.. I don't noe wat happened n was afraid to noe ... thinking sadly he must haf dumped me.. But when I recalled his sad eyes when he sent me home... his gentle face... I noe deep in my heart I trust him...

A parcel came for me a mth later. I opened it to find a necklace with an angel pendant n a letter from Ryan. Wif trembling hands I read ..."Dear Angela.. by e time u received dis letter... I might b in heaven by now, watching over u... I'm sori... nv mean to hide e fact dat I'm suffering from brain cancer all along... But I'm scared u might leave me... if u noe e truth... For mths, day after day, I watched u across e bus stop... thinking if u ever c me... u look so beautiful, juz like an angel... an angel to brighten up my life.. I noe wif my condition, I will nv b able to b wif u for e rest of ur life... Hence I nv approached u...e day e rain came.. it was like a miracle for me... u're standing besides me, a blushing angel full of life.. while I'm juz a dying patient... I gathered courage to tok to u n got to noe u. Knowing u was e best thing dat ever happen.. I think it's God's last gift to me... for me to noe n luv u... I don't want e rain to go away... I want to b wif u 4ever... Pls don't b sad.. I will alwaz b wif u, watching over u... I luv u, Angela... now n 4ever..."" I luv u too , Ryan... I reali do...."

Touching story hor.. sometimes knowing someone for a short period of time e love is so strong.. well i end here today.. wkend le.. dont think will b blogging until next wk ba.. keke..

HapPY

2004-08-27T06:09:00.000-07:00

Ytd didnt cum to wk.. got moi results from e retake paper.. keke got a B.. well hapi can say.. at least finally one retake paper down.. hur hur hur.. reach hm hubby pte me.. ask me to help in some thingy.. we chat awhile n told him abt moi results.. didnt noe dat he noe moi took results ytd.. duhz..didnt haf e chance to tell him ba.. i dont reali dare to tok to him lately coz he busy wif sch wk mah.. den i dont want to disturb him also.. yah at times i mish him alotz.. wat to do love is like dat de.. den they conf on skype ytd.. he asked me to call..i chatted awhile den dont noe how cum suddenly hang up.. lolx den i call hubby.. we chat privately...i told him how i felt.. haiz he say sorry wor... i also soft heart lah.. tears juz roll down like dat.. haiz i wanted to stop e tears so muchie but hor cannot lei it juz roll... sob sob.>_<"". i think he also heard moi cry ba.. duhz.. pai seh..i also noe he didnt mean it if i didnt keep pushing.. keke.. at least now betta le.. he was saying dat not dat we one day bo tok thingy is diff de.. yah he need his time so do i.. at least now muchie betta..i onli hope we backie to normal n not like last few days can liao..

Tainted patch:

I never knew wat wld happen,

When u softly turned me away.

Things changed n feelings were dim

But who wld know dat it was for e better.

After e sorrow came e light,

n it was e real u,

Beautiful n warm.

I didn't noe wat to think,

But I didn't haf to bcoz all there was,

Was u.

Well, moi ex call ytd.. haiz.. he sound upset.. den he tell me he going oversea to study le..i wish him all e best n take care.. haiz last time hor we wanted to go oversea to study together de .. he was waiting for moi to finish e coz mah.. now hor no need liao.. duhz.. he sound so sad.. haiz.. den he say b4 he leaving he hope i can meet him go out loh.. den i say ya i will.. he now arranging to go overseas... hope he will b ok.. ^^ his mum also mish me.. lol ask me go for their dinner together.. @@ how ba.. den he tell me his ah gong keep asking abt me.. lol.. his ah gong hor veri dote on me de.. dont noe y also.. keke.. his ah gong so mish me.. must b everytime i go ah gong place buy his fav food.. lol.. den ah gong always say i bring him luck.. zzZzz.. den i moiself bo luck de kns.. lolz

No love for myself.

And no love for another.

Searching to find a love up on a higher level.

Finding nothing but questions and devils.
Losing my sight.

Losing my mind.

Wish somebody would tell me I’m fine.

Nothing's alright.

Nothing is fine.

I’m running and I’m crying.

I can't go on living this way.

ytd meet jiemei n angel.. b4 angel cum, jiemei n i tok alotz of thingy.. haha as usual i noe too muchie thingy le..anyway all those thingy dat i noe hor..is all we expected de but juz e matter of time when it started.. lolx..haiz all these fake ppl.. i also learn liao must b fake to such fake ppl.. but hor i juz bth being so fake.. zzZzz.........irc ppl so kong bu....veri kong bu.. started to tok to Deki also.. he arh still e same...wheneva he online i sure screammmmmmmm for him de.. lolx mish e old days when we together.. now we all seperate liao.. SiGh..kind of mish yongde also.. long time bo tok to him le.. haiz dont noe how he is... i also dont haf e courage to tok to him.. mayb bcoz of Dar ba.. i help dar keep so muchie secrets n moi dont noe how to face yongde.. i think he is e onli one whom i reali feel so bad treating him like dat...dar still young.. hope she start to think ba...

i've never been to me

All my life, I'm not sure wat 1st love feels like, is it a possesive, demanding love or can b easily 4gotten as time goes by. Until 1 guy taught me wat luv meant n realise dat I'm deep in luv wif him n haf no courage to let him noe. It started abt 1 year ago after I broke up wif my boyfriend when I was introduced to dis handsome n attractive guy at fone by my friend. I've already felt very comfortable toking wif him even dat's e 1st time we talked on e fone. It's like we haf known each other for along time, n it's not juz me who felt like dis, c he told me dat he also felt e same like I do. After 2 times toking on e fone, we agree to meet. There's no special feeling I felt when I 1st met him, we're juz hapi to noe each other coz we haf many things in common. den, we get more n more closer, we share our secrets, sad stories, hapi times, n our luv prob. We went every weekend to cinemas, or juz to haf diner 2gether. When I was sad, he cheered me up n said dat everything will gonna be alrite, n whenever I need him, I can b sure dat he'll b there for me. At dat time, I felt dat I was very lucky to haf a wonderful friend like him n noe dat I care for him too. At one day, after went hm from e cinema, he told me dat he loved me from e 1st time we met n wanted me to marry him. I'm very surprised as I haven't think of starting a new relationship wif other guy. I told him dat I care for him as he's e best friend I've ever had. "I care abt u very much but not in love wif u," I said. den he looked me wif a smile n said " it's alright, I understand wat's u're going thru. I juz want u to noe wat I feel for u, a sincerely luv, a luv wif no demand. I noe we can't haf all e things we want in life, so I wish u all e luv n happiness in dis world can be delivered by someone else who will luv u much better den me, coz if u're hapi, den I will be hapi too. When u luv someone so dearly, u will want ur loved one to b hapi, so I will pray for u n hope u will haf e best things in life". I was touched wif his words, n hope he will find his dream girl lata. After dat, we still went 2gether at weekend, haf fun 2gether, n suddenly things got change. As we're busy wif our own activities, we seldom go out 2gether again, n he seldom call me again. I miss him a lot, n often wondering wat he was doing rite now. Is he thinking of me too? den, I heard from my friend dat she saw him wif a beautiful girl at a cinema. I didn't noe how to act, I felt very weak n sad, but said to my friend dat I'm hapi for him. I cried at dat nite, n suddenly I realised dat I've been wrong for all dis time, not only I care for him, I loved him very much n wanted him back in my life again. dis is e 1st time I haf a feeling like dis, is it my 1st love? I don't noe how to say abt my feeling for him, I always remember wat he said "when u luv someone so dearly, u will want ur loved one to b hapi". Everytime I remember dis, it hurts me so much, I kept wondering y m I late to realise how I feel? I want him to b hapi, but it also hurt myself to realise dat I'm still in luv wif him until now. If I tell him e truth, wld it b matter again? Will I ever get my 2nd change n make him turn to me again? I don't noe.... All I can do right now is be hapi for him n hope dat one day I still haf e opportunity to say "I Love U....."

Well i stop moi blog here today.. keke

HaPpy Yey DissaPointed

2004-08-26T04:21:00.000-07:00

Today backie in office le... still e same ba.. nothing muchie to do.. wonder wat happen to moi smking kaki.. she since last wk didnt cum to wk?? hope she is fine ba... alotz of thingy to do.. reach to office read some of moi friend's blog.. haiz.. wat can i say???

Ytd we got road showwwwwwwww... haha moi ## was like liew so flooded dat i also mai chap in n tok.. make moi so blur.. lolzzz.. but can reali say i was glad.. i open e ## i think got 2mths old le ba... keke n ytd was a hit 101 ppl.. reali neber expected.. well thanx to kor, hubby n everyone.. i was reali glad... e oppers in moi ## was also helping out it was reali some team wk there.. keke.. cousin pte moi suddenly... hmmm.. he tells moi juz b careful wif kor.. i wonder y?? he said dis he go thru b4 le juz to warn moi... wats wrong wor?? actually till now i cant think... i cant get e ans.. i was bomb wif alotz of pte wif ppl asking to tok n console.. actually i was not in e mood ba.. coz noon time got a nitemare.. i still cant remember wat it was.. i noe it got somethingy to do wif real life.. will it happen?? i veri worri abt it.. e dream seems veri scary..~~>.<~~ worry ba.. subaru was telling moi abt his relationship wif his juz broke off galfriend.. i all e while dont like to tok abt relationship but i @@ him like dat veri ke lianz wor.. he needed someone to tok to but cant find anyone.. so we chat.. i was hapi dat all moi hard wk did not pay off.. at e end of e day he told moi dat thanx i felt alotz betta... i was hapi for him.. at least for e time being he wont b thinking dat muchie... for now ba.. time heals everythingy... coz i pick moiself using all dis time n i haf confidence he will b able to do it also... i m veri sure...

hubbbbbbbbyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy moi was so hapi for him his peak ytd was 51.. wooooooooooo.. long time we neber reali haf e peak up le..well i guess everyone in e team were all veri hapi.. esp kor.. keke... he was reali doing well ytd.. i was so busy running here n there n pte.. zzZzz.. some of e pte i also ignore.. those i dont noe de lah den those i noe i so pai seh.. =X hubby was veri tired ytd but we still manage to chat awhile.. i think we lately haben been toking muchie also.. mayb we reali running out of topic le ba... he also busy wif his studies coz next wk he got exam.. i also wori for him.. wori for his retake ppl.. but i haf confidence dat he will sure do well de.. i haf been trying to b understanding wif him also... juz hope everything will b fine... i noe in his heart got moi can le.. no need to think so muchie now.. ytd wateva he said to moi was so sweet... he lately treat moi abit cold ba.. i also not sure.. i veri sensetive de.. but i also neber say muchie coz now all these i had to go thru de.. e waiting is xin ku loh but its worth it coz i m sure e return of him will b hapi de... so i got to bear wif all these no matter wat n not abit also fa pi qi.. hubby i noe ya will read moi blog de.. hur hur hur.. i will try moi best de so mai wori kk.... muackzzz

Dis is e dfficult part.. i hate it when jiemei cum n tell moi thingy abt sweetie n him.. zzZzz.. but i noe she wants to let moi noe wats going on..she ask moi alotz of questions i cant ans at all.. i dont noe how to ans her...unless i haf proof to her ans.. i also dont noe how to say wor.. somethingy is wrong wif him... y i trust dat person he always lie wor.. y??? i start to find him scary but i guess jiemei is more scary.. wat she predict it all came out to b e truth.. omg.. n every little bit dat she say its like all beginning to happen.. n b4 she end e conversation wif moi to tok to hubby she said dat its not e end... duhz... she seems to noe some thingy i dont.. wat izzit?? her 6 senses r stronger den moi.. n wat she predict is so true........... y he want to b wif sweetie??? wat he want from her?? y??? y go lead e small gal on n hurt her??? she said they were 2gether?? i beginning to believe wat everyone say.. irc sux.. sux to e maxxxxxxx..no one can b trusted at all.. i trusted him time n time.. y?? i keep thinking n asking moi all e questions dat jiemei ask but i cant find any ans at all.. i @@ e small ger getting hurt n @@ sweetie soon her happiness will not last n get hurt.. mayb as moi say he juz like e feeling of being love in irc but in real life?? do they reali meet n everything??? is it true?? i haf so many questions popping in moi mind... ke lianz de xiao mei mei.. i juz hope she dont put in anymore feelings for such a guy le...i believe in retribution.. as wat jiemei say wat he do now he will haf retribution de.. i believe coz i had mine dats y now i treasure everythingy dat i haf... friends dont need alotz de those trust worthy r e one dat shld treasure coz i treasure so many n wat i get in e end.. lolxxx.. moi always say i @@ thru friends but at times i cant help not to leave them aside.. but jiemei always warn n make moi think.. >.<

Sheng called again.. zzZzz.. i picked up e fone dis time.. coz i cant stand e missed calls dat je gif.. he said he was sori n dat he didnt mean to b so rush in dis n ask moi gif him a chance to proof himself dat he can let moi accept him... i hurt him again.. lol once more...i told him dont waste time on moi.. waste it on other gals.. actually i wonder if jenny like sheng.. she keep asking mo i mai hurt him.. when she noe abt moi n him she was kind of upset.. duhz..i hope not.. coz among us i always pop wif guys i also dont noe y??they find moi veri direct n fun to b loh?? or wats wrong??i not many gal friends also.. Sheng is jenny de friend they noe each other longer den now like dat.. haiz..i juz hope dis will not affect our friendship ba... as for Sheng i juz tell him dont waste time le.. go find others ba... hope he can understand... haiz.. he ask for moi address.. i also neber gif..say want to send thingy.. send si mi lah can meet de loh...bth him.. I guess i stop here le.. so slpy n tired.. hope tonitez will not b another weird feelings day.. keke..

FaKe And Lies~!

2004-08-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

Wed le didnt go for wk coz today bo wk... stupid moi go wk lucky halfway i call moi colleague ask her meet where den she say today bo wk.. -.-!! forget liao.. lolx.. den came hm.. got up so earli den no wk.. wau lau i slpt at 4am loh... kns..

Hate it when jie mei tell moi thingy always say out n make moi feel so disappointed.. zzzzzz.. today topic moi also dont noe wat to say.. i like to read ppl's de blog.. y? coz i feel dat reading it can make moi feel n noe wat they thinking n get to noe them betta ba...i veri disappointed wit some ppl.. i think everyday life is like dat ba.. fake ppl everywhere n lies everywhere.. who dont lie rite.. lolx.. but e lies i noe was such disappointed coz i trusted them n i feel so muchie disappointed... read sweetie blog... i hapi for her yet worri.. will she b hapi? how long can her happiness last? will it last??i read her blog n get to noe her betta she is a veri emotional gal.. easily to cry she is not as strong as many ppl ... for moi at least betta juz dat i cant take stress n at times will juz cry ba... coz too stress le..does e guy reali love her?? or izzit all a fake??? all e while wat he told moi was all a fake.. i veri disappointed coz all e while i dote him e most ba.. coz we two too alike le... in many ways... dats make us so close ba... as wat sweetie said we used to haf some misunderstanding i was glad dat she understand how i feel abt her.. i care coz she is a friend i dont want all moi friends to go thru wat i had gonez thru in relationship ba... e hurt is so unbearable.. even now i sometimes feel hurt too..

i beginning to 4get e past dat i had... e past wif him alreadi.. slowly i neber think of him anymore at all... i owri for sweetie dat her happiness can not last long... afraid she might get hurt... hope e happiness dat she had now she will consider properly ba... e short term of happiness can lead to a hurt dat may b a scar in ya life 4eva juz like me...i also wori for jiemei.. when i tell her dat i dont care dat one ya prob lah... but actually i do.. i wori she may go hurt baobei.. also worry dat jiemei may regret wat she will do n lose a friend but i noe she haf her ways de... everyone has their passsese but i guess jiemei also haf went thru alotz...it snot easy to pick ourselves up can sweetie do dat.. if she reali fall down will she b able to pull up again????jiemei always i dote on e wrong person... when e disappoinment cum den i noe how e feeling was...

Sheng call again... i cant take it anymore n told him off.. i neber regret doing dat but feel guilty after all... he too was shock by wat i say.. mayb dis time i too direct le... i hurt him once again n i think i hurt him reali hard dis time... i too harsh to him le.. i noe e love dat he gave moi was veri strong.. he can provide moi wif everythingy... love, money,wateva but was dat wat i want... mayb as i say i m a bitch ba... lolxxx i juz odnt haf e chemistry wif him.. i like him but as a friend coz he reali veri sweet.. when i m down he is there for moi ba.. but i didnt noe wat i didi dat coz him to like me.. i reali dont noe.. he always say i m special den any other gals he met... mayb ba...but i guess dis time i reali hurt him...Jenny called n ask me wat happened i told her.. she say i reali hurt him dis time... i cant love a man who love me more.. i want a man who i love him more n can gif up everythingy for him.. dats wat i m doing for hubby.. i told jenny help moi tok to him ba.. i hope sheng will b betta after e tok wif jenny.. even we cant b couple we can stay as eva lasting friends...i noe he put in alotz for me.. he gave up his ex for me also.. but e chemistry ios not there.. juz not there.. i cant bear to hurt him if i 2gether wif him... i haf been hurt many times n haf also hurt many guys b4.... but i guess e last hurt was wif moi 6yrs ba... dat hurt is like a scar in me... dat will neber go away... wat i had wif him is all gonez le... pics,pressie, everythingy i threw it away e onli thingy which till now i neber gave him backie was baby... i cant afford to lose baby.. baby alreadi is part of me... howeva dis did not make me think of him...it made me hate him more.. y??? y so long le i still hate him???? y???? i reali hate him e way he treated moi all these yrs...it is alreadi 1/2yr le.. i still hate him...e scar juz wont go away....

i hope hubby can help moi to take e scar away...i noe lately i kind of reli on him too muchie also dont noe y.. lol.. but i was afraid we might drift apart. but he assured moi n say we shld haf faith n trust.. i starting to haf n cooling off... so dat not to pressure moi self in dis relationship n not to stress him too..we still haf out own life after all... i trying to study hard now.. left 2sub onli.. must study hard.. if not got to reperat e whole modeule.. =.= still got a stupid project cuming up.. bth...studied in e noon den fell aslp...den e worst part is i had a bad dream.. woke up wif a shock.. i didnt even noe wat e dreamz was abt but i noe its real life.. will it happen??? i cant recall at all.. wats wrong.. i now feel worried.. will it reali happened??? i hope not,...he said he noe i need his concern n care n he wants to b e one... i noe he will but sometimes i feel coldness in him.. i dont noe y?? mayb i think too muchie le... juz need time ba....i hope he noe how i feel at times ba... well think i end here...

tml wk le den write ba.....

Sianz Of All these MisundeRstanding

2004-08-24T15:16:00.000-07:00

Tuesdayyyyyyyyyy n i m backie to wk... mon was NDP..... no wk long wkend lolx.. but didnt reali enjoy moiself at all ba... dont noe y also.. life sux n begin to get bored lately.... never reali write moi blog for e last few days didnt haf e mood.. dont noe y.. comp lag ba.. so today at office decided to write loh...

Saturday: stayed at hm e whole day until nitez came... meet jiemei, kelvin n rovin.. they decided to go kopi diam n sit n chat n drink..zzzz took diner there they were eating crabs... zzzz i CANT EAT LOH.. wau lau.. bo bianz i mai tio rashes.. haiz... den we drank beer... i guess both rovin n kelvin were like in bad mood ba... coz they wanted to drink their hearts out so was jiemei.. she juz wanted to drink dats all.. for moi arh.. i also not sure.. e day was long had a quarrel wif someone b4 moi came out.. pisssed off .. trying to tok to him nicely den i tio ganz for no reason all bcoz of kor... i hate to bother abt ppl's thingy lately.. coz i find irc is so lame n sux... he was not in e mood n was screaming at moi .. i was so pissed off.. wat did i do,, ya cum n approach moi de loh.. den scold moi.. i tok to kor kor also gif moi e farking attitude... liew.. i dont own anyone anythingy loh.. mayb e drinking for moi was like to forget wat had reali happened.. didnt want to think n stress over it..after dat they change place.. liew drink somemore den rovin went to buy hard liquor.. i drunk abit wif him n e rest of e beer... left around 3am.. reach hm cant stand le.. on e spot koon.. think i was drunk ba.. woke up dis morning wif a headache... i dont reali noe wats bothering e two guys but juz hope they will b ok den for jiemei.. she old enough de lah.. she can handle de.. i m sure she is strong enough de...

Sunday: the whole day was like sux loh...woke up wif a bad headache must b from e frinks ytd... drunk too muchie le ba.. den today was like no mood.. quarrelled wif kor today or rather we argued today...he was telling moi to go reflect moiself.. nbz... i so pissed n told him off how cum ya not reflecting ya self at all.. y ppl dont cum straight to ya n tell ya instead ask moi to tell ya... zZZzz...he was like tyring to boss around as usual.. i getting sick n tired of his attitude.. pissed moi totally off.. still say abt moi n hubby say si mi dont gif face... he nbz.. wat has it go tto do wif hubby.. siao one...didnt want to say muchie wif him alreadi.. wat i want to say all say alreadi... i dont care he angwee or wat... i cant b bothered.... i did wat i ren so long liao.. reali burst out.. he also so old liao still dont not how to think.. guess he always stay behind e comp n do nothing.. neber reali go outside n wk dats y e thinking also neber use brain.. oops.. pardon me but dats how i feel.... dont he eva noe how to wk wif ppl.. bth....anyway he is a nice guy a times no matter how many ppl dont like him.. i can reali say he can lead e ppl.. but hor attitude... sux to e max... he dont even bother abt ppl feelings n onli care abt himself how he feel n wateva.. if i was not to ren dat day i think i all say sure make him bwg n blow up also... ppl noe i capable of doing dat de.. lolxxx angwee wif kor.. he reali too muchie.. so bianz xin..hmmpf~~dis is e more angwee part.. stupid guy pte moi n scold moi.. somemore none of moi prob.. zzZZz.. boi boi quarrel wif him also not moi prob.. i think hor his brain got somethingy wrong.. too muchie irc no life de...how can ppl juz irc n no life arh.. i reali wonder.. dont they haf friends in real life n other thingy to do.. reali bth.. somemore e siao charbo n him so fake.. wau lau i @@ alreadi also bth...here scold moi n dat siao charbo den after go buaya e siao charbo.. bth.. so fake...i hate fake ppl.. no wonder siao charbo is call a snake n worst two head de so scary... >.<~~if in real life i @@ her i sure run de.. lolxx somemore go tok behind moi backie... i also dont noe wats wrong wif her siao siao one.. i neber do anythingy to her also.. treat her juz n irc friend dont noe wat she go say abt moi.. DONT EVA LET MOI FIND OUT.. want to say say in front dont say behind.. zzzZZ if not I MAKE SURE SHE DIE IN A TERRIBLE DEATH.. lolxxxx even she herself also dont noe how she die.. hmmpf~~ she still dare to ask moi wat moi say to him..i show her e stupid log n tell her dat wateva it is pls dont cum bother moi anymore.. i make sure dat guy die scold moi.. i ren him 1day alreadi...still dare to scold today.. think i veri nice to bulli.. @@ ya nice or i nice... hmmpf~~u want to act mr nice guy go loh.. i also dont care.. anyway i always e bad person de wat... so its ok... i dont care ppl misunderstand me anymore coz i dont find a pt to go explain.. wat for.. if they think i like dat ok loh.. as long i noe i do thingy wif wen xin wu kui can le.. i dont care wat others think.. i neber treat any of moi friends bad at all.. all dat i haf done was how ya haf treated moi.. i said b4 dont eva step moi tail.. i will sure to bite ya backie n will not let go.... =.= tok to hubby e whole evening.. i called him n we chatted after dat he called moi backie.. we chat veri long n luff alotz... noe him alotz betta n i also hope he too...n hor we were saying abt e game to test one another... lolxxx he sure lose de.. haha.... dont care i must win if not veri chiam.. lolxxx...i told him some of moi passes n wat i haf done.. as wat jiemei say i change alotz ya i hope i did.. dont wanna care anymore.. sometimes i care too muchie for moi friends.. friends to moi is stil impt.. i dont noe y.. coz i lost b4 n i noe its so hard to get them backie.. dats y i want to care n concern but after so muchie haf happen... i guess no pt.. coz they wont appreciate at all.. so wat for... i learn to @@ wat r friends for as days by days.. i also make e wrong choice.. i care n concern for them.. abt angel i veri disappointed.. i scold her n treat n fierce most of e times coz she so innocent de.. always do e wrong thingy n attitude also sama sama lah...she is e type dat when ppl treat her gd she take for granted.. i treat her arh.. i mai b fierce towards her but at times i also treat her gd.... coz i find dat she still young n innocent... still haf not gonez thru alotz afraid she may do wrong thingy but guess i think too muchie le.. actually a lotz of times moi feelings alreadi tell moi wat she did behind moi backie i juz dont want to care n bother i ren.. now is like ren until i feel disappointed wif her... she so muchie to say act ke lianz.. nvm lah let her loh.. i m e bad person de lah.. lol...so its ok.. coz i dont care... i neber eva wanna care abt moi reputation in irc.. juz lame n stupid.... anyway e chat wif hubby was long n veri enjoyable....... i reali mish him alotz n e chat was so fun.. we luff n tok so muchie.. he say i fierce but dont wori lah i wont treat him fierce de.. coz he also noe when he will gif in to moi n i m sure he will.....

Monday: NDPPPPPPPPPP DAyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... woke up as usual.. ndp day but hubby still got sch.. zhen ke lianz...woke up e whole day helping spinx n studying.. i reali did study le coz bo bianz exam cuming...cannot flung again.. i scared liao...help out abit in spinx.. QT darling was like getting dis new post abit stress ba.. so i helped her abit but hor i also stress somemore not moi biz i scared lata tio ganz again.. si bei sianz de.. i lately dont noe they eat e wrong medicine or i their chu qi tong.. zzzZZzz always tio ganz...sibei suay... but i @@ QT darling like dat i also bu ren xin.. mayb in spinx besides hubby n jie i veri close wif Qt darling ba... at least we reali tok n can reali b gd friends loh..she n moi sometimes haf e same feelings n i noe she stress now coz i went thru le.. haha .. but hor toking to hubby n stevie n gossip 2gether reali can release stress so must ask QT darling to join us also... keke den can release more... although moi now is e leading of e HRO i also find it like nothing.. i juz do moi job n tell them wat to do can liao.. no need to stress at all.. i also mai care.. lolxxx.... at least now e staffs r doing thingy n they r doing well so can lah.. no need to bother.. i starting to try to relac moi self le.. dats y i also helping QT darling to mai stress.. keke dont want her to end up like moi... sibei stress de...hur hur hur...

Was chatting wif hubby den jiemei call n say meet to go out le...~~>.<~~ I MAI GO OUTTTTTTTTTTTT...-.-!! coz was watching NDP wif hubby den hor must go prepare n go out abit of bu she de.. haiz.. bo bianz...promise her to go out but hor another reason she wif moi baobei le.. zzZZzz i not jealous lah but hor i like one lightbulb.. ***** sibei de bright loh.. =.= but hor mai go also cannot.. she bo force moi lah i WILLINGLY go de.. duhz... hope she bo @@ lolxxx..we went to take diner at food court den after dat went to can cafe.. long time bo @@ fenz fenz le but she bo cum wanted to watch movie no show to watch.. haha i sibei hapi bo show to watch.. wau lau i go watch wif 2 couples loh.. i machiam like light bulb.. zzZZzz.. i noe jiemei wont ignore moi de but hor still feel so uneasy...in e end fenz fenz bo cum also gd lah arbo i so extra.. >.<""den e 3 of us chat.. they 2 veri bad de le.. liew keep disturbing moi abt hubby.. i guess baobei was also worry abt moi abt e long relationship ba.. i guess so.. but i brush away all e thoughts for e last few wks n feel dat there is no need to think muchie ba... take it step by step.. thingy will sure to wk out de... but i also feel kind of uneasy.. jiemei n baobei.. veri weird le.. not bcoz i jealous lah.. i wont de.. lolx.. but hor i also dont noe wat moi baobei is thinking.. y of all e ppl he chose jiemei.. how cum? they dont reali noe each other dat well it was jiemei's bday ba dat baobei n her got so well... weird i guess.. or baobei reali got feelings for her???i veri worry coz he n his ex alreadi like dat he cant 4get if jiemei cant accept him how? wat will happen to him? i mai bcoz of a friend lost another friend but i m sure they 2 noe wat they do ba... i not reali worry abt jiemei or worry dat she may hurt him.. coz i noe jie mei do thingy veri careful de.. they both r juz a trial no commitment yet ba..howeva i also wonder y jiemei will agree... jiemei is someone a guy not dat easy to touch her heart de wor...so i wonder y she agree.. but juz hope both also wont get hurt ba.. they two were keep teasing moi abt hubby.. =.= liew regret cuming to meet them i stay at hm betta kns.. mish hubby alotz @@ them although i feel uneasy but they were still a couple in terms ba..

as for moi e waiting was reali veri terrible...i feel so upset at times dat he not here for moi mayb physically ba.. coz he not around....juz hope his return can b soon.... i was like counting e days.. his bday, xmas, new yr of 2005 den soon his return.. hope time juz pass as fast as possible.. coz i feel so unbearable abt e waiting.. jiemei was asking moi.. if now a guy pop up, yandao,rich,caring n love moi.. wld i choose.. i was thinking reali hard.. but moi ans was kind of firm also.. nope.. coz i feel dat hubby was worth e waiting den any other guys i haf met.. he is special.. veri special.. n he was e one dat i feel is worth waiting....they all worry dat i will get hurt.. i also worry at times.. but i still haf a strong trust in hubby no matter wat.. >.<

Today at wk was like e same normal.. nothing muchie.. sit here do blog.. waiting for time to pass to go hm... haha.. today hubby got test.. hope he will do well..today dat guy came to mgs moi again.. zzZzz.. he told moi how he feel abt moi n dat he dont want to lost moi coz he find moi special.. wats so special i also gal wat.. liew.. nothing special de mah... haiz..i rejected him again.. i feel kind of bad.. he is a nice guy.. caring, understanding,fun loving.. i noe he treat moi veri well.. its like we noe for quite some times le...i noe he interested in moi if no the wont b asking moi out n all these n treat moi so gd.. but i dont haf e feelings for him wor...i treat him like moi gd friendso didnt want to spoil e friendship.. as usual i told him i alreadi haf someone in moi mind i m sorry.. he sound upset.. cant help to feel sorry for him.. he haf e look n is a guy which most gals will like also.. he also haf lotz of suitors wor.. but y he dont want them??? he ask moi to try it out since e guy i like not yet backie.. i was like sorry i cant do it.. its like betraying him loh.. i dont like n cant gif ya e chance.. we stay as friends wld b betta... he say he will not gif up.. wau lau.. fan le.. sheng also another guy everyday fan moi.. say y i trat him cold cold.. ben also like dat.. cant they juz gif moi a break.. tell them le still dont understand.. i want to feng liao.. >.LUnchie time soon,, lata go meet jiemei.. so hungwee now.. lol... blog tml le.. keke

iTs sO strESSFuL

2004-08-23T10:15:00.000-07:00

Lately thingy haf not been going well... haiz.. i keep throwing temper.. stress ba...worry abt moi results...alotz of thinking to do ba... haha i lately also stress hubby .. pengz.. i hor lately so dependent on him.. bth...got to change backie to moi last time b independent.. hmmpf~~ cannot always like dat.. hur hur hur.. well i need to change backie to moiself.. i always think abt how moi feel neber reali put moiself in his shoes.. keke its time dat i start doing dat ba... hmmm.. today feel betta le.. at least not so stress up.. as wat hubby say as long i m sure i did well shld b ok de.. hope so ba...hope he also understand keke.....

Worry abt jiemei n baobei but now seems no need to worry le.. they decided to stay as friends.. haha feel muchie betta.. at least jiemei now can rest in her thinking no need to think so muchie..i also not muchie worry abt her le.. as for baobei.. well e hurt for him is short ba.. hope he also let time heal ba...

Found out a secret ytd.. lolx dis is a surprise to moi.. neber expected de.. pengz...Didnt reali noe pepper dat well.. call each other lover.. haha until nic told me he was moi friend stead.. =X we chatted wif each other.. pepper tell me alotz of thingy n we decided to keep it a secret..as i promise her.. i will.. no wonder she so afraid ppl noe who she is .. haiz if her finance moi friend eva noe sure to kill her de.. pengz...she veri ke lianz le.. haiz she tell me so muchie wat moi friend did to her.. actually i also hear from his side lah.. but hor i find moi friend so kong bu.. =.= haiz ke lianz de pepper... we now kind of close ba.. juz keep it dat way.. keke no harm making a friend.. moi onli tell her look on e brighter.. hope she will b ok.. she also veri ke ai knew dat i noe who she is dat time she so scared n shock.. i more scared n shock.. lolx scared she lata misunderstand moi n her finance.. we onli gd friends.. keke but we also got chat n she ok wif it.. lucky.. e world is so small.. lolx

Well as i say i will end e story today..

E final yr of life wif Vin was so terrible.. Sunflower cld not take it anymore.. he often threw temper at her n even hit her.. she got sick n tired of dis.. she feel dat e love for him was fading...

As usual he called Sunflower.. she was slping.. she picked up e call n was not sure who e caller was n thought it was her friend.. Vin asked her 3times until finally she got e ans.. he was so angwee.. e onli thingy he said was.. wait for me at hm.. i cuming now...n he hang up.. Within 15mins he reach her house n bursting wif fire.. who e hell is dat guy.. Sunflower was shock.. She was trying hard to explain to Vin dat it was her classmates but Vin was alreadi bursting wif fire.. Sunflower felt dat at dis moment she keep quiet n didnt wanted to explain coz e more she explain e more he will b angwee..She felt dat there was nothing more to say.. Vin was so angwee n wanted to push her but he juz walked out of e door n left..Izzit e end of our relationship??? Sunflower was wondering but no tears at all all she cld feel was a sigh of relief..

She thought it was all over.. Sunflower did not dare to go hm.. her parents were stressing her abt their relationship.. e sudden break...She dont noe how to face them.. 2days lata Vin n his parents went to look for Sunflower's parents.. they had a gd tok..n saying dat they cld gif Sunflower anythingy.. house, money wateva she wants if they r backie together...but dat was not wat she wants at all..She avoided going home until b4 xmas 2days...She spoke to her mum n said dat there was no hope.. tears start to drop...after so many days dat she finally cry.... she feel dat e relationship was no where to b saved it was all over.. Her parents understood wat she was going thru n let her made her own decisions...Relatives came to make her change her mind but she made her decision final....

Vin didnt want to gif up.. he tried means n ways to get Sunflower backie but she juz avoid n tell him sorry.. in e end he email her.. wat a surprise.. saying although u haf made e decision i cant change it.. but rite here in my heart there is still a place for ya.. no matter wat no one can replace ya in my heart.. i cannot b sure to find another ya.. but i m willingly to wait for e return of ya...All i ask was for ya forgivness....
After reading dis... tears start to drop.. Sunflower juz cld not control anymore.. all these 6yrs its all over... finally all over..She started to think backie... for e final yr he was reali trying veri hard.. all e while he neber bought her any flowers n in her 6yrs of 2gether dis was e yr dat she receive from him... he was trying to make it up... but her heart had fade.. e love for him was no longer there....But she too noe dat no one can eva replace him in her heart..she let him go tolet him find a gal dats worth hsi love.. n she herself wanted to find someone who she love n not he love her more...she replied his email saying sorry... dat was al she cld say..

Slowly she learn to pick herself up.. for e next few mths she was trying to get used to life without another party.. She tried to keep herself occupy....she tried not to think.. at times he will call her.. juz normal chat.. nothing le..she is afraid to fall in love... until.. she knew dis guy for abt a mth.. he was nice n sweet.. she started to depend on him but was afraid of his return dat thingy will b diff... but her heart for him was there.. neber change... she decided to wait for his return.. at times she mai haf quarrel wif him coz he so far apart yet e return of him was all she wanted.. she cld yet @@ e future wif him but yet e waiing for terrible but lovely... she knew his return wld b diff... all she hope for was his return.....

Alone sitting in e dark as day breaks away
e candles slowly dying away
n i realize i will b left alone
u r light of my life
n u r slowly burning out
i want to remember e gd times
but they were forgotten long ago
so now i sit alone in e dark lonely & depressed

Well here i finally end moi story... haha not veri interesting ba.. sound boring hor.. well wateva it is me or who.. i juz hope to treasure e one ya haf now n mai regret lata....well i blog tml again.. today story end here le.. finally so many days keke write finish liao... =p

SaddIsT

2004-08-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

A day of work.. today veri upset i can say..thingy reali not going well wif moi n hubby.. dont noe y like dat.. i too pushy le.. as wat he say we not out to anywhere wif moi like dat.. haiz..i dont want to call it off yet.. coz i still love him.. well i told him straight le we keep it dat way till he cums backie..mayb like dat at least will b betta.. i trying my best to brush all e thoughts so dat i can haf ful trust n confidence to moi self.. yesh i veri sad.. sad dat he said all those harsh words lately but i guess we still need out life...

DEEP DOWN

look at me inside out

tell me wat you see

u say i'm beautiful

but do u noe e real me?

haf u seen my heart

its torn open wif shame a face of glory

cum wif a heart full of pain

Ron n i veri close lately... we tok abt alotz of things.. a nice guy i can say.. he reali make me feel alotz betta taught me wat to do.. he make me feel e wat all e while i haf been thinking.. he ans all e questions for me.. at least now i feel so muchie betta.. sadness is there but e return of him will reali not make me wonder anymore.. we r far apart.. understanding is wat we need.. at times no communication does not mean he dont care or wat its juz e thoughts dat cum.. i start to think dat for e pass two days till today den i has all e while onli been thinking of moiself.. so selfish... i wld start to think for his sake also coz i dont want bcoz of me dat make us like dat...

Pepper tok to moi ytd.. i find her veri weird like wat nic tell me.. funi.. y she so approach me le???of all e ppl?? hmmm i always think on e bad side.. well i hope she mean no harm at all..i haf been having ppl stalking me nowadays... pengz.. find it veri weird.. dont noe y also?? anyway i also neber say muchie to her.. coz dont like to get involve onli want to listen dats all.. noe too muchie also no gd...

Jiemei arh jiemei u hor hapi now lah.. i also hapi for ya glad dat ya wishes cum true...for me arh haiz as ya say le loh.. i also dont noe wat to do.. pass everyday ba.. till his return den decide.. keke Baobei there arh no need ot worry keke.. he hor old enough to think de lah.. keke.. no need to bother muchie de lah.. i also bo repli his sms ma fan.. but hor i feel bad also... he so sad den i mai care him.. duhz..i also bad de lah.. but bo bianz i dont noe wat to say to make him feel betta so let him sad ba lata he will b ok de.. juz like b sad now but his return will b happiness ba.. i reali hope so..jiemei i noe ya worry for me.. i ok de lah.. sad den cry loh.. wat to do.. haha... at least cry le muchie betta de..i think hori cope at hm too muchie le lah.. after dis sat.. die also go club... dont care liao.. u go jio ppl lah.. i lazy ...

Valve bday ytd.. keke he arh finally 21 leeeeeeeeeeeeee.. got license leeeeeeee.. lolx.. called him ytd.. hur hur hur.. wished him n he was asking if i going down.. sad to say i say no wor den he also upset.. haiz feel so bad.. y nowadays ppl like to make me feel bad arh.. tao yan.. not i mai go lah is bo bianz mah.. hope he understand... heard dat papa got go.. haha .. he sure si deng de.. ke lianz wonder he got drunk bo... lolx. lata go hm ask him... wahahhaha..

Alex was saying i hor like weather forcast.. na ma.. dis min sunny.. next min rainy.. kns.. got like dat mah.. lolz.. i also not sure wor...>.<>

JUZ A STORY

My husband was an engineer. Since I met him, he was alwaz an unflappable rock in my life. I knew he alwaz had his feet firmly planted on e ground, n it seemed dat no matter wat else went crazy, he wld b e one constant. 3 yrs of romance, n 2 yrs of marriage lata, I got tired.

He was e most unromantic man I noe. He nv bought me flowers, he nv surprised me, n nothing changed in our marriage. After some time, I finally found e courage to tell him dat I wanted to leave him. He juz sat there, speechless. My heart froze... wat kind of man was I married to dat didnt even noe wat to say to make me stay? After a while, he spoke, "Wat can I do to change ur mind?". "I will stay if u can gif me a gd ans to dis question," I replied coldly. "If I asked for a flower dat grew on a cliff n u knew dat getting it for me means certain death, wld u get it for me?" His face grew troubled "Can I gif u an ans tml morning?" he asked. Hearing dat kind of ans, my heart died. I knew dat I cld nv b hapi wif a man who cldn't even gif me an ans straight away.

e next morning, when I woke up, he was missing. In e living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note. My eyes grew misty as I read it... "Dear, I haf my ans. I will nv pick e flower for u if it meant certain death. But b4 u leave, I hope u can gif me a chance to gif u my reasons.... u will alwaz sit in front of e comp n type abt for e whole day, but every time u will end up in tears coz ur formatting will alwaz go all over e place... I need my fingers, to do e formatting for u, so ur tears will become smiles. u like to travel, but wld alwaz get lost... I need my eyes, so dat I can bring u to e nicest places on earth. Every time u leave e house, u wld alwaz 4get ur keys... I need my legs, so dat I can run hm to open e door for u. u nv knew how to take care of urself... I need my hands to help u get rid of e pesky white hair u hate so much when u grow old, to trim ur nails, to feed u. So u c, dat's y I can't pick e flower for u. Until I find someone who loves u more den I do, I will need my body to take care of u. If u accept my reasons, den open e door, where I will be waiting wif ur fav muffin."

Wif tears streaming from my eyes, I opened e door, n there he stood, wif a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but juz stood there waving e pkt he had in his hand in front of me. N den I knew for a fact dat I will nv find another man who will ever love me as much as he does. Just bcoz someone doesn't love u e way u want them to doesn't mean dat they dont love u wif all they haf.......

After reading dis i noe love need not to b said all e time.. well to ppl out there even they dont tell ya how muchie they love ya but i guess in their heart they reali do...

end moi blog here le.. tml den continue ba...

StrEsSiNg

2004-08-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

Juz haf e mood today to reali write... ytd morning finally had moi exam.. kind of stress in e morning but after e test thingy were backie to normal... i guess..

Lately i kind of hapi.. keke thanx to Qt darling... she intro moi skype... well at least now i can tok to hubby so dat less misunderstanding... i told him how moi felt dat day.. he was trying to tell me dat he was not angwee.. mayb e way he express n e way i read it make e misunderstanding ba... hur hur hur.. but anyway we cleared it.. we conference wif e others ytd too.. but i find dat i was e quiet one among them.. mayb bcoz of moi mic ba.. got to go get a new mic... zzZZzz dont feel like asking from boi boi backie.. ..guess i will get e mic at e end of e mth ba... sometimes i juz dont noe wat to tok to them.. juz dont cook ba... .. anyway we chatted awhile den SerialX pte moi.. lol asking moi abt moi mic n everythingy disturbing me.. bth.. ytd also some stupid ppl in dalnet so weird de ask moi b his gf.. =.= keep ask stupid question siao one.. i also bo care him.. still threathen moi.. diao loh.. crazy ppl.. but also a challenger to me.. haha coz in e end i won by toking to him he bth.. n left.. ..all of them keep suaning me abt moi n hubby.. ytd i was blushing... duhz.. moi cousin also ask how cum moi face so red.. diao loh.. den hubby even tell them dat he wanted to call me n we hang up.. i was hapi indeed.. but also pai seh mah... tao yan..duhz.. although he wanted to slp i was kind of disappointed coz we didnt reali tok howeva its betta dat way.. at least make me mish him more.. keke...

I lately knew dat alotz of ppl haf been reading moi blog n i dont feel like letting too many ppl noe le.. well keep it a secret betta.. onli a few of moi close friends noe can liao.. like wat moi airen tell me.. take dis as ya diary express ya happiness n sadness here.. ya coz i at times dont noe who to tok to or wat i want to say to others abt moi prob.. juz feel like keeping it to moiself ba.. at least i write here.. i feel betta...

I knew dis guy who told me ytd dat he like me.. hmmm.. he is a nice guy,hardwking..... but hor he also smk too muchie le lah.. haiz.. hope he dont keep thinking abt his past n dat every thingy will b all rite...e story of Dolls was intro by him.. well he told me ytd he hope to b e one who gif me e dolls.. i didnt want to gif him anythingy or promises.. coz he is indeed a nice friend...caring n i dont want to lose a friend.. i juz want to noe him betta dats all... understand him n hope i can help him to 4get e past as a friend ba... i dont think now anyone can replace e person in moi heart coz hubby to me reali is veri impt now.. i hope he understand too.. as i say i dont want to end up like e leaf.. i want e ending to b waiting for e return of tree coz wind yet to blow me away n i noe for e time being it wont.... coz e love for tree is veri strong...

Well i will continue e story of Sunflower n Vin....

Soon Vin finished army n started to wk.. Sunflower was still pursing her studies n she wanted to b independent so she decided to teach tution at e same time...Vin started to wk at his father's office..his wking hrs were not fixed.. at times he can wk till 2 or 3am.. but sunflower was understanding.. when he was not around she was busy studying,teaching tution n hanging out wif friends...At times Vin wld still send her off from sch or even send her to teach tution in e morning... but e feelings was diff le...He change to b unreasonable.. At times when sunflower didnt want to meet he wld b angwee...When she wanted to meet him he was busy wif his wk.. Sunflower feel veri stress.. At times he wld call her n tell her dat he wld b taking her out for diner.. wifout fail Sunflower wld wait.. wait.. wait.. n by den he wld call at 2 or 3am to tell her to get ready... By den its either she alreadi haf gastric pain or she wld haf fallen aslp.. They quarrelled over dis issue time n time.. All sunflower wanted was if he cld not make it at least gif her a call... n she cld juz take her diner herself n meet up lata.. But he dont seems to understand her at all.. All he cared was for himself... He once saw her chatting happily wif her classmates who is a guy friend.. as her classes edn at 10pm n Vin was not here yet so e classmate decided to acc her to wait.. When Vin came n she got in e car.. He was angwee.. bcoz of her toking to e guy... Sunflower felt dat she was being put in a cage like a bird there was no freedom.. all he wanted was to control her from going out to meet her friends...controlling her life.. everythingy...

She started to get pissed.. at times she wld meet her friends at her house downstairs to chat.. Once he even saw n got pissed n told her off n even tell her friends not to meet her anymore.. Her friends were afraid of him.. Sunflower was so lonely ... She started to lie.. lie abt where she go n refuse to let him fetch her hm or wateva.. She started to skip classes coz she find it so bored... She cant haf e freedom dat she wants.. She juz need a space of her own dats all.. but he was unable to gif her juz dat bit... She must report every now n den of where she was? wat she was doing? He wld even at times call to check on her.. she felt tired coz she has been doing dat since e day he was in his army till e next 2yrs....

She was so tired dat when he call she at times dont even feel like picking up but he will bomb her fone by calling n calling.. She felt so scary.. the cage was like locked there n e key was thrown away.. There was no way she cld free herself at all...

Well i will stop here today... guess i wont b writing for e next few days.. keke... wait till mon den i continue e story ba..i will b telling ya ppl how she finally bear e final yr of her life wif him n how she let him go... a decision which was so hard for her...

to be continued...............

StreeeSSssss!!!!!!!!

2004-08-19T14:34:00.000-07:00

Finally reach thursday le.... a day which near to e end of e wk... i neber thought muchie wat to do for e wkend....jiemei was thinking of clubbing n moi was thinking of chilling out actually... i dont reali haf e mood to club... wonder wat happen to moi.. lately i veri stress.. WAT M I STRESSING????? i cant find e ans to moi own questions.. lolxxx so silly..... WAT IS REALI WRONG WIF MOI LATELY???? i also dont noe......

Boi Boi: we tok ytd awhile onli i told him to read moi blog n he will understand wat i was thinking n y i didnt reali tok to him... he read n told moi he did tok to her but was not dat muchie n dat he alreadi haf a gf........... at times i dont reali noe wat he is thinking.. he was telling moi he wont accept e new gal den now he accept.. i start to reliease dat i dont reali understand him dat well after all.. but wateva it is e case as long as he is hapi den ok le loh... hope he dont go break dat gal heart ba.... all dat is done cannot b undone hope he noe dis term.. betta think twice b4 doing anythingy ba......

A close friend of mine: A guy getting old n alreadi married yet e divorce was still clinging on was wif a gd friend of mine.. they 2gether for cuming up to 1/2yr le ba..... wat can moi say wor.... hapi for them.. as e term say age doesnt reali matters as long love n thingy dat e guy can gif to her i think its enough.. but lately she upset.. e guy not treating her gd.. but as we tok ytd she said he is backie to his own self chatting n treating her gd again... i kind of wori for her.. will dis last?? will she b hapi for dat short period of time n get sad again??? i wori... y? i haf gone thru alotz in relationship n i dont want her to end up wif nothing...coz i m sure moi self dat she is unable to climb backie.. i m sure she cant climb up even for e short period of 1/2yr can she climb herself up.. i tried veir hard to climb up n walk dis far.. so i m afriad dati mai fall again.. wil i b able to climb up again after dis fall.. yet to noe.... i dont want her to end up like moi.. e heartpain memories.. mayb for her now she break le may feel e pain but its a short term onli.... haiz... she is a nice gal.. sweet, caring, understanding, a friend indeed too.. i dont want her to stick to a guy which there will b no outcum at all.. he cant gif her anythingy... he yet to leave his wife n haf a child.. wat can he gif to her.. love n care i dont thing he is gifing her muchie at all.....i feel dat when he need her he go look for her when he dont fark care her ba...she is a easy going gal... she may not b veri chio but she has her gd pts which attract guys too...she say she dont want to think so muchie now.. she juz love e time n everythingy wif him.. she does not bear to let go...she was afriad is so will she regret.. but haf she thought if she dont will she regret lata.. mayb she still young ba dont reali noe how to think yet.. love n care n all these r not reali in a relationship at all... =p when she said abt moi relationship wif hubby saying dat i was willing to wait.. we r in two diff situation in a sense dat we dont take each other for granted.. myab i love hubby more den he love moi but i noe thingy sure will wk out i wait coz i noe he will... he is not able to gif moi anythingy yet ba but dats not wat i need at least i can help moiself.. but for her can she... she cant even help herself at all...moi not saying dat she is wrong she maihaf her pts too.. keke.. she dont need all those thingy dat her bf can gif her all she wants is he can shower her wif love n concern ba.. mayb for her age dat young she onli want e love n concern n not wat e guy can gif her ba....who dont want wor.. i also want wat.. at times i feel dat hubby also treat moi wif all these but e comunication wise loh.. moi feel dat they not having much of a communication at all....well.. hope she wont b sad anymore n dat her bf will reali love n dote on her... =)

Spinx: Ytd was a veri tiring day.... QT was hosting as promise i wld b hm to support... i left rite after wk to tune in... kind of tired from e day wk.. stress ba.. i guess.... smicer was e 1st to host.. d@r approach moi n said dat spinx-ad was not around they needed some help.. i was damn tired n wanted to nua n rest coz smicer was hosting n i felt dat he haf a lotz of listeners i dont think he need muchie help ba... since d@r was around to help out..so i told her sorry i veri tired... but cant help feeling guilty coz no one was around n i was like leaving d@r to do all e job.. so in e end i helped out in e main... making ppl tok n asking ppl to call in.. smicer was having e call in dedication.. lolx i called in too.. hur hur hur.. n tio suan.. ZZZZzzzzZZZ.. suaning moi.. bth... but i enjoyed e conversation wif him n entertaining e rest of e chatters n listeners in spinx... next QT was hostinggggggg.. hur hur hur.. i was alreadi too tired but still listen to her host.. as usual d@r went to study so no one was around to help i was left alone to do all e job.. as usual trying to maintain e ##.. lucky some of e sj helped moi up.. if not moi also dont noe how to cope... so stressful... i wanted to stay up all e way coz hubby wld b hosting lata.. it was abt 10.25pm... duhz hubby haben wake up.. die.. i tried to call him.. no one picked e fone up.. chiam... i told QT dat hubby cant wake up... [S]ynn took over n followed by Qing which they decided.. luckily got ppl take over.. guess moi job is done since hubby not hosting i was also damn tired so decided to log out n slp.... den kor came in n ask wats wrong n everythingy.. den he was saying "WATS R E HRO DOING" not again.. i so farking tired n he was like saying we not doing anythingy again.. i was so pissed off.. y? coz dis is not e 1st time he said dat.. i guess i was harsh on him but i reali ren veri long le.. its like i do thingy den he say bo... e type of feeling was like neber been appreciated at all... i told him off.. telling him how i felt... didnt haf e mood to pte him n tell him moi juz said out everythingy in e main of e office...i was e onli one there wif no one to help... e stupid hro got so many.. d@r n boi boi n jumpman got exam so not around to help out.. cozy was as usual playing mia.. wth... den applegal was busy i guess wif wk ba.. den no one was around n i was like trying so hard to keep awake n help.... in e end i get scolding when e rest of e hro not around.... zzzzzzzz.. i was like going to break down any time... after telling him how i felt n telling him wat i did.. all dat moi do is not for moiself wor.. its for spinx n i tried le... dats all moi can say... den i log off... i think kor also surprise ba.. coz dis is e 1st time i reali threw moi temper at him... haiz...i told hubby how moi felt... he was aslp i juz left a mgs n went to bed.. cant help e tears rolling.. i veri tired veri veri tired......i also dont noe when i fell aslp....

Midnite: i think it was around 12plus when hubby sms moi n told moi he overslpt n dat he tok to kor abt e thingy.. i also forgot wat i replied.. too tired to say anythingy ba..... wat is done alreadi done.. scold also scold le.. suan le... dats all moi can say.. no pt arguing... i juz need time ba.. den hubby was telling moi pat came backie le he will take ober.. aiya not muchie of a diff lah... i also cant b bothered.. i haf been stress.. friends haf been alotz of disappointed for e past few mths but moi @@ thru all. each n everyone dat moi noe.. lolx i @@ thru all of ya alreadi n so was like numb le.. relationship i hafing stress n i dont noe wats bothering but i trying to brush away all e troubles so dat thingy may wk out.. i dont want to keep thinking wat others say s abt moi n hubby as long we now hapi can le.. lata when he backie den decide ba....i cant keep stressing moi self anymore if not i reali will go feng de..

arghhhhhhhhhhhh.............................i guess all moi need now is to relac moiself ba.. i cant take it anymoreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............................................................. i need to cool moi self reali need tooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...................................... its definitely killinggggggggggggg moiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...................................................... ~~>.<~~

missSssserY its killing moiiiiiiii

2004-08-18T02:25:00.000-07:00

Today not in a veri stable mood ba... but trying to act as stable as possible..... having a hard time lately....ytd met up wif jiemei.. didnt want to meet as was having stomache cramp.. but as promise to meet her up..tok to her abt some thingy.. found alotz of thingy dat mayb a disappointment i also not sure wor...

IRC FAMILY: irc also got family de.. keke i got 1 yandao papa.. he arh also e sbc= simply bo chap attitude... reason i also not sure but as wat he once told moi i still young.. liew old le loh young simi.. but he had went thru alotz which i had not.. mayb ba... mayb e path dat moi haf gonez all e while was not as muchie as wat papa haf gone thru... remember once i was crying on e fone toking to him coz i was so stress up but he told moi.. cry also no use de e prob also must solved... he is rite cry also no use.. but i still gal le.. no matter how hard i try e tears juz drop.. >.<~~ 3 sons dat moi had... erzi was a hard core....attitude i can say...he arh sibei de ah beng loh.. but can also say he is a hongster.. lol always hong charbo... i also dont noe when he is serious de.. at times he bad mood like to coz trouble i @@ le also sianz..mai @@ betta... tell him mai quarrel or ask him to stop he throw temper at moi.. say moi mai help him den go help others.. liew not moi mai help loh at times also must @@ mah quarrel veri gd de meh... not tired arh...ren until i finally exploded n told him off.. boi boi is another son of mine.. he arh can say he is a gd boi loh at times he listen to moi.. but lately i veri disappointed wif him... veri.. i found out alotz of thingy dat he had done which i dont noe was it rite for him to continue dis way.. i dont want to care but cant help getting worried n curious wanted to noe e ans so badly.. is he still wif her.. cld they all e while been acting a show to us.. dat they did not contact each other but e actual facts is they r.. i juz hope e gal will not get hurt again..i tried to stop e situation once n not going to do it anymore coz i dont want anymore misunderstanding... i veri tired of clearing e mess dat they do everytime.. i keep feeling dat they still young but guess in e end they r big enough to think they got to learn to clear their own mess after all....juz wish dat e gal will not b hurt again.... the last son arh dat one no need to say so muchie de.. he arh of e 3 e best.. guai n neber find anythingy for moi to think n fan or wori for him.. keke... also i daughter dat moi haf but seldom get to @@ her le.. moi gd = grand daughter lolxxx a veri ke ai de nu ren but hor also seldom @@ her.. hope they r ok ba... keke....

FRIENDSHIP: moi also dont noe wat moi @@ in friends.... tok to jiemei n noe some thingy which make moi change e image of him. he arh noe him for quite some time le..all e while find him a veri nice,caring n interesting guy.. but when ytd moi found out abt him more...he is worst den moi.. i used to b one who if i dont like e person n if he/she step on moi tail i sure make dat person die de...but i still cant b as hard hearted i will still hold backie..or rather i wld feel guilty ba n stop after dat.. juz hoping dat person will not do dat to moi again... dont noe y wor...but he is worst den moi he can reali make dat person die.. liew... he so kong buuuuuuuuuuuuuu.. duhz.. but hor nvm lah i neber do anythingy to him so not scared.. lolx... coz to moi whoeva he hurt is none of moi biz also... his impression was all e while veri gd although jiemei did not say wat it was but i haf guessed it.. n omg... kind of surprise... dont noe wat to say.. lost at words.. but find it veri normal after all...wateva it is juz hope they all not playing wif fire.. keke..

RELATIONSHIP: Alotz of thingy i dont noe wat to do.. i didnt noe dat waiting was so tong ku de.. reali veri xin ku also.. e longest moi had waited for was when moi ex go oversea or when he was in army dat period of time dat we cant even meet up for a wk... but dis waiting was like killing moi..... but e faith of waiting was there.. nothing was making moi to hold backie n let go....he called moi ytd noon while moi was wking.. duhz.. surprise** veri de surprise loh.. i was so shocked to receive e call.. neber expected he wld b calling moi de.... but was veri hapi.. a smile was on moi face.. n moi kaki was asking moi y moi was so hapi.. /me wink** wink** moi juz kept quiet abt it.. keke... didnt want to say... moi hapi can le.. keke.. went backie hm earli coz didnt feel veri well.. left an hr earli... went hm den went downstairs to call hubby.. dont noe y ytd was like 4eva..missed him so muchie.... alotz... tok awhile den went hm.. we continued our chat in msn... tok abt e prob n told him how moi feel... he was telling moi i still haf time to back out.. =X its so hurting.. i didnt noe he will feel dat way...everyone was warning moi dont put too muchie feelings in it.. but feelings cant run de.. e feelings is there n its strong.. i wanted to hold backie alittle at times till he cum backie but i guess i cant coz i put in all le... all dat moi haf alreadi put all in.... i feel so stressed at times n lost.. when ytd he said those words i was like when i always look for hope he thrashed e hope... i took a long time to pull moi self from e previous relationship n if i reali fall dis time.. i reali dont noe how to pull moiself.. i was afraid to go backie to last time when i cant take e stress moi wld go hurt moiself...... i dont want to do dat again.. i m unstable m i lately? i also dont noe.. i juz cant think.. moi start to b afraid to lose him.. i was afraid i will do somethingy dat moi may regret.. i noe i love him more den he love moi ba.... coz he also afraid to get hurt.. so r we together or r we not??moi also not sure..... when ppl ask moi also dont noe how to ans.. or rather cant get an ans ba...i m sure of moi own feelings but is he sure of his??? i also dont noe.. sometimes i feel e insecure but quickly i brush it away.. coz i noe he treat moi diff from any other gals... i guess all moi can do is wait....

A lotz of thingy i noe i didnt want to ask or bother coz i feel dat irc sux all e way.. all ppl r so fake...even if they say thingy behind ya backie there is no use to go confront coz its their mouth.. let them b... i veri sian wif such fake ppl nowdays irc is juz for e fun.. getting to noe ppl n @@ wat type of ppl they ba.. at least let moi reali @@ thru wat r friends....a few close friends is enough le..someone who stay by ya side even if others r against ya.. i think in moi life all these while i found one such gd friends n finally i found another dis is enough le.. coz dis tow is e friends which i will treasure n will neber want to lost them de...no need to bother so muchie..

wishing e days of his return wld b faster..... >.<

i FeEL haPpi But m i Realli Tt haPpi?

2004-08-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

I THINK MY MANAGER GO HOLIDAY LIAO LEEEEEEEEE.........zzZzz.. he today bo cum again... =.= mai cum say ma i can stay at hm.. wau lau.. i cum wk do nothing .. sibei sianz de loh.....

Ytd was a mess loh... i go study n slp cum backie all dont noe do simi ## for roadshow... zzZzz.. we were alreadi being told wat... haiz.. but nvm... juz do wateva they decided on... well wat can i say wor.... ytd tok to kaki on fone.. keke... we juz chat nonsense de lah.. but had a fun time but she hor veri bad keep teasing me abt hubby.. zzZzz.. tao yan.. >.<.. /me blush.. duhz..

Ytd chat wif hubby abit, although we lately bo reali tok but i still love n mish him alotz.. =X hur hur hur.. dis morning hubby got exam ... e whole nite i so worry.. until dis morning also.. praying dat he will do well n dat god will protect him in every ways.. fell aslp in e mrt den hubby sms me... he got 82/100 for his test... i was so hapi for him coz he told moi dis was a difficult test he got to take n it was a retake exam paper... at least now i dont feel a heavy heart le.. reali a sigh of relief for him... keke.... now i start to worry abt mine... zzZzz.. dont noe i can do well bo.. haiz.. got backie my econs results ytd.. i failed by 2marks ... wonder wats wrong.. guess i too nervous while during exam dat i didnt do well.. >.<~~ i always support hubby in his studies, advise him , but hor i cant help myself.. haiz.. lucky dis is e final retake paper i had arbo i sure pengz.. sometimes i juz feel like gifing up coz i find dat studying now is so stressful... mayb bcoz i start wking n studying together ba.. cant cope.. after wk go hm sure tired de... but bo bianz... i juz dont wanna gif up now.. i hope i wont n will complete it.... >.<

I will continue e story of Sunflower n Vin today:

As i said thingy start to change... Vin was angwee n didnt want to tok to Sunflower wif wat she had done.. he juz simply ignore her for e next few wks..Sunflower did not noe wat to do as all her friends were all not around to b by her side... when she started dating Vin for e past 2yrs she lost most of her friends.. they cld not understand y she spent so muchie time wif him n not any wif them... she was so lost n lonely .. all she cld do was coping herself at hm...

Finally, Vin cooled down n looked for Sunflower... he showered her wif more love.. which wat Sunflower thought..He was going in to army soon.. but wat was he thinking??? He treat her different.. all he wanted was her time... all he wanted was her to b by his side... he started to control her life... but Sunflower let him b.. coz e love for him was so strong dat she dont wanna lose him... E day came when he had to enter army.. sunflower was hoping e day neber cum... she felt dat his absence will bring emptiness to her.. coz they meet up everyday, nuaing,watching movie n everythingy they do 2gether but now its like part of her is gonez..She send him off at Tekong... Tears was alreadi in her eyes.. she cldn't control but she did.. coz she did not want him to worry for her too...

For e 1st wk, he called her once in awhile.. e toking was short but she felt hapi... everyday she was staying at hm.. studying, doing nothing... she find dat life was beginning to feel boring coz e absence of him n there was no life.. even her sat n sun she wld stay at hm n do nothing.. juz staring at e television n do nothing... Finally e 3rd wk came n he was allow to bk out.. happiness filled in her eyes.. she was so glad dat fo his return.. e 1st thingy she did was rush to his house.. n she hugged him real tite... he howeva was taking it as normal... juz 3wks we did not meet dats all.. Sunflower start to feel e change in him... For e whole of e 2.5yr dat he was in army,he change totally...He started to scold more @#$%^&*(() words...wheneva he was not hapi he wont juz scream at sunflower.. dis upset sunflower alotz...n during dat period of time.. Sunflower started to take nitez coz to pursue her studies.. her surroundings of friends were more.. n he slowly get backie all her friends dat she once lost.. she noe e importance of friends n learn to balance it well too.. but Vin was still not satisfied wif her.. he didnt like her to go out.. she wanted her to stay at hm n every now n den wheneva he is free in camp he wld call her to check on her.. she felt dat her life was juz beginning to haf hope but Vin was controlling her till she can hardly breathe.....They started to quarrel.. wheneva she late to go over his house he will b angwee... At times on sat he was not allow to bk out Sunflower wld go out wif her friends...She started to make more new friends but as usual her love for Vin was strong n wheneva she go out she was always in a group n neber did she go out individual wif a guy... Vin found out dat she was going out when he was not around n dat she was mixing wif too many ppl dat he dont noe at all.. They quarrel almost everyday... small matters to big matters.. at times he got pissed of he wld push her around n hit her..... saying harsh words to her.. which break her heart once again n again.. at times Sunflower wanted so muchie to say "BREAK" but e words juz stop there coz feelings for him was so strong she was so muchie afraid dat she may regret... She started her life of clubbing... Wheneva he was not around she wld club to forget all e troubles dat she had.. she always ended up drunk hm.. she juz feel sad dat he is always treating her dis way... she cld hardly breathe.. e enjoyment of clubbing reali make her feel muchie betta... even she was drunk her gal friends were there to send her hm so she didnt haf any worries at all....

Guess i will stop here... Abit of tired to continue e story.. e more i think of e story e more e pain in my heart.. i wanted so muchie to write e story out coz i wanted it to b in here n stored in here 4eva... i want it to b let out in my heart... to 4get e whole story ...........To b continued............

Juz Another Day

2004-08-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

MOndayyyyyyyyyy bluessssssssssssss n GhoSt seasoNnnnnnnnnnn..................hate dis seasonnnnnnnnn............. i hOPE i dont @@ anythingyyyyyyyyyyyyyy arghhhhhhhhhhhhh.....................

well today i also dont noe wat to write le... sibei sianz... manager bo cum also bo say.. wau lau i cum to wk today is reali nothing to do.. duhz...he neber cum also bo say moi also mai cum mah..zzZzz.. can at hm study n slp..n nuaaaaaaaaa.. =X but hor nvm lah.. got wk den got $$... keke..Haf been reading sad story lately.. haiz.. all e stories all so sad de.. @@ liao also bth.. today going to share another story but dis is real life story hope whoeva read it will enjoy ba...

A couple being together for 6yrs:
Gal: Sunflower
Guy: Vin

Sunflower n Vin were a couple.... they knew each other when sunflower was at her age of 18... n he was 19.. both at a study age.. at dat time sunflower was still in ite studying n vin was alreadi in his poly 2nd yr.. they knew each other during a ktv session wif friends... at nitez vin asked sunflower,"u wanna go to a bbq which we organised?" sunflower was so delighted coz of all e guys at e ktv he was e one dat she spotted n liked n had a veri gd impression of him... he too had a gd impression of her.. so they headed off to e bbq rite after e ktv..At e bbq they were all enjoying themselves..knowing dat sunflower did not noe how to ride a bicycle, vin decided to gif her a ride on his bicycle.. she was screaming wif all her might as she was afraid of falling... n for him he find her so cute coz he feel dat he didnt need any horn for e nitez... they were like two lovely birds n everyone was so envious of them.. they each haf feelings for each other but none wanted to express their feelings.. until after e bbq in e morning vin decided to send sunflower hm... it was den did both of them reliease dat they juz stayed near each other.. it was juz a blk n a carpark away.. so near.. they felt muchie more closer to each other...They carried on wif each other. enjoying e co of each other... neither one of them say abt getting together n none of them deny being together... they spend most of their time at each other house, going out wif friends n they were e couple dat every envy...

e 1st 2yrs of their relationship was going so lovely.. parents meeting up n everythingy.. both parents were in gd terms n they were starting to think for their future... But during her final yr at ite, somethingy happen.. one of e days they two decided not to go sch.. n went out..they both went to @@ e doc to get an mc.... den it was found out dat sunflower got pregnant.. she was stunned n shocked... she dont noe wat to say at all......she was in a dilemma.. vin was of coz hapi but he also at a lost as he was not ready to get married yet... e tears were piling in her eyes.. n e weird thing was vin asked sunflower "wld ya still want me after dis?"sunflower was shocked.. "shldn't i b saying dat."she thought.. but she was also glad dat dis show how muchie he love her....decision was hard to made when they went hm.. as wat e doc say if ya dont want it dont delay... she didnt tell anyone coz she odnt noe who to tok to or who to ask for opinion.. but at e final stage she made up her mind.. she cant haf e baby now.. she still wants to pursue her studies.. she dont want to let her parents down by bringing on shame to e house... n she made e firm decision.. she went thru it herself...e day was terrible.. as her age was old enough to go to e government hospital.. n she went.. from morning till evening.. she spend her time there... when e operation was over, she came out wif a relief face... everythingy was finally over.. but she cant help e pain in her heart... e pain was so terrible... she like kids n she love playing wif kids.. she wanted so muchie to haf her own too.. but e child juz came at e wrong time.. vin was looking for sunflower for e whole day.. n he cldnt get hold of her at all.. he was starting to get worried...finally sunflower picked up e call n told vin wat she had done... instead of being understanding he was screaming at her... asking her y she did it wifout consulting him... Sunflower was so sad... tears juz roll... y cant he understand wat i m going thru?? y he still want to hurt me like dat??? dat was all she cld think..... thingy start to change........

Well the story yet to end... wat changes had it made?? .. haf ya eva wonder?? i dont haf e mood now to write on.. too long le.... continue tml ba.. for e mean time ya go think wat changes had made to their relationship after 2yrs ba when they were together for 6yrs......to be continued.........................

I Wan To B haPpi Can i ??If oni i Can...

2004-08-15T05:24:00.000-07:00

Another start of e wk.. sunday.. zzZzz..but nvm lah life still has to go on... another day of hope i guess... i everyday also moody de.. Zzzz.. lately dont noe y also depression ba i guess.. juz dat somethingy i wanted it now not here but nvm..

Ytd was a boring day.. as usual at hm nuaing, studying,STUDYING loh i reali did study dis time.. at least got in a bit le.. neber slack liao...i also dont noe who host ytd.. hmm let me recall kor,nuren,tingz a new sj wah he voice nice nice n hor her flow of music also nice.. keke den other den dat got meg but didnt reali hear her host coz i go or or liao.. i chat wif hubby abit.... keke kind of feel muchie betta as wat i tell him treat it as a test ba.. he said e test i hard ya loh.. wat to do.. got to try wat.. he say le his last semester he will b veri busy so he need some understanding from me.. he cant always acc me but not dat he dont love or care loh.. i understood alreadi n reali want him to do well also mah... i also will b busy wif studies de loh.. so mayb we keep it dat way until his return can liao.. keke... everyone was upset... dont noe wats wrong.. haiz mayb dis is e sad season ba or rather ITS E GHOST SEASON.. omg.. i hate dis season.. coz i dont reali dare to go out loh..zzZzz... hope dis yr i dont @@ such thingy again.. sian of it.. den read a story abt dolls which i will show in m oi blog.. haiz sad story lately haf been reading so muchie sad story.. >.<~~ @@ liao also bth.. sure cry de.. mayb i hold too muchie thingy inside dat i juz want to let it out reading e stories help me alotz cry n cry n e eyes swollen.. bu mei le.. -.-!! lol but hor after crying so muchie feel alotz betta.... gals mah cry liao den ok le.. duhz..juz hope everyone will b hapi ba...

DOLLS..............

I had a boyfriend who grew up wif me.His name is Jin.I always thought of him as a friend until last yearwhen we went to a trip from a club.I found dat I fell in love wif him.B4 dat trip was over, I took a step n confessed my love for him.n soon, we became a pair of loversbut we loved each other in different ways.I always concentrated on him onlybut by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was e only one, but to him,mayb I was juz another girl...
"Jin, do u want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't" he said"y? You need to study at home ?"I felt e disappointment grabbing me.
"No... I m going to meet a friend..."
He was always like dat. He met other girls in front of me,like it was nothing.To him, I was juz another girl.The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' b4.To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.He didn't say anything from e first dayn it continued till 100 days...200days...Everyday, before we say goodbye, he wld juz hand me a doll. Everyday, without fail.. I don't know y...den one day...
Me: "Um, Jin, I ..."Jin: "Wat...don't drag, juz say..."Me: "I love you".
Jin: "......you...um, juz take dis doll n go home."
dat was how he ignored my 'three words' n handed me e doll.den he disappeared, like he was running away.e dolls I received from him everydayfilled my room one by one.... there were many...den one day, came my 20th year old birthday.When I got up in e morning, I pictured a party wif him,n stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.But... lunch passed, dinner passed...n soon e sky was dark... he still didn't call...It was already tiring to look at e fone anymore.den around 2am in e morning, he suddenly called men woke me from my sleep.He told me to come out of e house.Still, I felt joy n I ran out happily.
Me: "Jin..."
Jin: "Here...take this..."Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: "What's this?"
Jin: "I didn't give it to u yesterdayso I m giving it to u now. I'm going home now, bye."
Me: "Wait, wait! Do u know wat 2day is?"
Jin: "2day? Huh?"
I felt so sad, I thought he wld remember my bday.He turned around n walked away like nothing had happen.
den I shouted... "Wait..."
Jin: "u have something to say?"
Me: "Tell me, tell me u love me..."
Jin: "Wat?!"
Me: "Tell me"
I put my pathetic self behind n clung on to him.But he just said simple cold words n left.
"I don't want to say... dat I love someone so easily if u are desperate to hear it, den find some1 else."dat was wat he said.
den he ran off.My legs felt numb... n I collapsed to e ground.He didn't want to say it easily...How cld he...?I felt dat...Maybe he is not e right guy for me...After dat day, I stranded myself at home crying, juz crying.He didn't call me, although I was waiting.He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house...dat's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday.After a month, I got myself together n went to school. But what made e pain resurface was dat...I saw him on a street...wif another girl...He had a smile on his face one dat he nv showed me...as he touched e doll...I ran straight back home n looked at e dolls in my room, n tears fell...Why did he gave these to me...?Those dolls r probably picked out by some other girlsIn a fit of anger, I threw e dolls around...den suddenly, e phone rang. It was him.He told me to come out to e bus stop outside my house.I tried to calm myself down n walked to e bus stop.I kept reminding myself dat I m going to 4get him,dat... it's going to end...den he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: "Jo, I thought u were pissed, u really came?"
I cldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen n joking around. Soon, he held out e doll as usual...
Me: "I don't need it."
Jin: "Wat...? why...?"I grabbed e doll from his hands n threw it on e road.
Me: "I don't need dis doll, I don't need it anymore!!I don't want to see a person like u again!"
I spitted out all e words dat were inside me.
But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking."I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.He then walked over to e road to pick up e doll...
Me: "u stupid! Why r u picking up e doll?! Juzthrow it away!!!"
But he ignored me n just went to pick e doll.den...
Honk~ Honk~Wif a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him."Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted...But he didn't hear me, he squatted downto pick up edoll."Jin, move!"HONK~!! "Boom!" dat sound, so terrifying.dat's how he went away from me.dat's how he went awaywithout even opening his eyes tosay one word to me.After dat day, I had to go thru everyday wifguiltiness n e sadness of losing him...n after spending two months like a crazy person...I took out e dolls.Those were e only gifts he left mesince e day we started going out.I remembered e days I spent wif him n started to count e days...
when we were in love..."One...two...three..."dat was how...
I started to count e dolls..."Four hundred n eighty four... four hundred n eighty five..."
It all ended wif 485 dolls.I den started to cry again, wif a doll in my arms.I hugged it tightly, den suddenly..."I love you~, I love you~"I dropped e dolls, shocked!"I..... lo...ve... u??"I picked up e dolls n pressed its stomach."I love you~ I love you~"It can't be!I pressed all e dolls' stomach as it piled on e side."I love you~" "I love you~" "I love you~"Those words came out non-stop."I...love you..." y didn't I realize dat......dat his heart was always by my side, protecting me.?y didn't I realize dat he love me dis much...?I took out e big doll under e bedn pressed it's stomach,dat was the last doll, e one dat fell on e road.
It had his blood stain on it.e voice came out, e one dat I was missing so much..."Jo...Do u know wat 2day is?We've been loving each other for 486 days.Do u know wat 486 is? I cldn't say I love you...Um... since I was too shy...If u forgive me n take this doll,I will say dat I love you...everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you..."The tears came flowing out of me... y? y?I asked GOD, "y do I only know about all dis now?"He can't be by my side,but he loved me until his last breath...

So sad hor... i read le i juz cant control my tears.. e tears juz roll down like dat.. juz like dat.. at 1st reading it was like y e guy treat her like dat.. if he dont love her dont do dat to her.. so hurting.. i guess she is like me.. not attentive enough ba.. neber noe dat when love cums dont reali need to express it out at all but if e expression is not there how wld ya noe he love ya wor... i veri stupid de..sometimes hint n all dat i reali dont understand de.. mayb i too straight forward le so at times i also hope he will b.. >.<

~>.<~

2004-08-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

Saturday morning.. finally wkend le.. but time sure pass veri fast also..woke up so earli today didnt noe y also.. cant slp...Ytd liew pek chek.. after meeting angel went to buy shoe.. keke today wearing out to meet jie mei n e rest... hur hur hur... tok wif angel den got to noe some of her secrets... wah dat secret hor reali le moi bwg... but anyway its none of moi biz as long she is hapi can le.. keke.. tok abt some stuffs.. got to noe angel betta... after dat went hm....

Kind of tired alreadi... den went online find hubby.. as usual he was busy wif his studies... we chat a little but did not chat muchie also.. haiz.. but its ok i went to watch tbee n tok to jiemei to kill time while waiting for him.. lately he too busy wif his studies dat we did not tok reali dat muchie ... but moi stop luan luan xiang le coz mai act pressure to him.. still stress abit at times.. but moi keep brushing e thoughts coz moi haf some friends around to support n hubby was there to understand abit more now... guess dis feel muchie more betta... toking to jiemei halfway.. DUHZ.. moi comp screen gonez.. ~~>.<~~ DIE.. e 1st thoughts cum to moi mind was... how to tok to HUBBY!!!!! OMG!!! moi want to cry le... den tried alotz of times also cannot.. alreadi 11 plus le.. in e end call daddy's friend.. an uncle who fix our house comp de.. keke he say lata he cum over to check.. around 1 plus he came ober.. hubby n moi sms he told moi he going to bed.. kind of diappointed coz wanted to tok to him but also noe he veri tired after studying so nvm loh.. around 1plus .. he change a new screen for moi.. keke.. finally can use so worried.. lucky sia..if not sure chiam...but hor spoilt also gd den CAN CHANGE NEW DE.. lolxxxx.. after fixing e comp moi alreadi too lazy to on backie n chat le.. lying on e bed n thinking of hubby.. keke.. soon fell aslp...

Well lata going out le... actually dont feel like writing blog de coz not in office but hor dont noe y haf e urge to write.. keke.. so write loh...today go out to celebrate jiemei bday.. hope when moi not around hubby will mish moi.. keke n studi hard.. dats all for now ba... mayb when moi cum hm lata at nitez or rather tml den write.. kekeTHE DAYS R passing day by day... wishing xmas is near so dat e end of 2004 is also cuming...

Sad, cRied, DisAPpointEd?? MixEd feeLings

2004-08-14T05:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday has cum.. juz another waiting day....

ytd was a tiring day... Qt darling hosting was reali great i can say she reali tried her best....staring at e screen blankly i dont noe wat to write suddenly.. haha.. y my tears juz roll ??? i dont noe wats wrong???alot of thingy happen today..haha so many truth n lies...i dont noe wat to say reali... reali dont noe how to face e facts... e blow was strong... how can i trust ppl again... i dont noe...i guess writing a blog to me was no pt le..

hubby was moody ytd.. dont noe y? i didnt want to ask him muchie coz i think he also need time ot b alone.. i juz hope thingy r ok.. he hosted nice songs i can say but i also didnt reali haf e mood to tok to anyone.. juz to upset..ayway all i can say is.. i trying veri hard.. dis is e 1st time dat i had such a long distance relationship dont reali noe how to handle but thanx to Qt soem support from her.. i also noe hubby is having so muchie stress n i dont want to add to hi stress anymore.. i change alotz lately .. unstable i guess.. y?? i cant find an ans.. i juz not myself.. i wil try my best to cool down so dat i dont gif anyone any worries n stress... Worst everyone was like so shock i m staying at hm on a sat.. lol.. y cannot wor.. go out i also bo mood.. haiz.. might as well stay at hm betta..

DAYS ARE PASSING N I M FEELING.....

2004-08-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

Today, another day of wk.. but today is Fridayyyyyyyy.. finally i wanted for dis day to cum.. end of e wk... mth end.. PAY DAY!!!!! lolxxx...today can go shopping.. but not in e mood also.. dont noe y eveyday moi like to cum to e office to write blog... write abt e previous day wat had happened... dont noe y wor.. mayb e next day to write blog was betta let moi recall wat had happened e previous nite...

At wk was so boredddddddddddddddddd........ boreddddddddddddd to e extreme..... duhz.. was chatting wif a friend who moi knew for sometime le..kind of shocked when he told moi he was fond n liked moi.. =X he arh not a bad looking guy.. but hor i rejected him.. lolx coz moi waiting for e return of hubby mah... keke... weird moi can say.. suddenly he tell moi dat.. -.-!!! his repli was he dont mind moi like someone else.. he say he will touch moi heart.. haiz.. moi ask him mai waste time on moi.. no use de... coz moi heart alreadi haf someone in mind n no other guys can eva replace him no matter wat.. even e distance mayb far now but e thoughts n hearts will neber change....

Ytd was a rough day... not muchie wk in e office but manage to get some wk to b done.. tok to hubby n guess wat his test he got 92%... wah.. so hapi for him.. worried e whole morning whether he was able to do e test.. also worried abt his sickness.. but when moi heard e news was reali hapi n glad.... he was kind of tired so we didnt reali tok den he went to take a nap..... n studied for his next test next tue which he said was difficult...hope he can do well... after wk.. feeling headache n pek chek.. dont noe y.. rush backie hm to juz @@ if hubby was around keke.... HE WAS!!! but as usual busy studying..ytd koka jie was hosting moi dedi some songs to him.. qing tian n dao dai.. think dis two songs has becum e songs dat we both love... tried to tok to him but there was not muchie of a repli.. wonder y? i was starting to think nonsense.. guess i start to b sensetive again... cant think properly!!! did somethingy happen to him? wats wrong? was he upset? sick again? moi dont noe... tried to tok but his repli was veri simple.. den he dedi a song to moi saying sorry.. actually not dat moi did not hear is moi did but e buffer was knd of loud so did not reali hear whose dedi it was to... felt so bad.... e onli communication we had now was thru irc,msn or sometimes thru fone... although it was ex but moi was willing to do it for his sake.... mish him veri muchie..but cant help to feel upset...he quit irc n we chat in msn.. he sounded pissed.. den moi sounded pek chek coz mayb bcoz of e headache.. dont noe y lately keep getting sick.. his words were kind of hurting when he said go tok to ya other guys friends.. i felt so hurt.... didnt mind dat he dont haf e time to chat wif moi but at least noe moi wont do such thingy de... veri upset abt e situation.. hubby was saying he under pressure of his sch wk.. guess ytd moi was also pressuring him.. ~~>.<~~ moi felt so guilty when he said dat he didnt want to dissappoint moi coz he need to studi n cant tok.. moi cld understand dat wor... juz think nonsense onli... he assured everythingy was ok..nothing was wrong n said dat moi was more impt den his studies.. CANNOT!!!!! his studies must b more impt den moi.. hur hur hur... e words dat he said kept ringing into moi mind.. "GO TOK TO OTHER DARLING" duhz.. it reali hurts moi to @@ him say dat coz it reali cut thru e feelings.. quickly moi tried to brush e thoughts away.. didnt want to think n end up quarrelling.. moi hate to quarrel.. den moi tell him moi want to slp.. Lying on e bed cldn't help but feel sad.. tears juz roll.. dont noe y also..>.<friends also.. may due to wk ba.. den rushing of going hm to tok to hubby.. mayb a catch up wif some friends wld b betta to keep moi busy ba n let hubby study also so dat moi will not add on to his pressure.... juz hope all those words dat he said ytd will not b said again... juz hoping for e day on sun when moi can call him... keke...

Wkenddddddddddd is tmllllllllllllllllllllllll...................... finally can reali go out.. even so moi go out will also mish him...well lata going to get moi new sim card... keke can sms le.. cant stand wif out hp... can reali die.. lolxxx...think moi will end her.. next two days is wk end dont think will b writing blog.. wait till mon when moi cum wk ba...to b continued..........

ThoughtzzZz

2004-08-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

Friday has cum n guess wat today is Friday e 13th.. ZZzzzZZ.. sure suay de... haha.. jking niah.. so fast wkend le.. dis wk arh.. i reali dont noe wat to do.. but i think final decision is stay at hm n study coz ezam cuming up n rushing for project le.. i haben even start.. sibei chaim.. i sibei slacking loh.....

Ytd Koka jieeeeeee was hosting.. kind of hard for me also.. had a heart time getting ppl to tune in i think wifout kor reali hard... he not around at e moment n moi was reali short of ppl.. n wau lau receive so many pte.. =.= Qt darling n moi reali had a hard time.. bo bianz bo lang i got to help... running here n there n hor i finally go figure out how to use one mirc script n open another status.. lolxxx i veri stupid de lah.. i go @@ here n there den found.. >.<

Well i found out all e ans dat i need to noe ytd.. lolx.. he was asking moi was i disappointed.. was i???? i dont noe i juz feel dat mayb i was.. i guess he will b reading moi blog too.. yah i lied if i was not.. i was disappointed not dat he was wif sweetie it was dat he lied.. i didnt approve of their relationship all e while.. y??? haf they eva think abt it.. lol.. but since they insist dat they love each other well hapi for them also lah.. but who will b hurt??? haha i dont noe also.. kind of surprise dat suddenly got so many ppl haf moi blog.. zzZzz.. think i must go open another one dat mai let ppl noe le.. wau lau... i dont want ppl to noe so muchie abt me le... lolxxx.. noe si mi.. no need to noe de lah.. those who reali want to noe.. juz noe dat i m a bitch.. lol.. someone who cant b trusted n dont cum step on moi tail..i make sure ya end up like hell.. lolxxxx.. those reading dis will noe ba.. haha...after noeing e truth i still think y all e while he lied?? dont want me to b disappointed??? haha lying is even more disappointed esp when i find out e truth.. all e lies n all e facts.. jiemei always like me to think.. i noe she meant well.. i thinking le lah.. but hor not as hard as ya.. coz ya dont need to think de.. ya facts always rite.. >.<

Hubby n moi didnt reali tok ytd.. he was tired n preparing wif his studies.. i also didnt ask muchie.. too busy ytd.. but cant help mishing him after all.. but it was ok.. in e end he also came online n wish moi gd nitez.. i was hapi.. juz a small little action from him i alreadi veri hapi le... mayb we might drift apart lately coz of exams but if each of us haf e heart for each one i think dats enough le... we still haf our own life mah.. still got to wait for his return....lately i keep having nitemare.. waking up in e middle n cry.. duhz.. i wonder wats wrong or m i thinking too muchie??? somethingy is wrong i cant remember those dreamz dat i had.. diao loh.. think veri hard le.. but still cant remember at all.. when wake up liao cant slp.. its has been happening like dat for e past 3 days.. =.= or m i stressing moiself too muchie..wonder wats wrong!!!!!i wish to share a story which i read in a few blogs dat moi haf.... i think dis is a story dat touch many hearts.. i read le n it reali touch moi hearts.. it make me think alotz abt e past.. ~~>.<~~

Love & Marriage

One day, Plato asked his teacher "wat is love? How can I find it?"
His teacher answered"There is a vast wheat field in front.Walk forward without turning back, n pick only 1 stalk.If u find e most magnificent stalk den u haf found love."
Plato walked forward, b4 long he returned wif empty hands, having picked nothing.
His teacher asked, "Why did u not pick any stalk?"
Plato answered, "Because I cld only pick once n yet I cld not turn back.I did find e most magnificent stalk but did not know if there were any better ones ahead so I did not pick it.
As I walked further, e stalks dat I saw were not as good as e earlier one.
So I did not pick any in e end.
His teacher then said, "n dat is love." WAT IS LOVE?? izzit betta to love someone more den e person who love ya more..
when e chance comes dont let go.....
On another day, Plato asked his teacher,"What is marriage? How can I Find it?"
His teacher answered,"There is a thriving forest in front.
Walk forward without turning back and chop down only one tree.
If you find the tallest tree, then you have found marriage".
Plato walked forward, n b4 long,he returned wif a tree.
e tree was not thriving n it was not tall either.
It was only an ordinary tree.
His teacher asked,"Why did u chop down such an ordinary tree?"
Plato answered, "Bcoz of my previous experience.
I had walked thru e field, but returned with empty hands.dis time, I saw dis tree, n I felt dat it was not bad. So I chopped it down n brought it back. I did not want to miss e opportunity."
His teacher then said, "And dat is marriage."
When a tree has been found n ya noe dat it can b relied on.. dont let go.. coz he/she treasure ya juz as much as ya treasure them...
You see, Love is e most beautiful thing to happen to a person...
Its an opportunity but u don't realize its worth when u have it but only when its gone like e field of stalks.
Marriage is like e tree u chopped,it's a compromise u made for life.without regrets of not looking ahead for better ones.
Love n marriage n two different thing.. but if there is love den there will b evalasting marriage.. haf i found e rite guy??

Story Of Tree, Leaf, Wind

Tree
e reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on e right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I haf dated 5 gals when I was in Pre- U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, a good figure, outstanding charm. She is juz a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, frankness. cuteness, intelligence and her fragility. Reason 4 not going after her is bcoz I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid dat after we r2ogether all e gd feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt dat if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything juz for her. e last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, n I have make her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to b a good actress n I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" b4 running off. e next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think abt wat coz her to cry but luff at her e whole day. When everybody go back hm, she was alone crying in e classroom. She didn't know dat I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so. My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I noe dat based on her character she's not e type dat will start off e quarrel. But I still sided with my galfriend. I shouted at her n her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care abt her feelings n walked off wif my girlfriend. e next day, she still laugh & joke wif me like nothing has ever happened. I noe dat she's very hurt but she didn't know dat my heart ache is as bad as hers. When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her dat I have something to tell her. She told me dat coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up n she told me abt her getting together. I know whose e guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively n interesting. His pursuit for her has been e talk of e school. I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, e heart ache is so strong dat I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I cldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for e man dat doesn't acknowledge her presence too. During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down n cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

"Why ppl like to hide their feelings?? y not accept instead of running away from e prob?? after reading Tree... i feel e pain dat e guy is going thru.. they were so close, e feelings is there yet so far away...y he dont accept her? he noe she love him as muchie as he love her? y let e chance go? i hope i treasure wat i haf now.. i dont want to lose him n regret...

Leaf

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Bcoz I felt dat for a leaf to leave e tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During e 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never shld have learnt - Jealousy. e sourness in e heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to e extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make e 1st move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart wld hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect dat this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond wat u will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right? Despite dat, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping dat one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I noe dat no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Bcoz of dis, I waited for him. e 3 years were e hardest to go through & I reali want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder shld I continue waiting. e pain n hurt, e dilemma accompany me for 3 years. Till e end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt dat I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized dat I didn't want to give dis wind a small footing in my heart. I noe dis wind will bring dis badly battered leaf far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

The hurt is so painful... y didnt he pursue her?? y?? h elove her as muchie as she love him?? y let her b upset n time n time hurt??leaf gonez thru so muchie wif him.. when he needed her she was there all e while.. y?? when didnt he stop her from going wi fe other guy? i feel so hurt? so painful like e sharp nife had gonez thru moi heart....y i feel e pain???

Wind

Bcoz I like a gal called leaf. Bcoz she's so dependent on tree so I have to b a gust wind. A wind dat will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to e new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him. One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain e feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. e senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside n saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. e next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over n smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept e note. e next day, she appeared & pass me a note n left. Leaf's heart is too heavy n wind couldn't blow her away. It's not dat leaf's heart is too heavy. It bcoz leaf never want to leave e tree I replied her note with dis statement n slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I noe dat e person she loves is not me. But I have dis persevearance dat one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from e topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping dat she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over e phone. I asked "what r u doing? How come u didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up e phone, quickly changed n took a taxi n rush to her place & press her door bell. During e moment when she opens e door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

The story ended here..she chose wind.. but is she reali hapi wif wind.. izzit reali bcoz e deparature of wind pursuit n not dat tree didnt ask her to stay?? i feel a sharp pain in moi heart.. y?? y i feel dat way?? y didnt tree stop her frm leaving?? y didnt he???

hoW i Wish i was There

2004-08-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

Tuesday haf cum wk day.. ytd didnt go for wk.. stomache cramp.. cant take it.. today also no diff but no matter wat still got to cum..... as usual earli in e morning came to wk do nothing...came a new colleague but hor she kind of fierce so bo tok to her.. lolx...

Ytd was a painful day.. stomache cramp until i want to cry le.. hate such days.... hubby host ytd but he was not in a gd mood.. lost his license n also stress over his exam today...n will hosting he keep tio disconnect n there was a lot of buffer... he kind of pek chek .... n threw his temper at moi.. ~~>.<~~ haiz tried to ask him to relac him self n not b so pek chek..

Tok to jie abt their relationship... they two hor reali veri kong bu... jie dont reali love kor at all but treat him nice loh.. but kor feelings for jie like veri de strong... jie wants someone who loves her more den she loves him n wants someone who is able to gif her everythingy.. well for a woman her age is cuming up i guess dats exactly wat she wants ba.. she dont like e feeling of waiting coz she still got betta other choice.. so kor is like trying veri hard loh n his deadline was till e end of dec.. wah dats fast wor.... its not easy to maintain such a relationship... its so near yet its seems veri far.. it take two hands to clap in a relationship but for their case moi wonder who??? a bridge is to b built n it take e two of them to build in order to walk hand in hand across e bridge i think for their case arh.. one is building n e other is waiting.. sibei jialat... jie has been hurt b4 so to her she feels dat e guy loving her more is betta den she loves e guy more.. she says she dont noe how to love le... guess her heart alreadi numb le ba......haiz... juz hope they wk out coz i want to go for their wedding mah.. keke...

Was writing halfway when receive sms from hubby he failed his exam....n he told moi he was upset.. i noe he is coz he put alotz of effort in his dis test but i guess he was too worried n stress himself up n during exam he had not recover from his illness n stressing himself n nervous during e exam ba... dats y he did not do well.. tried to console him a little hope he feels betta. dont noe y when he upset moi also feel sad for him... he got to retake n i m sure he will do betta as long as he rest his mind a little n take it easy.. if he stress himself up again.. how moi wish moi was there wif him to console him.....i feel so sad too.... juz hope he will feel betta..... Dont haf e muchie mood to write anymore.. juz feel kind of upset.... guess got to tok less to hubby now.. let him reali concentrate on his studies......

juz hope e days of his return b fast.... juz cant take it when he is so upset there n i feel so helpless not doing anythingy here or when he throw temper i feel so helpless.. nothing moi can do to cheer him up at all.....

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

a Day i Will never regret or fOrget

2004-08-06T02:50:00.000-07:00

Fridayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy a day of hope for e wkend..but yet to noe wat to do ... lolxxx haben reali decide....but at least noe dat its a long wkend.. coz National Day... no more monday blue next wk.. lolz..i also dont noe today can write as muchie as wat i haf written e past few days...

Jiemei: Ytd was jiemei's bday.. hur hur hur.. we went to eat for diner.. kind of mish her coz we reali didnt catch up some toking lately.. had diner n chat.. tok alotz n memories of e past cums backie.. alotz of feelings n i get to noe her another step.. she may b strong but i m sure she also tried veri hard to pull herself up from those relationship.. she has a lotz of suitors which she yet to choose... is she chosy?? sometimes i wonder.. but from wat i can @@ i dont think so.. she needs someone who noe wat she wants, love her n a lotz more ba.. another step to noe her was great but till now i still feel i dont reali noe her dat well.. at times i may haf guess correct but it may not b wat she is.. she is damn hard to understand after all...knowing her make moi life more interesting.. i learn to think n @@ e ppl around moi.. at times we will tok abt e friends around us.. but no comments after all.. ppl r fake.. when ya start to noe someone i guess they all fake de.. they dont reali show themselves at all... mayb at a longer time ba... jie mei n moi can click it on its not dat easy also.. she dont trust ppl dat muchie while i do.. but i learnt coz i failed a few times n she was there to pull moi thru.. i veri grateful for wat she did..n dis is wat i call friend coz she neber reali fake in moi eyes....

Charbo: After diner went to look for dat siao charbo.. lolz dis gal a friend for 11yrs le.. long time bo @@ mish her alotzzzzzzzzzzz.. duhz...she arh still e same.. went to let her pluck moi eyebrow free somemore.. coz she wking in annie sui ma.. lolz.. she was upset when i left to go hm.. she liked a guy which i feel dat will haf nothing in return loh..i dont noe y she still pin e hope for dat guy.. b4 we left hm we saw him.. they chat n i can say his attitude SUXXXXXXXX... e way he tok to her.. liew... haiz den we took cab le.. she was like going to cry le.. at dis time moi also dont noe wat to say... feel sad for her... told her mai think le.. take it easy.. went off e cab n went hm as for her .. thur ladies nitez she went mu.. hope she is ok not getting herself drunk ba.. keke....

Didnt reali get to chat wif hubby muchie but told him dat i noe wat i haf been troubled lately... i think was e past ba... when a new start of a relationship i always afraid to get hurt esp i put in a lotz... i told him i spoke to jiemei n felt dat e past has reali make moi 4get n neber regret... e decision dat i made all e while was no regrets.. he did call moi at times. we chat.. i noe from his way he speak he wants to get backie but i rejected time n time.. i think i hurt him alotz... he wanted so muchie dat i will go backie to him... he cant 4get e times we 2gether n all moi can tell him was take it as a memories to us ba... a memories dat is sweet n sour.. he was upset.. expected... didnt want him to pin anymore hopes.. his mum as usual every yr during national day wld bring thingy over.. dis yr also without fail.. i wasnt at hm when he brought e thingy over... lucky if not i also dont noe how to face him.. but wif out failed he called ytd.. kind of surprise coz neber expected ba... after almost a wk he didnt call... he ask moi was i @@ing someone else.. moi ans to him was yah i m... juz waiting for his return.. his voice was kind of upset... i guess when he asked whether we still haf any hope i told him nope go look for someone betta.. when a relationship is broken no pt go fix it backie.. i was veri firm wif moi decision.... n he understood... as usual he wished moi all e best wif e guy.. haha.. i made e decision veri firm n no regrets coz i noe in moi heart e space has been taken by hubby le... no one can replace e love dat i haf for him... we tok awhile ytd n i told him dat i finally brush all away.. i trust him n no more negative thoughts.. at times moi onli hope was he concern more n care more n dote more on moi ba.... nothing muchie.... keke.... e past is alreadi past.. i wont want to look backward.. moi onli hope was e return of hubby.. his return dat make moi walk further... he dont want to commit until he cums backie.. ya so do moi... not now.. waiting for his return was getting exciting day by day... juz looking forward ba... keke...........

Guess i will stop here.. thinking of e wkend like veri sian also.. dont reali haf e feeling of clubbing, ktv or wateva.. feel dat waste $$ .... but hor also dont feel like nuaing at hm.. @@ how ba... write again in a few days times.................